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clubberin t1_iyepn3l wrote

Because the apology didn't take accountability or fault and promise to learn from it.

5

Cuish t1_iyepn98 wrote

It doesn't excuse their shitty behaviour in the first place.

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CapG_13 t1_iyepplw wrote

If they did something that I could never forgive or if they didn't seem sincere.

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Dusk-Fall t1_iyept82 wrote

If the apology doesn’t make me understand their feelings about whatever happened

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Novae224 t1_iyepy6x wrote

Because an apology is sense that comes too late

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Draklor t1_iyeq4az wrote

I don’t see apologies as something to accept or decline.

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EmbraceableYew t1_iyersk2 wrote

Replying to clubberin (#826,674)

Strongly agree. What are often called apologies are not. They are often non-apologies that essentially blame the wronged party.

"I am sorry if you misunderstood me" and the like. You see, it was really your fault not mine.

An actual apology is explicit in accepting responsibility for harm done by the apologizer, and regret for having caused that harm. It should also contain some recognition of the need for improvement, that is, how the apologizer will behave in the future.

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[deleted] OP t1_iyesrdv wrote

Some things an apology can’t fix, no matter how sincere it may be

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[deleted] OP t1_iyetuy6 wrote

If it doesn’t seem like a genuine apology

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lethatsinkin t1_iyeuufb wrote

Words can't take back what they did.

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Beneficial_Donut_998 t1_iyf3vwe wrote

That's how it has to be: you have the authority to apologize to someone, but they have no obligation to accept. Perception is reality, and even if you know you did nothing wrong, you must respect a person's reaction to your apology. You responded correctly, and it's a valuable lesson for the future. When we make a mistake, we often have no choice but to apologize. After that, you just have to keep going, confident that you've done everything you can.

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No_End_4050 t1_iyf5wcr wrote

Replying to Beneficial_Donut_998 (#832,534)

Well said. I started this thread because a good friend of mine did not accept a sincere apology I gave them after behaving badly (nothing crazy, I was just being an asshole one night).

While I don't expect acceptance of an apology as a matter of course, it was jarring to hear them say "I do not accept your apology" insofar as it implies an apology is not enough to mend the rift between us.

I suppose I assumed friendship was unconditional to a degree - but I crossed the line for them it seems.

While I don't fault my friend for refusing my apology, the fact they refused it has major implications for our relationship imo. If an apology isn't enough, then I assume they expect me to maintain radio silence for a few weeks, change my behavior, and then reach back out once I'm more agreeable for them?

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