this feels personal

It is

You acknowledge to yourself where you fell short, you actively work towards being better, and you realize that if you truly loved the person you would’ve put the effort in.

I hope you're okay bro. It feels rough, but I always remember both sides need to have the same goals and mindset. Relationships don't always require a boatload of effort, if that's not their type. Can't love someone if you aren't loving yourself, once it pasts that point you know it's an energy suck of a relationship

I did though. I just have problems with vulnerability and so keeping them at a “distance” was more about not letting myself get hurt than anything to do w how much I loved them.

Ended up way more hurt because then you have regrets about not giving enough and that’s why it failed

Life goals and mindset were extremely similar. Connection was amazing.

I just was not able to be super vulnerable and give my all at the time, because of past experiences.

And so I fucked it up because of that and now I can’t seem to forgive myself for not giving it the full chance it deserved.

if (they) truly understood, I think they would've let it go for a bit, not giving it your all at all times isn't a mistake, everyone has their on and off times. If they can't give you that then it probably wasn't gonna work out

Realize that life is very long and there’s more people than you could ever hope to meet. Even if you’re only compatible with one percent of one percent of people, that’s still about a million people who could potentially be “the one.”

Like, life is so long, dude. And you can’t predict the future. Your life may go down paths you could never even imagine. This is gonna sound trite and cliche, but forgive yourself and don’t live in the past.

It was a while, I never had a real relationship before I really didn't know what I was doing.

I’m sorry you’re going through this, but you shouldn’t be too harsh with yourself, you’re human like everyone else. We all mess up and we’re always harder on ourselves than anyone else. After being hurt in a relationship, whether it’s emotional/mental/physical abuse, infidelity, it can be super hard to allow yourself to be vulnerable in a future relationship. I can totally relate to that feeling. Keeping people at a distance provides a feeling like you’re protecting yourself from being hurt. It’s hard to fully trust someone even and especially when you love them very much, because of fear of having your heart broken again. I’ve been struggling with changing that behaviour myself and healing as much as possible through therapy etc. so I don’t eff up my current relationship. Forgiveness usually comes with time, I hope you’ll find a way to be kind to yourself and learn from going through tough times so you can grow and next time hang onto the love that you find.

Thanks.. It's been over a year and I am still struggling when I think about it. I just miss talking to her, no others I've dated has felt close to the same.

ugh I feel you. I'm sharing my opinions while I'm finishing up with highschool realizing I have no clue how to treat someone properly

:/ I'm having a hard time I don't know if I'll ever truly move on from this one.

Were you able to open up to them about these feelings? Or do you think you would be able to do that? If you did, do you think that there might be a chance to try again with the relationship?

I wish.

She kind of moved on quickly after she broke it off and started seeing someone else.

You’re holding her memory on a pedestal. If you compare everyone else to her they’re never going to add up. You knew her better and longer than these people you’re trying to date.

Have you tried talking to someone, a professional about this?

But with her it was instant and intense connection.. It’s rare

Ugh.. that’s really rough. If she was able to move on so quickly after breaking up with you, then maybe that relationship wasn’t meant to stay as a part of your life long term. Don’t lose hope that you’ll find a great relationship with someone who’s amazing after this one. Sometimes it just takes a while. Hang in there!

No. It isn’t. Plenty of people connect immediately. Chemistry is chemistry. You won’t connect with anyone because you can’t get over her

Maybe. I’m actively trying to get over her though. It’s just not as easy as you are trying to depict

It’s been a year. I’m not saying it’s easy, but it has to be done.

Perhaps a therapist can help you. You’ve been doing this on your own and can’t get over her. I’ve been there. I know it’s hard not to beat yourself up, but you have to do it for yourself