“nothing of interest” was found inside.

I can write this story: a hitman declines to kill his mark - a gorgeous dame - and hides her away in a cabin somewhere. He goes out to sea with fellow henchman, and tosses overboard an empty chest, weighted with sandbag, claiming the dead body is inside. The hitman then disappears, and lives out his life under an assumed name, with the gorgeous dame.

That's the sort of luggage you buy before leaving to throw yourself into a volcano

— Geraldo Rivera

The big woo

It's even watertight...tight as a drum.

Back when labels were honest, it never broke.

Nobody ever asks the luggage what it thinks.

I’m imagining some ancient wizard hiding an item of immense power inside, locking it up, and enchanting it with a “neverbreak” spell before casting it into the sea for him to recover centuries later when he needs it again.

… is that a warning?

Dio…

Did it contain Alvin the treacherous?

Joe Banks owned luggage just like this one. Last seen around 1990 on the island of Waponi Woo.

So the article is about nothing?

Edit: Damnit I read it and it was wholesome and sweet.

it’s jumanji

It doesn’t look barnacle-y enough to have spent much time in the ocean. So, it was washed out of someone’s house and then came ashore on the beach?

Dean Winchester and the Archangel Michael are inside

It was likely buried in the sand in 1960 during Hurricane Donna (or earlier) and unearthed during this last hurricane. Hurricane Donna is said to have buried a car back then in the same area so it's definitely plausible.

I was hoping for another sarcophagus opening situation.

pls explain

Careful it might be The Snail