Submitted by DanteDakota t3_1103adn in CambridgeMA
I’ve been working on my social anxiety for a few years now, and would like recommendations from people about where I can go in the Camberville area (preferably on the red line) to “come out of my shell”.
Ideally I would be going on a weekday to avoid crowds and noise (that might be the next level).
Thanks.
You could try a skip the small talk event for a more structured environment!
I would second doing a more structured activity. I feel pretty comfortable in most social situations and I have a hard time going to bars alone. Maybe try one that has live music? That way you have an activity to occupy yourself with and an easy way to strike up a conversation with someone if that's what you're looking for. I really enjoy the Burren early on a weeknight. Sometimes I'll bring a book or my laptop and just hang out after work, before it gets too crowded.
also second the Burren!
Plough and Stars, Miracle of Science, Shine Square Pub would all be good options.
Bartenders at shine square pub are super nice. You can sit at the bar there by yourself, chat with them casually, and talk to strangers if you want.
Haven’t been in a few yrs but they’re super cool, prob the coolest and funniest I’ve been around
Was there last night. Still the same guys/same vibes!
The bartender with the mustache at the Plow is a bonafide dickhead. Absolute fucking prick. Give that place a miss.
I mean, he's always been cool to me. Ymmv.
I lived in Riverside for two years and the bartenders at Plough are so chill...
Even though I love the Plough and Stars, I second this
Good to know it’s not just me!
That’s Paul and yea… he got fired from Boston public schools for assaulting a kid. It’s not just you.
Love the establishment though
Go to Atwood's Tavern. You can strike up a conversation with anyone at the bar, they are all friendly.
+1 on this, just avoid peak hours.
Also Trina's on a slow day.
I’m a therapist myself. I’m curious, why a bar? What’re you hoping to get out of the experience?
The ability to carry on with strangers and to get used to the hubbub of a gathering place of people.
Well that sounds like a bar. So you’re looking for a place with some hubbub, but not too crowded and noisy, and you’d also like to have some conversations with strangers.
The Druid is a well known Irish bar in Inman Square. You might find that enjoyable. And the Irish are known to be quite the conversationalists.
The tenders at the Druid tend to be chatty if you head in mid day. Same with Trina’s.
I think saloon in Davis could be nice. Haven’t been in years (I struggle with something similar) but seems like a good goal cause it’s dark in there and easier to feel more intimate (vs chaotic)
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The Cambridge Common has super nice bartenders!
The abbey near porter is great
Reading reviews online and apparently the bartenders are rude, so I will have to skip it for now.
Theyre weirdly rude. It wasn't awful i think its kind of an act, but i wouldn't recommend it given your original post. The Druid is great, New Republik is pretty solid, Thirsty Scholar too. All in Inman Square. If you enjoy video games, Roxys aka 4rcade in Central sq. Is pretty solid too for a relatively friendly vibe and you can get some good grilled cheese too
My personal experience there has been the exact opposite. In fact, one of the reasons I like going there is that the staff is super friendly. Bummer to hear others have had poor experiences there though
abbey staff is very rude in general, as a server who works in the cambridge area
A little off the redline is the highland kitchen a great bar to sit by your self and maybe read a book or listen to the jukebox and maybe strike up a conversation
People describe me as one the the most extroverted people they know and I find a bar a bit intimidating mostly due to lack of structure.
Have you considered something more structured - like going to Havana Club near central for bachata / salsa lessons followed by a dance social?
Super beginner friendly, you rotate people in lessons so you can socialize with a dance partner and then rotate afterwards. Great to meet people, but also great that after each song / rotation you can gracefully exit.
I found a wonderful community with the social dance scene - after a while you’ll see some familiar faces.
As for socializing with strangers with while having anxiety - I recommend almost having some “questions” in your back pocket that you can ask them to break the ice.
This person is supposed to be working on getting used to just being around other people in general, and you want to them to start with freaking dance lessons?!?
It's interesting how people here that are apparently viewed as very outgoing say they find going to a bar alone to be difficult or intimidating. I have no problem going to a bar alone. I can't even imagine going to social dance lessons; I feel like I would never do that, and any majorly structured activity like that would probably make me at least a little nervous the first time, much more than going to a bar.
That said, a bar can work, and alcohol can be a nice lubricant to progress to handling conversation with strangers, but you don't want to end up relying on alcohol to be able to talk to people.
I worked at Miracle of Science a few years back, and some of my favorite bartenders and regulars are still there. I often saw strangers having the best time together. Now that I work in a different industry, I really miss the easy conversations I used to have at the bar.
You’ll also find great bartenders and regulars at The Druid and Trina’s/Parlor Sports!
If you like crossword puzzles, they’re a great way to start a conversation. Just ask the bartender (if they’re not busy) or person next to you for some help, even if you don’t need it!
I’ve always found the staff at MOS super friendly, it was my local for years before I moved north.
It’s also a great place to just sit down with a book.
What about a brewery? I love Remnant or Lamplighter - I'll go with a book after work sometimes. Very chill atmosphere, and lots of good food options around in the area too!
Agreed with other posters, a "skip the small talk" event might be really good as a starting point.
Parlor sports? They’ll have a game on in the background, which means noise, but also makes for easy low-commitment conversation
Ymmv but i found that “having a job “ was really useful. Like you have a predetermined reason to talk to folks. I was sort of Shanghaied into doorknocking during the 2016 elections to remind people to vote. I didn’t want to do it initially because I had pretty bad social anxiety back then but I found that it really made a huge difference — talking to folks and basically being able to displace whatever that person was sending my way towards the operation I was a part of rather than myself sort of let me off the hook of self judgement.
That aside, I still find bars kind of intimidating. I miss my hometown pub; it was a very low pressure environment with a bunch of patio chairs outside where people either kept to themselves or optionally joined in with the folks next to them, either was 100% ok. Haven’t found anything like that here yet.
If you can get yourself out to Everett near Wellington Circle, Bone Up Brewing is a great place with good people. And they make their own coloring pages and provide crayons.
Good luck wherever you wind up!
A bar doesn't seem to me at all like the best place to begin to have lite (let alone Light) interaction with strangers.
I'd recommend the Diesel Cafe in Davis Square, where you can find a seat at a large shared table, or even better imho, look for a small group on Meetup.com that does some sort of activity you're interested in.
Grendel's in Harvard Square is a nice low-key atmosphere.
I've always been a fan of bars as a place you can dip in or out of conversation. I'll often bring some project-related reading or paperwork to do so that when I'm not conversing, I don't have to stare into space or be on my phone. You got this!
Rescue a puppy and have social at dog parks. It's an easy way to break the ice
There's lots of great suggestions here, but I'll add some thoughts about low-key options that don't involve drinking:
I have some other ideas but DM me so I can get an idea of what your interests are. Good luck!
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Your therapist recommended alcohol? Far out
A couple places I’d like to co-sign from this thread: Atwood’s and Miracle of Science. Miracle of Science is my safe place. One I’d like to add is the Druid in Inman Square. There are two nights where they have Irish Sessions which mean that you can focus on the music and let impromptu conversations happen organically. Best of luck!!
state park is pet friendly!
Just wanted to thank you for this request - lots of people (me included) are constantly on the lookout for places like this, especially post-covid. If you ever want to plan something concrete, I’d be happy to meet up with you somewhere for low-stakes conversation, OP!
Honestly I'd try a dog park, you can make small chat with the owners and if you need to bail on a convo you can just pet some dogs.
I certainly can’t speak for all of them, but a lot of parks don’t allow people without dogs to use them. But, if you have a friendly dog, this would be my top choice too :^)
This is a stupid comment. There isn't a single mixed use or full on dog park in Cambridge that doesn't allow people without dogs to go visit. Can you name any in the Boston area at all even?
Ah, maybe that was only a thing at one park I went to. Idk why I thought that was more normal. I can’t remember. As a walker I don’t use dog parks for liability reasons so I’m not familiar with the rules at public parks, my bad
Usually it's better to give no advice than bad advice.
Or if you have any friends/neighbors with dogs ask yo go with them if you’re worried about not having a dog at the park! As a dog owner myself, I’m much more chatty at the park!
TLDR_no_life t1_j86qzxn wrote
Maybe find a bar you can sidle up to at, like, 2pm? My last semester of college my buddy and I were done with class at 1pm three days a week. We found out (trial and error) that a pub in the early afternoon on a Wednesday was the perfect time to find a bored bartender looking for something to kill the time til happy hour.