Divorce Experts?

Submitted by Automatic-Ear9267 t3_z5yb1s in Connecticut

Hi, looking for someone who could breakdown what i could expect during a potential divorce.. helpful if they are familiar with kids involved and I am a stay at home mom. We recently moved to CT so I am not sure what differs, pragmatically, here in the state. Would love to chat and get my bearings for what I could expect financially. Hoping to not have to leave the home we purchased. Thanks so much for any kindness thrown my way.

Happy to share specifics to gauge where I’d be in the end, if any normal folks want to chat.

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ijuanaspearfish t1_ixyld9z wrote

Get a lawyer, pay for said lawyer. Financial affidavits, assets, and what not. Lawyer will ask a few times throughout process of you still want divorce. If you have kids, dont tell them. Keep living your life.

Go to court. Get the divorce decree, and start living your single life.

I got a divorce 2yrs ago, my lawyer handled a lot for me. It was just reviewing and signing documents and waiting for a court date.

I was the husband, not sure that makes a difference. I got the house and kids, I gave her the car i bought for her and thats about it.

Didnt go for palimony because she was like you, a stay at home mom and as much pain and hurt she put me through, she hadn't worked in over 20yrs and im not a spiteful person. But she done fucked up....

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ct-yankee t1_ixyth0m wrote

In my experience, it is in your best interest to get a mediator and come to an agreement together. Also, get an attorney yourself and have them provide advice, guidance and a review of the final agreement. CT is a no fault state (though not exclusively - so the WHY of the divorce will matter if things get ugly.).

  1. There are child support guidelines that are followed to the letter with consideration given who the children will be with, etc.
  2. Alimony is not always pursued, but since you are a stay at home mom, I am presuming an attorney will tell you that you "should" pursue it.
  3. Marital Assets are split 50/50. This will include everything including 401k/pension/home equity/savings/cars/motorcycles/boats/etc. The party that gets the house has to "buy out" the equity of the other (a factor in the overall splitting of the assets.). That is, if you say you want the house, prepare to have to be entirely responsible for it after the divorce.
  4. Debt is split according to income, unless specific agreements are reached.

I am a divorced dad of three. Been through this, bought both t-shirts (haha). Happy to share if you want some atty names, who I used for mediator, etc.

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Nigel_IncubatorJones t1_ixzkwpi wrote

What me and my ex wife did is I kept my 401k and pension in exchange for not having any interest in the house. Otherwise she would have had to sell the house in order to give me my share, and I didn't want our 4 kids having to move out of the house into an apartment.

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Allinorfold34 t1_ixz30ya wrote

Anything owned pre marriage is exempt from the split, right?

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Hot-Cry920 t1_ixz48qu wrote

Nope dont rush into marriage can financially ruin

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Allinorfold34 t1_ixz8gp4 wrote

I don’t think this is correct. If you own something pre marriage I think it’s exempt from the 50/50 split. Anything acquired during marriage is fair game.

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Hot-Cry920 t1_ixzb0mf wrote

Im in Massachusetts now so this may not pertain ct…Massachusetts law (Chapter 208, Section 34) specifies that “the court may assign to either husband or wife all or any part of the estate of the other.” In other words, the court can take all the property of one spouse, even premarital, and give 100% of it to the other spouse!

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Nigel_IncubatorJones t1_ixzlf9e wrote

I think so, unless it has gained value during the marriage. Anything acquired during the marriage or any increase in value to savings or stocks or 401k. And if one person already owned the house the other person is can claim half the value of any equity gained during the marriage... I'm not a lawyer, but I've been through a divorce

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Frequent_Jelly_4138 t1_ixyvhcz wrote

“I am a stay at home mom” “hoping to not have to leave the home we purchased”

Always get that prenup gents. You wouldn’t drive without car insurance would ya!

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GoPikachuGo1 t1_ixzfwru wrote

you can get a good look at a t-bone by sticking your head up a bull’s ass, but I’d rather take the butcher’s word for it.

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mynameisnotshamus t1_ixz0tdb wrote

Prenups are easily worked around, especially in CT. Never rely on a prenup.

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DobermanAG t1_ixyr4uw wrote

Not a lawyer.

Divorce sucks and is difficult for everyone.

Regarding financials many things come into play. Divorce cause, health, occupation, how other assets are being split, future earning potential etc. Personal experience and a quick Google search helped me find those answers.

Your being able to keep a million dollar house and Audi Q7 seems unlikely based solely on alimony and I'd wager your odds increase of doing so if the divorce was the result of the other party stepping out, abusing you or similar.

Edit: do your best to find a good lawyer. In numerous legal matters the quality of my lawyer greatly helped me prevail.

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Synapse82 t1_ixzeh5q wrote

She will possibly keep the new Audi Q7 if paid outright. since it was bought for her. He will keep the house but pay out a large amount in alimony that still will be worth the suitcase out.

I would assume she could be entitled to the house but couldn’t make the monthly payments.

This post gives me anxiety, divorce sucks. And I’m not even married. Lol

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GoPikachuGo1 t1_ixzfpa7 wrote

My girlfriend and I of 10 years love each other, have a child together, and both NOPE the fuk out of the idea of involving the government in a relationship.

A breakup can be sad and unfortunate.

A divorce can be soul crushing

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Allinorfold34 t1_ixyz9dm wrote

You went from thinking of a vasectomy reversal to divorce in under a year? Good luck…

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coolducklingcool t1_ixza4oa wrote

Not an expert at all but double check on whether or not you can even file in CT. Sometimes there are residency requirements tied to length of time. My cousin faced these issues a few years ago, but I can’t remember the details. Only that one state where they lived was easier to file than the other - they moved back and forth between VA and CT a few times.

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Papa_Bearto2 t1_ixyq5zg wrote

Best thing I did during my divorce was get a lawyer. She was awesome and I walked away without having to pay a dime in alimony.

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jackandjerry t1_ixywvd1 wrote

Jud.ct.gov has a page full of resources. Get a lawyer lined up. Cwealf.org (ct women legal) is a non-profit that css as n help connect you to a lawyer. Having a therapist for myself and the kids really helped us get through it and come out better for it. I would ask a lawyer asap about the financial piece and if you should start lining up employment. Better to get legal answers than guess or wait. I wish you well.

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[deleted] t1_ixz0lqk wrote

[deleted]

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Artistic-Set-2950 t1_ixzmjiz wrote

Ew. This post is so sad

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[deleted] t1_iy22rn8 wrote

[deleted]

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Artistic-Set-2950 t1_iy24fva wrote

It’s not the fact that it’s a stay at home mother that’s cringe. It’s someone who was just shopping for a brand new Audi Q7 18 days ago. Idk many people who don’t work and can afford a 60 thousand dollar car after just recently moving to one of the states most affluent towns. If it was me I’d stfu grin and bear it a atleast for the kids. Can’t be all that terrible if you ask me. The state favors mothers any ways. I’m sure they’ll be fine.

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Nigel_IncubatorJones t1_ixzlq01 wrote

What Connecticut does is takes the assets of both people and adds them together, then splits 50/50. It's up to the parties involved how the split the actual assets to equal that 50%

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Steady_Habits_CT t1_iy13ntq wrote

Be careful about yr choice of lawyer. Many are sharks and others are incompetent. Go for mediation--your kids will thank you for it.

If you use an atty, and push for something unreasonable, your ex will hire an atty who then will up the ante. Before you know it, you will have a contested divorce, a GAL involved (they are all incompetent), and you could be looking at $200,000 to $1,000,000 of legal bills if there is a lot of money. There could be charges and countercharges of mental illness, drug/alcohol abuse, etc. Also, depending on the length of marriage, you may have to get a job, and probably won't keep the house. If you have a trial, most judges will order the house to be sold, so there is incentive to stay out of court.

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Down_vote_david t1_iy3ptzi wrote

Is your kitchen remodel really going that bad?

After taking a look at your post history, I can understand why you're getting divorced.

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Momofthehouse- t1_iy0dp71 wrote

Hope you’re alright I’m a fellow stay at home mom!

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Usedtoknowsomeone46 t1_ixypxcl wrote

You're a woman so you're all set in divorce court.

They almost always side with the woman no matter what.

Just name your price and how much money you want and you'll get it.

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AhbabaOooMaoMao t1_ixyviv2 wrote

Incel, you lost. Probably a good reason for it. You seem like a piece of shit just based on this post. So, what reasons did your wife list in support of her petition? I'm sure there were a few. Probably still sitting around house all dirty wondering why she left.

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Usedtoknowsomeone46 t1_ixywg19 wrote

I didn't mention anything about myself. I'm simply going by statistics and data.

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Mental_Grapefruit726 t1_ixz0t21 wrote

Statistics only an Incel would cite….

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Izaac5150 t1_ixyzher wrote

Ah wow someone’s a little triggered 🤣

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