This is going to suck.

Best option for train transport is going to be somewhere between New Haven and Old Saybrook. Your best school choices will be Madison and Old Saybrook. Guilford and Clinton are good secondary choices, but again, your commutes will suck.

Better to move to Newton or Cambridge in MA while your husband finds find a new job, or move to Westchester while you find a new job.

One of my best friends growing up had two very smart parents. His Mom worked in Providence at Brown and his Dad worked for I think Intel in Boston. They both had 2-3 hour commutes after they got on the train which was hours more. They'd leave before the sun came up. It was a disaster. I remember going to sleepovers when I was 8, 9, 10, yelling at his parents to please stop screaming at each other on his birthday.

If you want to have a healthy family, one of you has got to bite the bullet and take a hit professionally. If that's not important to you, do as you please.