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Drakolyik t1_izi1n38 wrote

Well I'm on the schizophrenic spectrum (officially bipolar with psychosis and both visual/auditory hallucinations) if that helps any. Super strong with the neuroses am I. I'm able to manage my symptoms now that I'm fully self-aware of it but oh man was it difficult before I got a handle on it.

I've also done a shitload of psychedelics. Oh the crazy things I've seen and oh the euphoria and sheer terror I've witnessed. Beautiful and grotesque. Awe-inspiring and humbling.

MDMA, Shrooms, LSD, and DMT all turn off my inner monologue. What comes out is my most inner self, and she's a real crazy whirlwind of weird and awesome. She doesn't know the laws of physics or human culture very well, so she gets into trouble. It's like unleashing a being that's only ever existed in a purely simulated internal world that has no constraints at all and is suddenly in a world with constraints. She often forgets she inhabits a human body and that not everyone is so pleasure driven.



FrogsEverywhere OP t1_izi2sjz wrote

Mdma and k make my inner monologue become... Outer. But psychedelics really free me. I was always afraid to lose control so I avoided them for years and years, and then just finally letting go, throwing yourself into the chaos and the beauty. I wish everyone could experience it, the world would be better. I truly believe there is a secret world full of truths that you can explore, and maybe even map, but certainly learn a lot from. Looking at a normal piece of cloth and seeing a trillion sparkling fractals in every thread, it's like... The limited version of the world we are stuck in being peeled away and getting a glimpse of.. something.

I wouldn't say a new person comes out in these moments but I would say the best possible and healthy version of me does.

I had a good friend who had schizophrenia and drugs would really send him off the edge and he would end up in jail over and over for just being so careless. He ended up getting locked up for a long time and that was the last I saw him, I moved very far away to start over. We tried to help him keep sober but it was like a force of nature. I hope you can find a happy balance fellow traveler.