part 2/2

I later learned about "comparative suffering" & realized that just because our specific trials in life aren't "as bad" as other people have it, doesn't mean that they're not valid or still difficult for us! Your experience is valid, your journey is valid, and struggles are both VERY real AND valid!

As far as dealing with negative internal situations goes, we basically have 3 options:

1. Eliminate the issue
2. Manage the issue
3. Endure the issue

Some things can be fixed through things like therapy or surgery. Other things can be managed through things like medication. And some things we simply haven't figured out yet, so we just have to deal with them! Eventually, I came across Carol Dweck's "mindset" theory, which says that in any given situation, people have one of two mindsets:

1. A "fixed" mindset, which says "I can't, and here's why"
2. A "growth" mindset, which says "I can, and I will be persistent until I find a way to deal with it!"

I came to realize that happiness is more than simply feeling good all the time & that a lot of it boiled down to my personal willingness to take responsibility for my own happiness. In practice:

• I can't control everything that happens to me
• I also don't get to choose all of the consequences that happen to me
• I do get control over SOME things

But what it really boils down to is this:

• Being willing to manage my consequences (even when I wasn't the one who created them, I'm still STUCK with them!)

This becomes especially difficult when dealing with negative internal feelings such as panic attacks, anxiety, depression, etc. because those things don't just magically get better by willing them to change, nor does everyone respond to "easy treatments" such as going to bed earlier, eating better, or exercising.

Which is something that people who say things like "Just stop feeling bad!" are absolutely CLUELESS about! Some people literally struggle with things like treatment-resistant depression, which makes living a happy life VERY difficult!

As I evolved my perception over time, I came to realize those two options I discussed earlier:

1. I could be a sponge for the negative, which is literally a blackhole due to the amount of negativity that exists
2. I could choose to bypass that (not easy!) & be a force for good, which sometimes meant just literally hanging in there on those days when I was so crashed that I couldn't even get out of bed!

Which ultimately led me to make this choice:

• I could focus on making a contribution

Again, sometimes that contribution was solely to me, myself, and I, on those days when I couldn't even muster the energy to get into the shower & get my day started! Which ultimately boils down to a choice in attitude:

• Given the fact that the world is both an incredibly & an awful place,
• Given the fact that I personal struggle with apathy & depression, to the tune of severe clinical depression,
• Do I want to allow those situations & those feelings to control my attitude & my behavior? Because it is the EASIEST thing in the world to cave to inaction & negativity!

The reality is:

1. No one can come into my life to define happiness for me
2. Even if they did, I'd simply reject it because it wasn't MY idea!
3. Likewise, no one can come into my life to put in the daily effort into working to achieve & maintain happiness, despite whatever obstacles I'm currently facing!

The reality is, sometimes we just feel awful, and sometimes it's for a REALLY long time, and sometimes it's completely immersive, and sometimes it feels like it's going to be this bad forever! So the question is: what are we willing to do about it?

For me, for a long time, it was mostly inaction, moping, and just feeling like a pinata getting beat up all the time. Eventually, when I couldn't figure out how to make things better, I hit that fork in the road: was I going to continue to allow how I felt to dictate my behavior, or was I going to step up & push to do things when I could to try a little harder for a better life, even when it wasn't perfect, or consistent, or easy?

And that's not something you can simply "force" on anyone, just like how you can't say "just stop feeling bad!" & magically expect people to do a 180-degree turn in their life & magically feel better, haha! People have to reach that decision point internally & decide that they want more than their present circumstances have to offer.

But until that happens, there's no pressure in the whole universe that can force people to change their minds about whether or not they want to adopt full, personal responsibility for managing the consequences that they individually have to deal with in life. And again, it's the easiest thing to buy into, because our brains are so persuasive & those negative emotions can be so immersive!

So no, my comments are not intended to tell people to "Just stop feeling bad". They're meant to widen our tunnel vision to see that there's more out there for us as individuals, that we're not as stuck as our brain wants us to believe! A big part of the reason we feel so down & out is because of this:

• Our brain is not designed to make us happy, our brain is designed to keep us alive

Therefore, when our energy is low, it acts like a turtle withdrawing into its shell, cutting off our positive emotions & our energy to get stuff done & ENJOY getting stuff done! It doesn't care about what happens to us after that, it cares about protecting our minds & bodies from blowing a fuse by trying to use up more fuel than we have in our tanks!

Anyway, I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a struggle. Your struggle is valid & it's NOT easy to deal with! I hope you're able to find some relief!