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soulswimming t1_jawptwh wrote

I understand the sentiment behind this, but as someone who is often in the place of the listener (I work in a store and some regular customers like talking non-stop and ranting about their lives), I think I actually prefer to hear "sorry for ranting" than "thank you for listening". Of course "thank you for listening" is nice and appreciative, but something about that phrasing makes me feel the person has taken for granted that they can come and tell me their problems any time they want. On the other hand, "sorry for ranting" shows that the person is aware that what they are doing can be annoying and exhausting to listen to. Maybe this post refers to close relationships, but I just wanted to add my two cents.

In the end, I think it's all about balance. Don't feel and act sorry for yourself or for taking up space in the world and needing someone to listen, but don't go to the other extreme and become that person who just assumes everyone is available for you anytime you want to vent, and all you have to do is just say "thank you for listening" afterwards.

(Sorry about the grammar, English isn't my first language)

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DraxialNitris t1_jaxcevu wrote

I usually say both, "Sorry and thank you for listening"; sorry for taking their time, and thankful for them actually listening

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phorgan t1_jay1zlu wrote

Yeah, hearing people tell others to talk like this sounds a little… manipulative to me? Like, “say this to make them feel like they’re doing something to be commended rather than admitting that you’re taking their time and energy to offload your problems”.

Not that it’s bad to want someone to listen to you. But like you said, might make the person take a mile when they’re given an inch and make them feel like they can do it all the time.

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rapkat55 t1_javt4sh wrote

Sounds good on paper.

In practice I am being a burden that no one really looks forward to dealing with and I need to be self aware and communicate that I’m aware of that in order to not seem needy/entitled and scare people away.

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DeathToBoredom t1_jaw1ooa wrote

Try it before you knock it. Life isn't what you make it out to be. For better or for worse, I've been surprised by different reactions and different results when I do something different from my own perspective.

The point is to take the first step in being a more positive person. Being positive can have positive effects on people. The next problem is keeping it.

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someoneinlife1 t1_jawbv30 wrote

This is totally random but I really needed to hear this. I don’t know why but I have two totally different perspectives on my life right now, and one’s completely negative and one’s completely positive, and it’s hard to tell which one’s true but it is all about perspective. And I keep trying to figure out which one to show to people whenever they ask me how I am, and it just depends on how I’m feeling that day. But I think I just need to focus on making the positive perspective a reality for myself, and then it won’t feel like I’m lying when I tell them positive things. Because really what good comes from telling them my life is screwed up. Anyway, even though you weren’t talking to me at all I appreciate it!

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DeathToBoredom t1_jawvz95 wrote

Thank you for your comment. Believe it or not, I make this comment not just for the one I'm replying to, but also myself and everyone who happens to see it. After all, this is a public board. What you told me is exactly how I see it too. And as to why it's for myself too, it's because I need to constantly remind myself of my past, my convictions, and apply them to my actions. I already understand everything that's positive about life for me, but I'm still fighting myself. I am a slave to my anger, to say the least. One's greatest enemy is themself.

Something similar is "fake it 'till you make it", and although that one doesn't really try to understand the positives, it gets one to take the first step and next steps without thinking about it. Maybe afterwards, they have a better idea.

Edit: PS you're a wonderful person

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adelie42 t1_jawjhsk wrote

No. Follow the advice.

If your behavior is challenging for other people, stop the behavior. If you want to acknowledge their kindness and patiejce, do so, but don't make it about you. Making it about you (thanks for being kind TO ME, thank you for your patience WITH ME, etc) is insulting. Just acknowledge the traits you appreciate, like it is who they are all the time.

Your word choice has me thinking you are referencing some mild ASD or severe ADHD. I'll let you know, little is more annoying than someone that is constantly apologizing for who they are and what they do. But don't take my word for it, ASK the people you care about. And when they do tell you it is one of the most annoying things ever, don't apologize, thank them for the honesty and move on. Don't turn it into a conversation.

See what happens.

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KilgoreKarabekian t1_jaw7ysn wrote

Bro I would stop being friends with anyone who starting talking to me like that.

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adelie42 t1_jawlf7d wrote

It needs to be genuine. You can do it in ways that doesn't make you sound like a snobby ****.

The central issue is acknowledging other people or how they helped rather than making everything about yourself. People that do annoying shit are twice as annoying when they won't stfu about how sorry they are about being annoying.

If someone let you vent, you can just say "thanks" or "I can get through my day now without stabbing a ****". Do you really like it when you give someone your time because you care about them and then they apologize for giving you a chance to be a good friend?

(Reposting because apparently automoderator doesn't like the language I use with my friends to tell them I love them)

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RenzoARG t1_jawtv6l wrote

You like being blunt, direct and honest with your friends, without fear of offending them, because you like to deliver the direct message without space for misunderstanding?

Yeah, they don't like that here... You've to sugar coat everything.

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KilgoreKarabekian t1_jawvubo wrote

If you cant be blunt, direct, and honest with your friends are you even really friends. Never mind the fact that these sayings are just cultural and not literal.

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adelie42 t1_jaxdyz9 wrote

I won't claim it is without fear. It is always scary. But it always works out for the better and I get the comfort of knowing I am living in alignment with my values.

If you have to sugar coat everything, those people are not your friends. At best those are people you put up with to avoid being alone.

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RenzoARG t1_jaydj27 wrote

Exactly my thoughts. If I'm messing up at something, I want my friends to let me know, ASAP, in a concurrent tone with the severity of the situation.

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emgarf t1_jaw3euz wrote

"How to be narcissistic and value yourself more than the people you're affecting"

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drakoman t1_jawpszh wrote

Man, everyone in this thread is so pessimistic. This is helpful especially in a professional context as well as personal. I say sorry a lot, so much so that the people in my life tell me to stop. For people like me, it’s easier to sprinkle these in than just bombard people with my self doubt

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Daddy_Deep_Dick t1_jaxlien wrote

As a Canadian, I disagree with all points. But I appreciate the sentiment. The apology makes the conversation come from a less selfish place.

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[deleted] t1_jawao7x wrote

"Sorry" is just cultural, it's not an actual heartfelt apology. It's not a sign someone has a horrifying lack of self esteem. It already is saying thank you for letting me take up your time. It's saying hey I imposed a little and I realize that.

One of the weirdest things about the past 10 or so years is how literal everyone in the US has become. Every culture has little things little linguistic tics, they are not meant to be taken at 100% literal face value. This is like, why have we lost a connection with our culture, why do we have to be 1000% literal and explicit like it's a nursery school? Things like this meme are utterly bizarre to me.

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TheRareClaire t1_jaxs9k0 wrote

Needed this. I think there are nuances here and the comments have pointed that out. But even with the nuance that this needs, I think it’s a good reminder.

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yongrii t1_jazdisi wrote

After punching someone in their face

“Thank you for your understanding”

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Moses-the-Ryder t1_jax4433 wrote

How to talk like you’re in a boardroom meeting 🤖

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colborne t1_jaxbbrp wrote

Canadian here. What???????? I don't understand. Sorry.

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jrtts t1_jaz0coj wrote

"thank you for letting me sleep with your wife"

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Virtual_mini_me t1_jaznaj4 wrote

IMHO these kind of messages are the problem.

Everybody will thank you when you are actually expecting them to be sorry for wasting your time, treating you like garbage and keep undermining you.

True you are not an apology, but you own an apology.

0

RenzoARG t1_jawto0w wrote

Instead of attempting to cloak what you want to say into something soft, say it already with no sugar coating. Quit considering the weaklings' oversensitivity to language (but, if someone has to tell you this, it is because you're probably one of them too).

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parlapier t1_jax467n wrote

Whats the practical benefit in being actively rude? Make everyone dislike you?

Better to say something nice rather than individualistic bull crap like this, but if you have to, and you are an individualistic person, its better for you not to make others think you are a bigger asshole than you already are.

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TechnicalOtaku t1_javmxgo wrote

This is just being manipulative Edit : getting downvotes because manipulative asses think this is just "smart" behaviour. They don't understand respect unless it's respecting them.

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Gustlfresse t1_javr2bs wrote

I disagree. It shows that you value yourself.

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emgarf t1_jaw1czv wrote

Yeah, it shows that you're narcissistic and value yourself more than the people you're affecting.

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741BlastOff t1_jayf4vv wrote

Depends on a lot of context. Some people apologise way too much and it can be neurotic and annoying. If we're talking about a close friend, I don't want them apologising to me for the umpteenth time, I'd rather be thanked for the time and effort I'm putting in to the friendship. If it's some random at a bus stop, then by all means say sorry, because you're taking liberties with my time that I didn't offer.

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Gustlfresse t1_jaw3nbc wrote

No it does not. Don't label everything as narcistic.

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