Running from life is a great way to make yourself miserable [Discussion]

Submitted by TreatThompson t3_11me2gr in GetMotivated

Life has a natural instability to it. Most things are just out of our control.

I think Marcus Aurelius put it well:

“Man is like a dog tied to a moving wagon. If the dog refuses to run along with the wagon he will be dragged by it. Yet the choice remains his: to run or be dragged."

We’re just kites in the wind.

Naturally this makes us uncomfortable. Humans crave stability, guarantees, and permanence.

We want the warmth and calmness of being 7 years old, never having a thought about something going wrong. The protected existence of going through life with our hands held and a blindfold on.

But that’s not real. So we carry on with a subtle anxiety that pushes us to find an escape.

Our Escape

We escape life in so many ways.

Being Busy

Our favourite way of escaping is also the theme of modern life: busyness.

Being busy is a choice we make to our own downfall. Like Seneca said, “Living is the least important activity of the preoccupied man.”

We don’t have to deal with our fears if we dominate our days with work and random tasks.

Like someone who’s too scared to go to the dentist. They never have to go if they “don’t have the time.”

You can run from a lot of problems just by being busy.

The Mental Escape

The easiest escape from the present is to live in your thoughts.

Some people run to the past to try to relive their memories and some try to go to the future by ambitiously dreaming.

In either case, the present is too disturbing to focus on. Their only relief is clinging on to times that don’t exist.

Obsessing Over the Future

The most dangerous escape is dedicating your life to the future.

To end the unsettling feeling, we put our focus on whatever chapter is next in our life.

But the future can’t be experienced. It doesn’t exist.

Chasing the future is like chasing your shadow.

We rush through your life—skipping over all the good parts, never taking in the beauty, never feeling the magic, never acknowledging what you have, giving it all up for something that you can never hold.

Our happiness, then, doesn't consist of anything real, it's based on hopes, guesses, and assumptions.

The Cure is Worse than the Disease

Our intention is to find comfort in these escapes, but we just end up miserable.

We leave the present and rob ourselves of the richness of life.

It’s a vicious cycle. Our solution makes us lonely, insecure, and unhappy. So there’s always something to run from.

Like Kierkegaard said, “our constant escapism from our own lives is our greatest source of unhappiness.”

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This post was from my newsletter

I share ideas from great thinkers so we can stand on the shoulders of giants, instead of figuring life out alone

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Comments

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WhatAreYou_Casual t1_jbhgo8f wrote

As a guy in his early 20s, motivation is something that is good. Discipline is better.

Today's day and age is filled w stimulants. Porn, social media, streaming services, video games, alcohol, weed etc.

All of them are just escapes.

Porn hijacks that need we have for intimacy. Sort of filling the sexual part, but not the emotional bit a partner provides.

Video Games trap you in a cycle of dopamine so that you keep playing for hours

Social media tries to catch your attention with whatever they can.

Attention span is going down, depression is rising, people are more and more lonely. But I can't recall anyone in my time during school actually saying discipline is a good thing. Hell we look at some parts of the US and porn is almost encouraged among young teens / barely teens. Almost guaranteeing they will struggle w addiction later.

What does every big corporation want? Your time. For you to spend time w their products. Time can never be regained, only be spent. So make sure to spend it in a way that builds a good future while also letting you enjoy the present.

Where am I going w all this? Fuck if I know. But if someone reads this, 1% at a time, improve your life, cut out the things that don't want the best for you and it will get better it did for me, it will for you too

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TreatThompson OP t1_jbhi2zz wrote

Haha you asked where are you going with that but that was a quality spew

Think you’re dead on

It’s definitely an attention war right now. That’s a huge commodity right now

Great sentiment at the end—thanks for sharing 😄

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Snaab t1_jbiezgi wrote

Someone has read Atomic Habits lol

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WhatAreYou_Casual t1_jbisxt8 wrote

Great book tho. Like if we are talking just physically has the principles taken me down 50lb since I moved out Went from a few reps of 50--60lb bench to doing 25 reps at 100lb. Stamina was shit now I can bike uphill for a bit over a mile w no problem.

The principles work pretty damn well

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Far_Neighborhood_117 t1_jbjqoh5 wrote

Are these “principles” you mentioned in Atomic Habits? Maybe i should give that book a read.

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WhatAreYou_Casual t1_jbjt4fr wrote

"Principles" might be the wrong way to put it. More like "understanding habits" if you will.

Atomic Habits is just that, habits. So it'll help you build and break habits.

I made it a habit to eat better and train more. Leading to said results.

If you want what I did specifically, no processed foods (got to the point where I couldn't eat burger king/McDonalds thanks to stomach throwing a fit). A little bit will more or less always be there. But reducing it heavily. Bread (especially in the US) is a good one to avoid, sauces in general as well.

Then it's all about watching the calories you consume. Make sure to be in less than what your body needs and you'll loose weight.

If you want to work out/build muscle as well. Focus on the clean eating, working out and keeping a slight calorie deficit. No need to go too hard. Gotta have energy for the day after.

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TreatThompson OP t1_jbh9x2e wrote

I like to think about this quote too when it comes to this:

“All of humanity's problems stem from mans inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”—Blaise Pascal

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tritium3 t1_jbhv1q4 wrote

I spent so much of my youth and early adult life studying and training for my career I feel like I missed out on all the fun experiences and adventures that “normal” people have. I’m so desensitized to living alone and entertaining myself. This contributed to my divorce.

I fortunately have a great career and plenty of money and great friends and family but I frequently feel very lonely and feel that I have a different set of problems than the average person.

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sbfx t1_jbi1g8w wrote

You’re not behind as you think. You have a great career, friends and family. Some people have none of those. Quit fixating on other people, lose the mentality of should have done this, should have done that. That time is already gone, it doesn’t make sense to dwell on it when you still have a ton of life to live.

Your ego is the one concerned about the past and the future. Ego dissolves in the present.

Get serious about dating. Get fucking angry that you allowed yourself to be lonely, use it as fuel to pursue a serious relationship. Get back in the game. Study the hell out of online dating. Spend 20 hours making a decent dating profile, not some nonchalant bullshit all over the apps these days. Get serious about it and maximize your chances of attracting the right person.

Good luck out there, I believe in you.

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tritium3 t1_jbl5xi1 wrote

I know. I’m extremely grateful for what I have. Just starting to get over the trauma of the divorce with a ton more knowledge and insight since. I’m still pessimistic about the dating angle but Im planning on working on it.

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TreatThompson OP t1_jbhvytz wrote

I’m sorry to hear that! I’m glad you can recognize the positives though, that’s inspiring to read

Thanks for sharing that😄

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AsheronRealaidain t1_jbkdd1m wrote

Well I was fortunate enough to receive a small ‘safety net’ when I was in college. Bittersweet as it came unexpectedly from my godmother who passed away. She was an amazing women and I’d wish I’d gotten to know her better.

Point is…I have always been a procrastinator. I always wanted to ‘maximize my enjoyment’. I’d skip classes all semester and then stress out and teach myself everything the week before the midterm/final. Stay up all night writing that 10 page paper the night before. It’s a miracle I graduated with a 3.0. I had a lot of fun along the way BUT…

I continued living this way forever. I still am! My charisma and intelligence were enough to get me by and I was always commended at work. Even when I started doing opiates. No one knew. They all thought I was killing it. In reality I was doing what I considered to be the bare minimum while ‘maximizing my enjoyment’. Turns out doing $200 of Oxy a day isn’t very financially sound. So I quit my job and the opiates. Slowly replaced that with drinking. And on and on it went from 27-34.

SEVEN YEARS I’ve been fucking about while my friends put in the work and all have amazing jobs and houses. And now that I’m about to be 35 I am finally completely sober but…I have no idea wtf to do. My previous work experience is in fields I won’t go back into and I spent the last 2 years learning a business with the intention of buying it only to have the deal fall through. I’m constantly stressed and feel like I have to start over and basically put myself 10 years back from where I ‘should be’

All that to say that I would trade places with you in a heartbeat. You 100% made the right decision and life choices

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tritium3 t1_jbl5a7z wrote

I’m definitely grateful for what I chose occupationally and it’s better to have “existential” problems than “real” problems like not have enough money for food or housing.

I do regret my marital choice though. The biggest hardship I came across in my life was my divorce and although obviously I wish it didn’t happen, there was some value in the failure and perspective change from it.

I think the people who rise from true hardship and then become successful are the happiest people I know.

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DesireIWTTIY t1_jbi0imw wrote

What're you doing to fulfill yourself?

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tritium3 t1_jbi0xwe wrote

I get very engrossed in my hobbies and never get bored of them. I also have phases of self improvement. Looking to start dating soon.

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Sunshay t1_jbhgjw8 wrote

I like your basic idea but what is it then exactly that you propose that we escape from? What exactly should we not run from as much? You talk about it in such general points that it is unclear.

You say even getting lost in your thoughts is an escape. I would argue that people who don't introspect or do not spend any time pondering are the ones running away from their problems. But you seem to mean something different. Can you define better what exactly we should focus on more or what we should ideally not escape from as much. You say "life" but how do you define it in this context?

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TreatThompson OP t1_jbhhqrz wrote

I definitely get your point, there’s alot of abstract here so it’s confusing to find something practical to apply

The mental escape part in my perspective is being stuck in the past or obsessing about the future aka not being present

Sometimes I’d fall into a pattern of “I’ll be happy once I get this.” Like when I graduate university then I can enjoy myself. Then it was when I get a full time job then I can enjoy myself. Then it was when I get a raise/promotion then I’ll truly be satisfied. That’s one escape. I wrote off the present and just made life about the future. The anxiety over stability and comfort made me keep moving the goal post.

Or being lost in the past. I’d glorify the past and not bother trying to make the present great because it just won’t reach the level of satisfaction the past had.

I hope these examples offer some more clarity!

Also I’m right there with on introspection. I think a alot of people coukd benefit from that reflection and “analysis” of the self

Thanks for sharing!! 😄

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Adi_San t1_jbhjhfp wrote

Those parts I already understood from your post but I don't really think you are answering his question which I was also curious to know the answer to.

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TreatThompson OP t1_jbhku9a wrote

Hmmm okay I see the question is mainly about what not to run from. What is the abstract idea of “life” that I propose were running from

My answer to that is the present. And that can be present desires, present thoughts, present feelings, etc.

A tangible example is something common I hear about a lot—someone really wants to start a YouTube channel but is absolutely full of fear about it. They may escape this desire by making themselves busy. They could start a new house project and then say “It sucks I just don’t have the time to get started on this YouTube channel”

Or I know I’ve personally been guilty of convincing myself that work is actually busier than it seems, so I don’t have the energy to start a new project that I find daunting

Hope that example makes sense 😅

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sbfx t1_jbi1swx wrote

The ‘escaping’ is from nihilism, finding zero meaning in anything, then having a bitter, unrewarding life where decades go by and you have absolutely no sense of life purpose and nothing to show for it.

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Visible-One-5901 t1_jbm0dl6 wrote

I think I understand what the author is saying perfectly and can relate.

Escaping from my social insecurities by focusing on getting into the best school, getting my first job, getting the best job etc. was exactly what I think the author is describing.

But was it good or bad for me? Frankly I don’t have a definite answer. I very much enjoy where I stand financially, which just gives me this baseline level of happiness I couldn’t have achieved otherwise. I’m 34 and just starting to take leveling up my dating game seriously. Would I have been better off had I faced my fears and focused on relationships in my younger years like most normal people do? Very possibly so. But there is no point analyzing the past. Instead I’m really happy to acknowledge my escape strategies and to make a conscious decision to not escape anymore, trying to internalize a new mindset that the only way for me to really grow is to face and actively seek what makes me uncomfortable.

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_sagittarivs t1_jbhwtng wrote

There's a concept in Taoist philosophy that resonates with me. The concept of wu-wei.

A video by Einzelgänger puts forth an interpretation that goes along the line of: we often worry too much about how to present ourselves that we forget to be ourselves.

Another interpretation goes in the sense of: we often face our issues or problems with our preconceptions and assumptions of how things would turn out, and because of this we face our issues by seeing them as we think they are, rather than what we see them as.

We go into the issues by thinking that we should act in certain ways to effect certain outcomes, which sometimes is counterproductive in trying to get the outcome we want.

And to see things as what we see them as, we need to let go of our egos, our preconceptions, and to react to them not instinctively.

Not too sure if it is similar to what you mentioned, but it is also about living in the moment, just without the preconceptions that can cloud your opinion of what you see.

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DesireIWTTIY t1_jbi0scb wrote

>>we face our issues by seeing them as we think they are, rather than what we see them as.

I really liked this. Thanks for sharing.

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TreatThompson OP t1_jbjics9 wrote

Wow that is great! I can definitely relate to those urges and tendencies

Thanks for sharing that

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Firm-Initiative-1851 t1_jbhwd2w wrote

To be fair, running in general makes me miserable

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SweetTeaRex92 t1_jbia56k wrote

If you hate running, wait till you meet the stair climber!

Seriously, it'll give you buns of steel

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1stbaam t1_jblb6kj wrote

>
>
>I think Marcus Aurelius put it well:
>
>“Man is like a dog tied to a moving wagon. If the dog refuses to run along with the wagon he will be dragged by it. Yet the choice remains his: to run or be dragged."
>
>We’re just kites in the wind.
>
>Naturally this makes us uncomfortable. Humans crave stability, guarantees, and permanence.

The issue is man is too stable. He is getting dragged along by the wagon and no longer cares. The choice is run along or be dragged (homeless/out the system) humans crave innate human fulfillment not provided by basic jobs.

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LeagueComfortable427 t1_jblg0wd wrote

I spent so much of my youth and early adult life studying and training for my career I feel like I missed out on all the fun experiences and adventures that “normal” people have. I’m so desensitized to living alone and entertaining myself. This contributed to my divorce.

​

I fortunately have a great career and plenty of money and great friends and family but I frequently feel very lonely and feel that I have a different set of problems than the average person.

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ZenMonkey21 t1_jblms8w wrote

Sometimes I go about in pity for myself, and all the while a great wind carries me across the sky

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