tritium3 t1_jbhv1q4 wrote on March 9, 2023 at 3:39 AM

I spent so much of my youth and early adult life studying and training for my career I feel like I missed out on all the fun experiences and adventures that “normal” people have. I’m so desensitized to living alone and entertaining myself. This contributed to my divorce.

I fortunately have a great career and plenty of money and great friends and family but I frequently feel very lonely and feel that I have a different set of problems than the average person.

sbfx t1_jbi1g8w wrote on March 9, 2023 at 4:36 AM

You’re not behind as you think. You have a great career, friends and family. Some people have none of those. Quit fixating on other people, lose the mentality of should have done this, should have done that. That time is already gone, it doesn’t make sense to dwell on it when you still have a ton of life to live.

Your ego is the one concerned about the past and the future. Ego dissolves in the present.

Get serious about dating. Get fucking angry that you allowed yourself to be lonely, use it as fuel to pursue a serious relationship. Get back in the game. Study the hell out of online dating. Spend 20 hours making a decent dating profile, not some nonchalant bullshit all over the apps these days. Get serious about it and maximize your chances of attracting the right person.

Good luck out there, I believe in you.

tritium3 t1_jbl5xi1 wrote on March 9, 2023 at 8:49 PM

I know. I’m extremely grateful for what I have. Just starting to get over the trauma of the divorce with a ton more knowledge and insight since. I’m still pessimistic about the dating angle but Im planning on working on it.

TreatThompson OP t1_jbhvytz wrote on March 9, 2023 at 3:47 AM

I’m sorry to hear that! I’m glad you can recognize the positives though, that’s inspiring to read

Thanks for sharing that😄

AsheronRealaidain t1_jbkdd1m wrote on March 9, 2023 at 5:50 PM

Well I was fortunate enough to receive a small ‘safety net’ when I was in college. Bittersweet as it came unexpectedly from my godmother who passed away. She was an amazing women and I’d wish I’d gotten to know her better.

Point is…I have always been a procrastinator. I always wanted to ‘maximize my enjoyment’. I’d skip classes all semester and then stress out and teach myself everything the week before the midterm/final. Stay up all night writing that 10 page paper the night before. It’s a miracle I graduated with a 3.0. I had a lot of fun along the way BUT…

I continued living this way forever. I still am! My charisma and intelligence were enough to get me by and I was always commended at work. Even when I started doing opiates. No one knew. They all thought I was killing it. In reality I was doing what I considered to be the bare minimum while ‘maximizing my enjoyment’. Turns out doing $200 of Oxy a day isn’t very financially sound. So I quit my job and the opiates. Slowly replaced that with drinking. And on and on it went from 27-34.

SEVEN YEARS I’ve been fucking about while my friends put in the work and all have amazing jobs and houses. And now that I’m about to be 35 I am finally completely sober but…I have no idea wtf to do. My previous work experience is in fields I won’t go back into and I spent the last 2 years learning a business with the intention of buying it only to have the deal fall through. I’m constantly stressed and feel like I have to start over and basically put myself 10 years back from where I ‘should be’

All that to say that I would trade places with you in a heartbeat. You 100% made the right decision and life choices

tritium3 t1_jbl5a7z wrote on March 9, 2023 at 8:45 PM

I’m definitely grateful for what I chose occupationally and it’s better to have “existential” problems than “real” problems like not have enough money for food or housing.

I do regret my marital choice though. The biggest hardship I came across in my life was my divorce and although obviously I wish it didn’t happen, there was some value in the failure and perspective change from it.

I think the people who rise from true hardship and then become successful are the happiest people I know.

DesireIWTTIY t1_jbi0imw wrote on March 9, 2023 at 4:27 AM

What're you doing to fulfill yourself?

tritium3 t1_jbi0xwe wrote on March 9, 2023 at 4:31 AM

I get very engrossed in my hobbies and never get bored of them. I also have phases of self improvement. Looking to start dating soon.