Sorry to hear about what you’re going through. I of course don’t know your specific situation, but hear me out:

My mom and dad got divorced just last year. After the initial, inevitable hardship my siblings and I went through while we processed our new reality, we are all better off; especially, my parents. They are still every bit as committed to each other as they ever were during their 36 years of marriage. In fact, they text or call every day. But now they get to truly live their lives every day, without having the stress/pressure of trying to cohabitate with another person who naturally exists almost completely opposite from how they each want to. Having their own space and being able to rebuild their independence has empowered my parents to bring their healthiest selves to every family get-together, and they are both amazing grandparents to my brothers’ kids.

My uncle and aunt also got divorced, about a decade ago. She (my dad’s sister) is still obviously around. But he moved back to Canada and no longer comes to family get togethers. They both have healthy relationships with their 3 kids, but they don’t spend any time or keep in touch with each other anymore. Regardless, they are both out there living their best lives.

I also know a couple who got divorced. They then both remarried. One of their partners died. The other got divorced a second time. And then, after 30-odd years, they reconnected and have now been married and loving life together for the last decade.

Finally, there are countless examples of people working through the hardest of times, practicing self-growth, learning how to compromise, and ultimately salvaging a healthy, lifelong marriage that was previously on the verge of collapsing. It requires equal participation from both parties, and it’s hard as hell, but it can be done!

My point is that no matter what happens, whether you end up leaving your husband, or collaboratively rebuilding your love from the ground up — it’s going to be okay. I’m sorry you are going through it, but you are going to be okay. You can handle it, and you’ll come out of these exceptionally hard times a better, stronger person. I wish you the best through it all.