One thing that helped me was noticing that I affected the people around me. And if I could have a positive effect, then I gained a reason for being more positive about myself.

The opportunities came with minor leadership positions at work, conversations with family and peers, and even making friends with people in my neighborhood (neighbors, store owners, whoever). If I went to the same sandwich shop often and ordered the same thing, it was easy to become recognized as a “regular”, and then it was easier to make small talk.

You have to understand, though, that I planned NONE of this. It just happened organically. But if I could go back twenty years, I’d tell myself to keep doing whatever I was doing because it would work out.