Do you have to be unhappy now for success in the future? [Discussion]

Submitted by TreatThompson t3_11ztgv2 in GetMotivated

Working towards my goals every day gives me a sense of sadness.

By definition having a goal means I’m not where I want to be. So there’s something lacking in my life.

I feel defined by what I don’t have when I make them my daily focus.

My fitness goals remind me I’m not the weight I want to be.

My financial goals remind me I don’t have the investments I want to have.

My writing goals remind me I’m not at a level I want to be at.

The life I’m not living guides me. And I thought that was fine and normal, but this story made me feel like a fool:

>A fisherman is done for the day and he is lying down, relaxing beside his boat, smoking a pipe.
"Why aren’t you fishing?" a rich passer by asks.
"Because I have caught enough fish for the day," the fisherman responds.
"Why don’t you catch some more?"
"What would I do with it?" "You could earn more money, was the reply. You could put a motor on your boat and go into deeper waters and catch more fish. Then you would make enough to buy nylon nets, which would bring you more fish and more money. Soon you’d have enough money to own two boats... maybe even a fleet of boats. Then you’d be a rich man like me."
"What would I do then?" the fisherman inquires.
"Then you could really enjoy life," says the smiling rich man.
"What do you think I’m doing right now?" answers the fisherman as he gets even more comfortable in his seat and smiles back.

I fell into the mindset of the rich man. Which has positives—being driven like that leads to results.

But I realized I don’t want the theme of my life to be results.

If my life focus was results then I couldn’t be the smiling man laying back and enjoying the moment.

Joy would also become that only future me could enjoy.

As most things are, I’m sure the answer is somewhere in the middle.

Maybe I need to fall more in love with the process, so that what makes me happy also leads to results. Or balance my days with painful grinding and peaceful joy.

Looking forward to seeing others insights. How do you guys deal with this dilemma?

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This post was from my newsletter

I share ideas from great thinkers so we can stand on the shoulders of giants, instead of figuring life out alone

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Comments

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_Weyland_ t1_jdenzws wrote

I tend to look at it from a different angle.

If you have all that you want, life begins to feel empty. Yes, it feels amazing to finally reach my goal, but once it's done... then what? It's just there and you're just there.

Working towards your goal on the other hand often means improving yourself bit by bit. Doing something you couldn't have done yesterday. It's not only about suffering now for the sake of tomorrow, but also celebrating what you can do by, well, doing it.

I walk up and down the stairs of my apartment building as a form of excercise. 17 floors up and down. When I started I could barely make it up and down once before having to catch my breath. Now I can go 4 times up and down. That's an improvement alright. I was making a 3D model of a sword as a hobby. At some point I decided to remake it from scratch and it took me about a week to recreate a month of previous work. I advanced in that skill even though the model is not yet ready.

Sometimes all you need is to look back and admire the path you've already covered. If you cannot see the finish line it doesn't mean you're still at the start.

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TreatThompson OP t1_jdep59q wrote

This is a great perspective and might be the most practical and one I align with the most

Pursuing growth definitely gives meaning and purpose

Thanks for sharing this, it was really well said 😄

Also happy that you’re seeing progress in 3D modelling—it seems like such a painstaking hobby. But I’m sure looking back at what you’ve created is so rewarding

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Sanguinius666264 t1_jdeylj6 wrote

ah - meaning and purpose. There, that's putting your finger on it. Being dissatisfied with where you're at is one thing and I agree, it's 100% motivating to be dissatisfied and it certainly helps to then align yourself to improve. Once you've also figured out what your purpose is, that when you're working towards achieving that outcome, that's 100% chef's kiss great.

I struggled with it for a really long time, until I had something of an epiphany pretty recently, actually - one of the key things I found was the need to get rid of my bad habits. I was drinking too much, I had bad habits with food, I was still being pretty comparative between other people and what they had.

I stopped drinking. I eat right. I exercise a lot. I know that I'm here to deliver kick ass projects and to help other people in achieving the same thing. I live for my family and what they need. There's nothing else - there doesn't need to be anything else, because all of those are infinite and can continnue for as long as I'm here on the planet.

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TreatThompson OP t1_jdf2hoc wrote

Damnnn I absolutely love that last paragraph

So happy to hear that for you! And selfishly it’s comforting to see possible satisfaction without over complicating it

Personal projects and people you love definitely make life feel full

Thanks for sharing this 😄

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pripkun t1_jdebyuk wrote

As a wise philosopher said once: "No pain, no gain"

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Ericknator t1_jdezyfu wrote

I kind of have the feel of the fisherman now. I got a job that, while it's not enough to become independent and leave my house, it does cover all my personal needs and wants. I wake up, go to work, come home and play videogames until time to sleep.

I'm almost graduating from college (Which I don't care or feel accomplished at all. I just do it so people stop asking me when I'm graduating). Literally the only reason I have to do it is to truly have the free time to play games.

After that I just want to find a job that allow me to live by myself and when that's achieved... that's it. I think I will have a life that I want. I don't need to be rich, I don't need to have a bodybuilding body, I just want a comfortable life.

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TreatThompson OP t1_jdf2vo9 wrote

Seems like you’ve got an idea of a lifestyle you want and your directing your efforts towards achieving it—that’s admirable

Just because the lifestyle of simple, doesn’t mean it’s empty

I can definitely relate to wanting simplicity and things I truly enjoy over what’s flashy and bein in a hectic environment

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eternalmomentcult t1_jdf21uk wrote

The key you’re looking for satisfaction in the present moment. People intellectualize awareness and this lose the DEPTH that can be found in every moment.

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mr_taco_man t1_jdf9pun wrote

From my point of view, getting better at something is usually the fun part. It doesn't have to be sad that I haven't reached a goal yet. Let's say your fitness goal is to do 30 pushups in a row, but you can only do 20 right now. You good choose to feel all depressed that you are 10 short of your goal, or you could be like "I've gotten to 20 so far, that is pretty awesome, it will be fun to see if I can get up to 30". Having a challenge to work on and gradually overcoming it can be really fulfilling.

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TreatThompson OP t1_jdfd096 wrote

Reflecting on where you are already is definitely a positive way to reframe it

Great point!

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That_Turn3520 t1_jdf37ik wrote

First week at the gym sucks.

Second week is easier.

By the fourth week, you’re looking forward to it.

I wish you all the best in blasting through the suck so you can experience the enjoyment

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Indy997 t1_jdf9h42 wrote

tbh success doesn't make you any happier, you get a short fleeting bit of happiness then it's just back to the grind.

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TreatThompson OP t1_jdfcrvf wrote

Feels like that’s the case for sure

Achieving the thing isn’t the end goal—there’s no resting in paradise after

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Toneloc427 t1_jdfk835 wrote

Gratitude. That is the answer you seek for being happy in the present, while still striving towards improvement. Instead of focusing on the things you're "missing" focus on what you have and be thankful - including gratitude for the desire and opportunities to grow and improve.

Start with a small, simple gratitude list each morning. Three things, minimum. Five is better. Ten if you're feeling ambitious. But it's more about the mindset than the number of things. Once you get the hang of it, things snowball and you quickly lose track of the number.

For example: I hate folding laundry. I was pissed off the other day when I realized I had a clean pile sitting on my bed that I needed to deal with before bed. Instead of ruminating on how much that sucked, I shifted perspective to be THANKFUL for all the privileges and conveniences and good fortune that having clean clothes to fold entails:

I have clothes to wear! Not just what's on my back, but lots of clothes. Different outfits for different occasions, suited to different weather, different purposes, etc. I have decent furniture and a small walk in closet to put my clean clothes in. I have a washer and dryer in my home to clean my clothes at my convenience, rather than going to a laundromat. I have clean running water to run the washer. I can afford the electricity to run those machines. Hey, that means I have a steady job to be grateful for...and it goes from there.

Maybe this example doesn't apply to you, and some people frown on it with the attitude that it's like saying, "it could always be worse" - and I guess it is to some extent. But it's more like opposite sides of the same coin because you're grateful that it isn't worse and finding joy in that simplicity.

Hope that helps, even if I've explained poorly.

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TreatThompson OP t1_jdjchfq wrote

Appreciate you going the extra mile to explain this!!

That’s a great point and I think one of the best perspectives to have

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Toneloc427 t1_jdkj8fe wrote

So glad you found some value in it! Best wishes on achieving your goals and staying happy on the journey!

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skiliks t1_jdegkxv wrote

I'm more the look forward to being home and doing exactly what I planned to do or if nothing was planned then nothing. I know there is something missing in my life but thats a something only a already content and happy man can enjoy.

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TreatThompson OP t1_jdejs8l wrote

Hmmm that’s is an interesting perspective

That last sentence has me thinking 🤔

Thanks for sharing!! 😄

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Apprehensive-Ad6596 t1_jdepqru wrote

Haha "No Pain, No Gain" indeed! I've been having the same thoughts as OP for quite some time. For me personally, moving along the path towards an always distant goal is an "enjoying of life" on itself. The only downside of this is constant comparing yourself to the other people. Especially of the same age. Stop doing this is hard or even impossible😅

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TreatThompson OP t1_jdf0n1s wrote

The second half of what you wrote is definitely major! Comparing to others, especially in the same age group, can be so damaging and demotivating

Hope you can overcome that urge!! 😄

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poopatroopa3 t1_jdeuzks wrote

It doesn't have to be bad, it's an act of sacrificing the present/delaying gratification for a future reward. Ideally you express gratitude to your past self when you get the reward, as they made your life easier, and then pay it forward to your future self 😄

As for the fisherman story, I think most people are like him and would rather relax more and that's alright. Other people really enjoy developing things and that's alright too.

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TreatThompson OP t1_jdf1b3x wrote

I think the scary part of your first paragraph is getting caught in a cycle of constantly paying it forward and never paying yourself now

I don’t think I want to pay it forward for decades and decades and then at 80 realize I never cashed in to enjoy it now

Thanks for writing this it got me thinking!

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Heavy_Investment1871 t1_jdfcbm5 wrote

I think accepting that you’re not where you want to be is crucial to growth. You can’t change what already happened, but you have the opportunity to take what you’ve learned and use that to propel yourself to new heights. Sure it’s easy to say, and believe me I’m definitely where I’d like to be. But no amount of looking back or looking at my present will change what has happened. The future is bright if you choose to see it.

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plaid-blazer t1_jdfhtvz wrote

I've known so many people who "have it all" by society's standards but who are miserable because no matter how much they achieve, they never feel like they're successful enough. I don't want to live like that.

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TreatThompson OP t1_jde1a5u wrote

It reminds me of this quote too

“In the gap between who we wish one day to be and who we are at present, must come pain, anxiety, envy and humiliation”—Alain de Botton

Pain is built in to reaching goals

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mcr1974 t1_jdfsese wrote

you need a bit of both. growth, and chilling.

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Party-Writer9068 t1_jdgahny wrote

i say do whatever you want, and maybe stop relying on ancient philosophy or internet motivational quotes.

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justasmalltowndad t1_jdgegdz wrote

One way I think of it is: at any given moment, I'm either a success or not. Am I at the gym, working out? Then I'm a successful gymgoer (because I'm doing what a successful gymgoer would be doing)

Whether I have a six pack or not, I need to be at the gym 3 times a week. So then the measure of success is no longer the six pack, it's the actual way I'm spending my time. If I'm doing my best, I'm just as successful in that moment as Arnold is when he's at the gym. (or insert whatever bodybuilder is your hero) same goes for every area of your life.

Plenty of millionaires have days where they wake up at 8 am, eat breakfast, chill out on YouTube, run to work late, get bored in meetings, scroll reddit, head home, and play video games... Are they successful? They for sure won't be if EVERY day is like that.

The success doesn't come from the million dollars. It comes from how you spend the majority of your time.

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Emperor_Kael t1_jdgg2hi wrote

I think the best way is to try and treat happiness as a choice instead of at the mercy of ur brain juices. For example, saying I feel my body is getting stronger versus I'm tired and sore from that workout can have really positive impacts.

So in that way, when you're working towards success, you can define your journey as giving you happiness. And perhaps it might not truly be at first but it just might after a while.

To achieve it requires mindfulness; to be aware of your own thoughts.

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KajunDC t1_jdgxk3u wrote

The journey IS the fulfillment in life. It’s never reaching your goal that provides fulfillment. That feeling is so fleeting. It’s the daily journey and the small wins along the way that are supposed to rev you up. You need to change your mindset on that or you are in for a continued unhappy life. I speak from experience. Tony Robbins and his teachings really changed my life in so many positive ways.

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Unique_Sink_8322 t1_jdh21je wrote

i think bro you can still enjoy your life and be happy with it while you working hard to achieve your dreams cause when you are not happy to what you are doing right now it is possible you gave up easily and totally not achieve your goals'

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meansnoharm t1_jdjh4ok wrote

Read man’s search for meaning by victor frankl

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