[Text] I want people to know this

Submitted by homie_147 t3_125w7cv in GetMotivated

Someone envies you for having the energy to take out the trash today, you envy someone for having financial success, that someone envies another for having a family. The cycle goes on.

Notice that these people will never be satisfied with what they have/are because there will be always someone that has something additional. Stay with me, please.

It's ok to want to have more for yourself, but it's not ok to put yourself down because you are not there yet. One thing is to envy, another to admire and work to get there too.

You need to be grateful and for that you need to be connected with people and experiences.

I'm fighting depression for about 2 years now and it's getting better. The thing I realised now is that everything I did before this dark period, I did it so flawlessly, without thinking too much. And I was beating myself up for not being able to do more, but now EVERYTHING I do, I am grateful for, and you should be too.

I am not saying to settle, but I am saying to be more kind to yourself, does not matter how many people are ahead of you. Compare yourself to the old version of you, not with others because you don't have all the info about their life to make an accurate comparison, you are not in their shoes so you don't know. Just like they can't now exactly how it is to be you, so they can't judge you.

Be there for yourself.

EDIT: Grammar

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Superb_Upstairs_4507 t1_je73r7w wrote

I just found a gratitude journal/habit tracker that perfectly encapsulates this! Thanks for your post! Not sure if links are allowed, search Amazon for B0BZMJ8XZL. It says the paperback comes out in April, the ebook is out now. If you click the author’s name it comes in two different titles lol. I like it.

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HappyConsciousSoil t1_je820tv wrote

Thanks for sharing this. We all feel negative emotions, and when we are aware of this fact we can feel more connected with the world.

“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.”

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INFeriorJudge t1_je7oog8 wrote

Thanks for this—I needed it! So true—you’re so right about the way we Frankenlife m…you know, envying this persons perfect social life, that persons house/ car(s), the other person’s husband/ wife/ kids, someone else’s job…

I gave up my career to WFH 3 years ago to be 100% commission and self employed. While I’m beating myself up about not having all the XYZ that the neighbors or friends seem to have, I remind myself that I work probably part-time hours and get to experience a quality of life with my family (and myself) that anyone would kill for.

So grateful for what I have, where I am… thanks for the reminder.

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nofapnewbieman t1_je82ili wrote

But say, being grateful kills the competitive attitude and stuns your growth. When you settle for something low, how can you grow.

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homie_147 OP t1_je95yzq wrote

From my point of view, being grateful gives me more motivation because I appreciate what I accomplished.

I did not say to settle. Please refer to the last paragraph of the post. There is always room to be better.

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oysterfeller t1_jeanfqe wrote

I actually found this very helpful because my depression comes with a lot of shame and guilt which depletes my motivation because it feels like “I’ve messed up so many times, other people are so much further than me already, I’m useless so why bother trying?” And one great thing I’ve found to combat that guilt is gratitude and mindfulness. I might not be successful in business yet but I have achieved a wonderful home life that I didn’t have before, so that’s proof that I can in fact get the things I want if I try hard enough.

And another thing that’s been helpful is actively reminding myself that it’s NOT a competition. My friend getting her dream job doesn’t say anything about my work ethic. That girl I went to high school with posting her beautiful wedding on Instagram has no effect on when I’ll get married. That stuff isn’t about me. I do understand that a competitive attitude works for some people and that’s great! But it doesn’t work for everyone and sometimes it’s helpful to just be in the moment and realize I don’t have the worst life in the world, it’s actually pretty great and I’m really lucky so I don’t need to stay in bed beating myself up over my failures. Anyway thanks for this post, you’ve changed my day from a depression-in-bed day to a get-shit-done day 💕

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nofapnewbieman t1_je99q6s wrote

Yeah yeah, you are right op. I was just saying people say such things as well like what I said. But ultimately it's upto us, whatever we prefer and suits.

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tryinghealthrny t1_je8a4qi wrote

This really hits home. Thank you for this message!

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betterstolen t1_je8j27h wrote

Social media makes it a lot harder with how easy it is to see someone’s life, but everyone needs to realized they don’t want anyone to see the bad. Only compare to yourself and realize that in the end none of it matters. Just live your life.

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2Nons3nse t1_je8uu8l wrote

Just what I needed to read, thanks buddy.

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a-friendgineer t1_je9lv1f wrote

Thank you.

I get a bit scared because the person I used to envy divorced me and he wields this emotional authority over me that I don’t want anymore, but I have to remember that my authority is God’s authority and that I’m safe in God’s house, so thank you

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Repulsive-Mango-2432 t1_jebuegj wrote

Well said. I too am learning to be there for myself. It’s easier said than done sometimes, but I’m on that depression boat right now and am trying to read books and find healthy mental habits to add to my day to get out of this rut.

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sleepy_puzzle t1_jegn5om wrote

This exactly reflects how my day was. Felt like every movement was as through water, slow and heavy, and everything being seen through a foggy and dull lens. Was beating myself up this morning and felt down for many (some seemingly insignificant) reasons. A lot of my negativity stemming from comparisons with others, not in a constructive kind of way. By around lunchtime I just told myself that ”it’s ok” to feel this way. I’m here and that’s all there is right now. Made the dishes. ”Good work!” Cooked a meal. ”This was delicious!” Studied. ”Proud of today’s accomplishments!”

We should celebrate what we are and do in the ”now” and practice acceptance of what is and what may come. You are enough and you are worthy of love. Most of all, you are worthy of giving it to yourself.

Thank you OP for this post.

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[deleted] t1_je7oqia wrote

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homie_147 OP t1_je8xekh wrote

I understand. Before I posted this I also thought about this, but I changed my mind and here is why. Even if you had it better when you were younger, you have more experience than ever. You will always have the most experience in the present moment. You will probably say well, it doesn't matter how much experience I have now since I already made the wrong decision. But you will not do it again and you are more prepared and you can teach others about it.

I also made wrong decisions in the past but what can I do about it? Nothing. I need to accept them as they are and be more careful next time.

You are saying other people made the right decision back then and you didn't and now you suffer for it. This is life. But what can you do about it? There are 2 ways. First, you stay where you are or second you try to get out. And I can already tell you some positive things based on what you said:

  • Suffering builds character, so you became stronger than your old self
  • Like I said, you have more experience and with that you can make better decisions because you know how it's like to pick the wrong one and you will be more mindful
  • you will learn more about you through this period than you would from success

It's hard to think positive whenever but you need to make an effort. And about being grateful. You should be grateful for the little things. If you want to have what they have, think of the present situation as just a period, it will pass. But you need to work towards what you want.

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oysterfeller t1_jear6kl wrote

But in another 5 years you don’t want to be looking back on this moment thinking “I could have gotten so much more done 5 years ago if only I hadn’t been spending so much time worried about the missed opportunities from 5 years before that.”

When I was 28 I spent my time pining for the days when I was 22, and when I was 22 I spent my time pining for when I was 17, and now I spend my time pining for when I was 28. Do you see the problem?

The solution is mindfulness and living in the present. The past is in the past, it just is what it is. The current moment is the only moment that exists, and will ever exist. What’s an opportunity you can seize NOW that you won’t have in another 5 years?

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mazurzapt t1_je88y8z wrote

It’s so cool to be able to take trash out or take a shower. I wonder sometimes if I will be able to do it. I like to take the trash out after midnight, so it’s really on my terms. Good luck everyone.

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[deleted] t1_je6aamt wrote

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dancingwolpertings t1_je6t8uf wrote

To distill this down to a phrase: Tenacity and gratitude. Henry Winkler said that’s what got him where he is in an interview with Marc Maron and I think about it daily.

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WheezingGopher t1_je6bjaw wrote

Identifying what you need to do is pointless if you cannot figure out what do do about it.

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homie_147 OP t1_je6civw wrote

How do you identify what you need to do without having a goal?

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[deleted] t1_je6f5u7 wrote

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homie_147 OP t1_je6ffs0 wrote

This is also a place for advice and I wanted to share my piece. And I didn't said anything about problem identification. My point is that everyone is on their own path of success and they need to be grateful for what they accomplished so far while continuing striving.

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MyEmailAccount t1_je71a8y wrote

If you cannot figure out how to do what you want to do, then you are gonna be miserable. Its likely that folks in that situation are doing things currently that do not serve their goals/ambitions.

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