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stiiknafuulia t1_iqv9xek wrote

What about the crippling guilt and regret from past misdeeds?


sasigona OP t1_iqvaev7 wrote

Understand that you were probably not a good person but you don't have to remain that person. Guilt and regret is at least an acceptance that you were wrong, a lot of people don't even get to that point. The next step is to try and become a better person, and forgive yourself for the person you were and the things you did.


bubba2260 t1_iqw5dqe wrote

Guilt is a very volatile fuel for self harm

Shame as well

Give yourself a break, you deserve it 馃憤


fragglerockerpoo_22 t1_iqw63mk wrote

What about crippling debt from doing this exact strategy over and over?

Good idea but we monetized skills and knowledge and insisted that humans can only exist when they interact with the economy successfully. If you "remake" yourself and that self isn't a working cog in our economy you're homeless...


digninj t1_iqwwgw0 wrote

There鈥檚 lots of ways to work with this. What鈥檚 helped me is Somatic Experiencing therapy, deep breathwork, plant medicine and NLP.

It鈥檚 about releasing the energy in your nervous system that is keeping you stuck as well as requiring the connections in the mind and body that are being activated.


Strong-Formal-7739 t1_iqvbgfa wrote

I needed this today, thank you.


rbear30 t1_iqvr74n wrote

Healthy striving over perfectionism: Value progress over success and enjoy the process


Mootivate t1_iqy9046 wrote

This is a better message than the post lol


mithie007 t1_iqw09q1 wrote

Got kicked out of art school?

Not the end of the world.

Rise up above and go into politics.

You can rise up from anything!


DontUnclePaul t1_iqw0hrf wrote

Some things that are permanent:




Brain Damage

A Life Sentence without the Possibility of Parole



screenlicker t1_iqyhkj2 wrote

I was thinking of dismemberment/amputation as well.

Really, I believe everything we do has some form of permanence. There is no going back: time runs one-way.

This is not to say that we can't learn from our mistakes or that we cannot grow or become better people. I believe that we all have that capability to some extent. It is a core tenet of mine.

But I had a music teacher say once about playing a wrong note, once it's done, it's out there -- there's no going back.

I believe it is true of everything. Good or bad.


Curleysound t1_iqx0iv1 wrote

The idea that people can think new thoughts is a new thought to many people. Just because what you鈥檙e doing now works doesn鈥檛 mean it鈥檚 the only way.


JohnyyBanana t1_iqve0j8 wrote

How do i go back university for another 3-5 years to do what i should鈥檝e done 10 years ago? How do i pay for it?


sasigona OP t1_iqvf46u wrote

If it's not realistic for you to go back to university, you have to look at the best option for you now. Everyone makes mistakes. I wish I did a lot of things differently when I was younger. I know it's easier said than done but you have to look ahead.


JohnyyBanana t1_iqvftl0 wrote

I want to go do a medical degree or a phd but both seem impossible


sasigona OP t1_iqvkqpk wrote

Is it a money issue? I don't know your situation but there must be some way to get funds to study. And if not, maybe work until you can and save on other stuff if this is really what you want to do. Sorry I can't be of more help.


rock-solid-armpits t1_iqvm2fw wrote

Same. After going through some things I wanted to help others, but I already set foot on the engineering side so it's impossible


BustAneurysm t1_iqvomnl wrote

I鈥檓 not in the medical field, but when I dropped out and then returned to college after a couple years I had way more financial aid available to me (I鈥檓 in the US). Because I had been lower class $8 / hour during my hiatus, suddenly I was eligible for Pell Grants, subsidized student loans, and additional grants through the state Workforce Agency. My degree was a BS in Engineering. I still graduated with loans, but the balance was much lower than it would鈥檝e otherwise been. Plus, I basically lived off the loans while attending college such that I didn鈥檛 have to juggle a part time job and classes/studying.


p4nnus t1_iqxiz1k wrote

Some things are permanent. If you get your leg amputated, thats permanent.


Make_it_To_Me t1_iqvby3g wrote

create habitsss. but how to be consistent 馃檨


sasigona OP t1_iqvct3b wrote

Start small. If you want to develop the habit of reading for instance, start by reading one page a day, but do not skip it. Gradually you can bring it up, though reading a page a day is also good. If you cannot read a page a day, maybe reading is not for you and try a new habit.


Bozhark t1_iqwhrky wrote

Oh fuck yeah let鈥檚 regrow some body parts!


Nerdmigo t1_iqxgrlm wrote

Can we rise up to never use the words "rise" and "up" ever again?


sasigona OP t1_iqxha7x wrote

Sure. But what do you have against rise and up?馃槄


TheTrueTaleTeller t1_iqvb74d wrote

It's not wrong to look back sometimes then, objects can be closer than they seem. As long as you know where you are going or not, you are always moving forward.


sasigona OP t1_iqvcame wrote

True. I take the never look back as meaning 'dont go backwards'. Even that's not realistic, there will be times you fall back, just remember to rise up again.


AsianButBig t1_iqves0q wrote

You can think new thoughts, but how are you going to change your thinking completely and permanently?


ReinventedOne t1_iqwc3rx wrote

Pay attention to your thoughts.

If there is an overall theme to thoughts (like "fuck everyone" or "I suck") then there is likely an underlying emotionally charged event feeding them all. Deep introspection can expose and help release that event, causing the "related" thoughts to become weak and not arise nearly as often.

Grabbing or pushing away thoughts are habits, and both actions reinforce those thoughts to arise again. Often people will grab at thoughts that bring them pleasure and push away thoughts that bring them discomfort, then check out into fantasizing when all seems neutral.

The more one indulges in anger, the more anger one craves and the more likely one will habitually jump into anger without forethought. The more one rejects certain life realities, the more one will dwell in fantasy and become at odds with reality, needing fantasy (or junk food or drugs) to cope with consequences of their disconnect.

Note there is a ton of nuance: every person has different triggers and hangups, so I'm just speaking generally here.


sasigona OP t1_iqvhmkn wrote

I'm not sure you can do that. You can't change your entire thought process but you can think new thoughts and focus on them. If you focus on different thoughts, you almost become a different person, gradually. I think that's what's implied here.


joebrocatoofficial t1_ir3llpv wrote

Great question! There鈥檚 a great book titled, I May Be Wrong, written by a Buddhist forest monk. After spending a number of years in the forest, he was asked when he got home what the greatest lesson he learned after all that time in the forest as a monk. Essentially, he said something like he learned not to always trust his thoughts. I found that very telling. Our thoughts are the result of years of the cake being baked鈥攐ur past traumas, failures, losses, and even positive experiences; a number of things. But the idea is that when we have a thought we should pause and take a minute. Really think about whether the thought reflects our essence鈥攐ur authentic self. If so, then we should go with that thought. If not, then we should reevaluate. All this, of course, is related to consciousness and other concepts around self-awareness.


unripenedboyparts t1_iqwutga wrote

Except this extremely comfortable bed with two weighted blankets and a smart thermostat that turns on when I hit the snooze button!


WhabidySteve t1_iqxnttg wrote

I did this about a month ago.

Best I鈥檝e ever felt, never going back.


Ministeroflust t1_iqvp7sq wrote

What about age? Is that a factor?


sasigona OP t1_iqvtdis wrote

If you're younger it's probably easier but age shouldn't stop you from learning or trying new sensible things.


Mnemosynesis t1_iqvsqvc wrote

What if one is dead? How do they rise up from that?


BDSMRabbit t1_iqxl4q7 wrote

Except a spinal cord injury. Good luck.


GoblinKing1o1 t1_iqxm8ml wrote

Ah yes but what about people who are stuck in crippleing debt and live paycheck to paycheck?


sasigona OP t1_iqxqrm8 wrote

I mean some situations are obviously really hard but it's better than giving up isn't it?


cashewbiscuit t1_iqxtwhk wrote

What about cancer? My dad couldn't "rise up" from cancer when it hit him the second time


sasigona OP t1_iqxv0qh wrote

I'm sorry about your dad.

This post is just meant to motivate people who are feeling stuck/hopeless at the moment. Apologies if it upset you.


ARCWuLF1 t1_iqy8784 wrote

No. After a certain point of constant failure you become too burned out to try anything anymore.


sasigona OP t1_iqyr12z wrote

Each time you fail at something, try to work out what went wrong and take steps to get better at that. I know it's not easy. But nothing worthwhile comes easily.

I like the quote "The only way you can fail is if you quit"


ARCWuLF1 t1_ir586pt wrote

Your advice is worthless. I'm nearly 50 years old, and here are the lessons I have learned:

路 Being poor as a child hurts you for the rest of your life. 路 Hard work never results in reward, only in more responsibility and aching joints. 路 It doesn't matter how smart or good you are at something if you have a personality disorder. 路 No one listens to you unless you are rich or attractive. 路 Cherish your imagination while you have it, because once it's gone, it's gone for good. 路 Never engage with depressed 50 year old burnouts.


sasigona OP t1_ir5954h wrote

That last line... I'll engage one last time.

I know my advice will be worthless to a lot of people. Life is just shit sometimes and you can't do anything about it. People who make it just get lucky.


compotethief t1_isq4vr4 wrote

This doesn't apply to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or trauma.

A one-size-fits-most approach is not the right approach to motivation.


SubjectFly9559 t1_iqverho wrote



BillyBobBanana t1_iqw76gs wrote

Determinism is the true way of things. Your entire life has been set since the beginning of time.


sasigona OP t1_iqwbau4 wrote

It's a nice way to absolve yourself of any responsibility


JesterRaiin t1_iqx6pju wrote

Determinism does not absolve from any responsibility.

It simply suggests that what you find to be responsible for and to what extent is determined.

The "remaking of self" is possible, yes. But for whom, in what way and to what extent is determined.


sasigona OP t1_iqxdjys wrote

Doesn't determinism suggest that your every action is predetermined by other factors? If you have no free will since birth, you're not responsible for your actions. I'm not an expert on the topic and would like to learn more tbh.


JesterRaiin t1_ir1758h wrote

Much like many other constructions, determinism also consists of a few separate "layers", or "levels". Hard determinism totally excludes free will as nothing but an illusion. But there's alfo soft determinism that does not exclude free will, merely sees it as influenced by many different factors.

Personally I'm thumbs up for the soft determinism.


sasigona OP t1_ir2hqw8 wrote

Soft determinism I can sort of get behind too. Thanks for sharing.


BillyBobBanana t1_iqwg6r0 wrote

Open your eyes, at what point do humans buck the laws of physics?


Donomyte t1_iqwoppq wrote

What about the laws of physics imply complete determinism? In fact, the Uncertainty Principle essentially says the opposite, at least at the quantum level. Even if you built the most powerful computer possible, you couldn't predict events with completely accuracy.

That doesn't of course, equate perfectly to free will, but saying everything is set in stone is fundementally wrong.


BillyBobBanana t1_iqwq7ln wrote

My guess is that the uncertainty principle can be solved, but due to humans very limited capacity for observation, we simply cannot see it yet


AMasonJar t1_iqx6t0c wrote

What difference does that make? Go "determine" yourself a better life then


BillyBobBanana t1_iqx72h1 wrote

Look up determinism bro, then you'll actually know what I'm talking about


UncleFupa t1_iqyk62v wrote

I feel like a lot of people who don't believe in free will use it as a way to offload all the mistakes they've made and ultimately not be responsible for their own fate.

I've had hard times in my life and I feel like I am where I am today through perseverance and determination. I've chosen to sacrifice things in order to achieve goals I've set for myself.

I used to think those who don't believe in free will were saying that my sacrifices were pointless because no matter what choices I make, it was determined to be exactly where I am today.

But I suppose I could look at it as that I never really had a choice in any of it , I was determined from the start to put in the time and make those sacrifices to get here.


BillyBobBanana t1_iqyu7y3 wrote

Yeah because you determined that making the sacrifices was ultimately the most rewarding path. Great answer btw


UncleFupa t1_ir0746j wrote

Couldn't I have just as easily determined sitting on my computer every night, holed up in my bedroom was the most comfortable path and continued to do that? I feel like I had a choice in the matter.


BillyBobBanana t1_ir0jv97 wrote

Yeah but your advanced human brain realized that your life would ultimately be better if you made money. That feeling of choice is very important, because if everyone felt like they had no power, nothing would happen. So people feel like they have free will so they continue.