Why do so many struggle with being their authentic self? [Discussion]

Submitted by TreatThompson t3_xvioi1 in GetMotivated

“The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.”—Joseph Campbell

But why is it?

I’ve always lived with the mindset that life is too special to spend it on someone else's path, and too short to be ashamed about it.

I think what holds people back is the fear of embarrassment and not being accepted by others.

To that, I always think of this quote:

>When you're 20, you care about what everyone thinks.
>
>When you're 40, you stop caring about what everyone thinks.
>
>When you're 60, you realize no one was ever thinking about you in the first place.

It seems like our self obsession tricks us into thinking everyone is scrutinizing everything we do. So we end up living for others approval.

Relying on validation from others robs you of your “happiness independence.” Now you live by others scorecards. You need peoples approval to feel satisfied.

I think Jim Carrey put it best when he said, “Take a chance on being loved or hated for who you really are. Or you're going to have to kill who you really are and fall into a grave grasping onto a character you never were.”

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This post was from my newsletter

I share ideas from great thinkers so we can stand on the shoulders of giants, instead of figuring life out alone

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Comments

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FrogQueen69420 t1_ir1ap4p wrote

I’ll also add that bullying is a bitch and toxic environments can burn even the brightest stars out

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TreatThompson OP t1_ir1ccmu wrote

That’s definitely true

That reminds me of an illustration called “The Thinker of Tender Thoughts”

If you give it a google search I’m sure you’ll think so too!

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ddd615 t1_ir1epkg wrote

I think a big part of it is abuse in one form or another. Many of us have been told from a young age that we are not good enough. I think a big part of staying motivated and mentally healthy is having a supportive or at least healthy work/family/and social environment.

Some get stuck in a cycle of always having to "pull them selves up by the boot straps"... but it's for life. If our childhood families don't demonstrate healthy socialization, if we become a favorite person for ridicule in young social settings... overcoming that and building healthy relationships can be very difficult later in life. So some of these people are more isolated and having to go through life mostly alone while also dealing with the additional burdens of not being able to laugh off bullies or say no when we really should.

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TreatThompson OP t1_ir1fssl wrote

I think you make an extremely important point

A lot of hardship early on can beat down on our confidence too hard and so we never feel comfortable enough with the vulnerability that comes with expressing yourself

Thanks for that

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JesseJames41 t1_ir284vs wrote

A lot of times, "the world" encourages young people to "be themselves" and then when they try to be themselves, the world says, "no, not like that."

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TreatThompson OP t1_ir2buju wrote

Damn that’s so true

Have definitely witnessed that first hand going through university

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Lorion97 t1_ir1jn19 wrote

Try being a black sheep dressed in white sheep wool trying to not be fed to the meat grinder.

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TreatThompson OP t1_ir137s7 wrote

This is also a great quote on the topic:

“All of our lives are too unique to copy the path of someone else. To bring meaning into your life, to bring value into your life, you need to learn and master yourself.”—Master Shi Heng Yi

Not understanding (mastering) yourself could be another reason why so many can’t be themselves—they just don’t know what/who that is.

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YouAreMarvellous t1_ir4l16q wrote

I had a time where I was myself all the time which turned into a form of narcissism. Hurt people I didnt want to even though I was a good guy in my own words and actions. Didnt really understand people anymore. Didnt respect them either even if I said so. I'm not saying that you should always listen to others opinions, but its healthy to check how others react to your behaviour once in a while.

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nursedre331 t1_ir5xlzi wrote

It's a eye-opening, life-altering topic. I see it as wearing a mask. We are fake to strangers all day, then come home and let our true selves out in a terrible way to the ones we love. Weird, huh? This has been a long journey for me. But I think it's something we all struggle with because it is part of a theory called Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. It's a pyramid of basic human needs, or what all humans need to survive. This topic nearly spans all sections, and goes high in the chart. We need to feel like we are "normal" or fit in. We want a good reputation to be able to fit in and have ppl like us and have a lot of friends or following. (Especially as "like-culture" grows). Even in self-actualization- we want to have good morals as according to other people's morals. My favorite quote is "When you give yourself permission to be yourself, you allow others to be themselves". unknown.

Basic Safety Social Esteem Self-Actualization
food order affection dignity transcendence
water predictability love achievements empathy
air security belonging self-esteem morality
shelter protection fit in clout/rep. unity
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