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xxmimii t1_irzf142 wrote

Ofcourse, this is beautiful.

I would like to add: please refrain from telling your inner child that they have 'no reason to be afraid'. Especially for people who carry trauma, this is not true. Your inner child has had many reasons to feel afraid, and they matter, especially as you are going through a healing process.

Rather ask your inner child why they're afraid, tell them it's okay, that you understand, and then promise that adult you can handle this, and you'll handle it while holding hands.

Don't deny your inner child the emotional recognition it never got in your childhood, traumatic or otherwise.

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Pea666 t1_is08q95 wrote

Care for your inner child like you would for a child in the real world. Acknowledge their feelings and their fear and help them overcome it. Never invalidate anyone’s feelings.

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jabels t1_is1tyra wrote

I don’t think Thich Nhat Hanh was trying to invalidate anything, just for the record. I thin he grew up in a culture where it is normal to just be more blunt about these things. Obviously take the care to use the appropriate level of tact but also I think people can use modern concepts like “I don’t want to invalidate X” to hide behind not doing the work to solve X problem, which is actually the worse of two evils.

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xxmimii t1_is2iahm wrote

I simply pointed out that in my opinion it is unwise to invalidate oneself with said wording, and provided a possible alternative for those interested.

I never spoke about Thich Nhat Hanh or his intent, so I don't really understand what your interpretation of the influence his culture might have had on his wording, tries to explain here. Anyone can use any modern concept to fit their own narrative and perspective in order to avoid constructive self reflection.

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alterom t1_is28rty wrote

> I don’t think Thich Nhat Hanh was trying to invalidate anything

He wasn't trying, but he did.

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alterom t1_is2c0l5 wrote

>Care for your inner child like you would for a child in the real world. Acknowledge their feelings and their fear and help them overcome it. Never invalidate anyone’s feelings.

This!. I feel like the quote falls short here. I wish they said something along these lines instead.

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thaddeus423 t1_is09wwp wrote

It’s really quite a lovely way to think of oneself, isn’t it?

What a concept. I’m flabbergasted.

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Plausibl3 t1_is0fzfs wrote

This speaks to me. Would you have any recommended readings in this area of thought?

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xxmimii t1_is0kbbm wrote

Unfortunately not, I just happen to have been raised by someone who believes in this concept, and with a diagnosis of DID I have to be rather vigilant in how I talk to and treat my inner children, so to me it's a very specific coping mechanism.

I've tried googling something useful, but from what I've found just now it's either through specific a spiritual lens or geared towards psychology and integration of a personality.

For the first lens I can't recommend anything, that is truly up to you if something from that side interests you, I wouldn't know which take from the spiritual side would resonate with you.

If you're interested in the scientific psychological explanation of how DID functions (and thus give rise to an actual, separate inner child), I would recommend Ctad Clinic on Youtube. They have a lot of very interesting explanations on how the human brain deconstructs a personality when it is formed under traumatic circumstances in order to protect itsself. I unfortunately have no reading options on that front at the moment. Should I find some specifically geared towards inner children and how to communicate with them I'll reply to your comment again if you like.

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xxmimii t1_is0kvvc wrote

Oh you might try googling 'mindfulness inner child', there's too much for me to go through to say "oh this one nails it", but I do think that's a better middle ground for an introduction to the concept of an inner child :)

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rako1982 t1_is12vsg wrote

Thank you for your comment. If anyone else doesn't like these type of quotes because they feel reductive and don't feel true then check out r/cptsd because you may well have that.

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alterom t1_is29hrq wrote

>#Don't deny your inner child the emotional recognition it never got in your childhood, traumatic or otherwise.

This! The quote is invalidating and painful to many people who have gone through trauma. Here's what I would say:

It would have been more soothing if it didn't try to soothe with "no reason to be afraid" (what if there is?), and to further justify it with "we have strong hands and feet now" (what if we don't, figuratively speaking? And what if being strong doesn't help?)

I would have no issue if it said something along these lines:

>"Dear inner child. I understand that you are afraid. And you know what, the thing you are afraid of is scary - it really is! We are still dealing with it today, even as a big, strong adult. No wonder you struggled so much back then!

>But you know what, the fight is different now. We have learned. We have more tools now. And while we still get afraid every now and then - it's OK! - we do not let that fear consume us and define us.

>Not because we have grown stronger - trauma doesn't bring strength. But because we have grown. There's more to us than just the wounded part.

>We are a tree that grew from a stump - so intricate that nobody sees that we were broken once until they get real close. Where the branches were cut, the sap still drips. And yet, we stand tall, a tree of a million leaves.

Here, take this. And be kind to yourself, y'all.

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vaguelyMatt t1_irzr4v4 wrote

There is no reason to be afraid is usually true though.

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xxmimii t1_irzruau wrote

Not to my knowledge and experience. You don't get feelings 'for no reason', fear included. Feelings are simply your brain picking up on things (mostly unconsciously) and giving you a feeling which might make you handle/react optimally to the given situation. You might not think the reason is worth getting afraid over, but your brain has reasons for giving you feelings. Imo it's better to know why the feeling is there and reassure yourself, instead of dismissing it. I don't think dismissing feelings helps, no matter if you disagree with when you're feeling them. You can park them to examine at a later point, you can reason with them as they arise, but saying 'there is no reason' is just a more polite version of telling yourself 'stop being dumb'.

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Saborwing t1_is0oujd wrote

In addition to what u/xxmimii said, anxiety is not always reasonable, but that doesn't mean it isn't real or valid. Whether you have a "real reason" to be afraid (or not) is irrelevant, because the fear is there. If you suppress or invalidate an emotion it can fester, and remains unaddressed. Better to acknowledge it, allow yourself to feel what you're feeling, and then try to move forward using whatever coping mechanisms you have developed.

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alterom t1_is2ctzp wrote

>You can park them to examine at a later point, you can reason with them as they arise, but saying 'there is no reason' is just a more polite version of telling yourself 'stop being dumb'.

This is how the original quote feels like. Here is an improved version.

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