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phayke2 t1_isicfry wrote

Reply to comment by enduring_student in [Image] Stop Shrinking to fit places you've Outgrown by itsdandyhere

Yeah I guess I just need to blend in with people who I previously felt nothing in common with like some alien while they had healthy lives support and self esteem the past 20 years and I was wasting away turning cynical. Find a way to like the people who always seemed irritating before and have less dark sense of humor, cause apparently it's the hardest thing to find well adjusted friends who know both sides and are working on themselves. Either I'm in a depressed bubble or healthy people are too busy or find me weird or judge the shit out of me.

And yeah a lot of was depression but a lot of it is the long term effects, my ecosystem and my wiring from all those years. I don't know what to do with happiness or energy or know anyone who really gives much of a fuck now that I have the ingredients to live a better life I just feel alienated on both sides rather than one.

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enduring_student t1_isikl9m wrote

You know, I think your idea of feeling like an alien, and having a hard time finding the right kinds of people, is interesting. Yeah, feeling alienated is normal when your life is changing. You simply haven't gotten to try out the new options available to you. And it's ok, because if it where easy you'd've already done it.

Maybe try something low-key to find other people to connect with. Maybe a hobby or two, or get into a fandom of a tv show or movie you like, and chatting online for a few weeks just to get the feel of your new normal with people, then chatting IRL. I know how hard it is to deliberately try to make friends and the let-down if it doesn't work is awful, so if you just aim to share interests you can get two birds with one stone: having a hobby to motivate you and put your new energy into, and getting used to interacting with non-depressed people. Maybe friends will happen too.

And at the very least, you are having a chat with a non-depressed person right now. I used to be depressed. I know that other side. I highly recommend the happier, more energy, give a fuck side.

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thaddeus423 t1_isj0hv5 wrote

There’s a certain safety and comfort in misery and unhappiness. You don’t really have anything to lose other than this low, so you don’t risk anything because why would you?

Happiness is a risk you have to take every day, since there’s a chance it doesn’t work out, whatever the occasion.

But humanity is here to connect and share and community, which is why we find these experiences so fulfilling.

So, I know it’s terrifying and alienating, but it’s hard work and a bit of a risk and a lot of fear of the unknown to try and be happy every day.

I can assure you it is most definitely worth it. You won’t ever grow if you don’t step out of your comfort zone.

You’re doing well, friend. Knowing is half the battle. Being aware of your mind and how it works and responds is how you learn more going forward.

I really do think you’ve got this. Keep putting in the work.

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