I've been there, so I won't throw useless truisms at you cause I know they don't help. The only thing I've really found from years of slogging through this is that, no one really has the answers. You just have to keep going, and going, and going. Even when the light in your life is the smallest shimmer from a tiny, dying diode, just...hold on.

Eventually you may find some of the answers, and them more after that. And then more, and looking back, you might realize that, even though things are dark, there's a lot more lights, so much that you can almost imagine what it's like in the daytime.

Also, getmotivated is mostly just trite advice. People who made it don't actually have any more say on what it takes, more often than not they're lucky or misidentify why they were successful. Start with something like Therapy if you can.

I wish I had your answers. Just keep going. Even if going is just living another day.