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SnooAvocados2102 t1_iudjqeb wrote

i get stuck comparing myself to others. i am only 23 but feel like i should have accomplished so much by now . if anyone has any advice i am happy to hear

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variousshits t1_iudmflj wrote

Not sure if it’ll help or whether it’s useful but avoid social media like Instagram or Facebook to gauge where you should be at your age. Been struggling with that for the past 5-10 years and only now am I slowly figuring out my own worth. All of us mature or get places at different times.

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Starshapedsand t1_iuds8jp wrote

This here.

Nobody posts their bad times to social media.

Many of the people you see doing well now won’t continue. Many who are doing poorly will recover. For instance, the guy who terrified me most as a teen—violent, on drugs—is now a nurse. I’ve put my life in his hands in recent years, and I’d do it again tomorrow.

23 is also very young. Think of yourself as fine wine that gains complexity and flavor with age.

It additionally helps me to consider the concept of worth as inherently false. We all suffer. The effects of our actions won’t be seen for generations, if they’re even remembered. All that we can do is whatever we can, in the here and now.

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SnooAvocados2102 t1_iudsj6c wrote

thank you for your kind words you are right. hopefully i can live out of my life with such wisdom instead of helplessness and self pity. probably the reason why i’m not getting opportunities in the first place

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Starshapedsand t1_iudtqtu wrote

Come on over to r/Stoicism. It’s the philosophy I’ve found most helpful for that, while life keeps clobbering me (post history elaborates).

It also helped me to realize that pity for myself was pointless. Burns energy, accomplishes nothing. Same for beating myself up. Rewards for good behavior—I’ll take a walk for an ice cream cone if I can get this paper finished before the shop closes—helped more.

Feel free to DM (not chat) anytime.

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[deleted] t1_iueqcgb wrote

[deleted]

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Starshapedsand t1_iuey2nr wrote

Well, put it to work! You’re being sucked down by something outside of your control. Where she is today isn’t your concern. Where you are tomorrow is. You know all of this.

(If it helps, I recently went through my own divorce from absolute hell.)

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Aeon199 t1_iugq1dv wrote

But what if you're a truly wayward and lost soul, though, who ain't young. He became like a "zombie" nearly, for over a decade. What I mean is, someone naive and avoidant already, and then they even got worse--they doubled-down on the avoidance. They weren't 'working hard' to get out of it, either. They were even allowed to be this way. Sure, eventually they developed their hobby and it became their passion. But still they're not doing much with it, and they're not integrated in society.

Highly maladaptive. So he's not a case where you can say "still young" actually he's older and at the point, developmentally, like someone much younger than him. Is it a lost cause?

Some "explanations" of it, he does have autism and ADD, he ended up with addiction, and kinda self-assessed as a lost cause at one point. He kinda beats himself up over being a dead-weight, which keeps him (like a cycle) from making any real improvement.

A lot of folks here are all "damn I had to work super-hard" this or that, this guy would be ashamed to write anything about himself here. He hates himself already for what he has become, he don't need more judgment even if it's justifiable...

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SnooAvocados2102 t1_iuh4sj1 wrote

reading this is scary because i cannot say you are wrong. i struggle with extreme anxiety and ADD, can definitely be considered maladaptive. i also feel sometimes like a lost soul and struggle to fit in with society. i did end up with addiction to weed although i have been a month free from smoking. i don’t wanna be a lost cause. i’m tired of feeling this way.

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Starshapedsand t1_iuhonh2 wrote

If you’re both reading this, you’re still young. Reading this means you’re alive. Living is the chance to change things. You’re not too old until you’re already dead: turning around on deathbeds even happens.

Self-assessing as a lost cause makes it real. So assess otherwise, especially as it’s truly the case that your perspective is far too limited to know.

Again, I’ve seen people, including hardcore convicted criminals, turn it around. (Not exaggerating.) Even if you’ve done terrible things, you can still become a good person. When your issue is that you haven’t done enough things… you’re actually ahead of the curve.

Self-hatred: another pointless energy burn. The reason against doing it isn’t that you don’t deserve it. It’s that it’s completely pointless. Hating yourself until after the heat death of the universe only fossilizes yourself in the present, at best.

Society? There’s always corners to eventually find to fit, if you want to fit, and there are also ways out, if you want out. First, decide which you’d rather choose.

Tired of feeling this way: good. Time to stop.

Time to get moving. Time to persevere.

Like going to the gym, it’s a muscle. It’s going to hurt to move forward at first, badly. But it gets easier as you keep getting up.

Frigid showers also really help cut off emotional overflows, and give greater focus, stability, and energy within a day. If you learn one thing to help, this is it.

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Kobold_Archmage t1_iue8y0n wrote

100% delete your social media accounts. There is nothing meaningful or positive to gain from them.

Next, figure out what your core values are, align your goals with those values, start moving forward.

Do those things and you’ll already be way the fuck ahead of everyone who’s going to blow up their lives then have a midlife crisis because they wasted their youth chasing things they didn’t realize they didn’t want.

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SnooAvocados2102 t1_iuepcgy wrote

i work as a DJ and music producer so I basically need social media to maintain an image/reputation/connections. i also just feel addicted. really wish i could delete. any advice there ? i appreciate your response

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Kobold_Archmage t1_iuf9llc wrote

Let someone else run your social media and just delete the apps. In a week I felt so free from the constant notifications about bullshit. It was like poison I intentionally let them give me over and over. The algorithms exist to make you engage, good or bad

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Likeable_Employee t1_iudre87 wrote

It's OK. You are starting out. I was pressuring myself at my 1st job. My older coworkers told me I was so so young and there's more to come. He was right. I hope the same for you. ❤️

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SnooAvocados2102 t1_iuds8ev wrote

thank you its just that as an artist i see other artists my age even friends of mine accomplishing amazing things working on big time projects. i know its not the right perspective to have but i cant help but feel hopeless sometimes

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TydallWave t1_iue3k8v wrote

Hey man, I'm 23 too and I'm kinda resonating with your words. I'm in a totally different field (sciences) and I saw my friends graduating years before I did myself while I was struggling with depression and health issues, failing year after year.

I never could really shoo away the idea of being "behind" but frequently putting it all back into perspective helps. Now that I'm back on track I slowly realize that once I'll have graduated myself all this delay will amount to nothing over time. I'll get to write my own thesis and finally do true research not unlike my friends do right now, it'll come in time. You'll get to work on big time projects yourself and when you do you'll realize too that it doesn't matter how late it is in your life, what does matter is that you finally do.

I had the chance to meet people who had similar paths to mine and still were in freshman years in their 20s, and it helps a lot to share and dissipate the illusion that you're alone : in fact many more people out there share your feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness than you think. Before then I tended to work my ass off alone because everyone around me seemed younger, I just didn't take the time to look around and see the couple peeps that were in the same boat as mine. But with company it gets way easier to deal with inadequacy. Do you take part in IRL or virtual artist circles? Maybe you could find people like you with whom to make progress together without that little spark of shame you might feel with people generally younger than you who share your skill level.

I'm rooting for you to reach your goals no matter how "out of place" the world might make you feel. Keep going and you'll get there, what matters is that it happens, not when it happens. Godspeed 🤞

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SnooAvocados2102 t1_iuepskb wrote

thank you so much stranger i am about to cry lol. it has been a very emotional 2 last months for me. i know i am capable of working in big time projects as well i just have to keep striving to get that opportunity. thank you so much. God bless you and wish you all the best in your goals as well.

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Likeable_Employee t1_iuduopl wrote

It's totally OK to feel that way. But know that it's not a reflection of you or your worth. And hope you keep enjoy making arts 🎨

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Smarterthanlastweek t1_iugvm7e wrote

> i get stuck comparing myself to others. i am only 23 but feel like i should have accomplished so much by now . if anyone has any advice i am happy to hear

Everyone compares themselves to others. Compare yourself to people who are doing better than you (who've often had help getting to where they are that you haven't had) and you'll feel deficient. Compare yourself to someone worse off than you and you'll feel better about yourself and grateful for what you have.

Compare yourself to a homeless drug addict, or someone with cancer, and you'll realize you and your life doing pretty good.

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SnooAvocados2102 t1_iuh43av wrote

thank you, you are totally right. especially in the part where they have had help that i haven’t had. plus you are right i lead a great life with amazing friends, family and opportunities. the common person would probably love to have my life. so thank you 💜

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swpr2605 t1_iuh7o5s wrote

Bro, there is a theory saying :"what you got right now is the best you can have". So, there's NO alternative universe where you could have been better. Just enjoy this universe, love it the most. What matters is that you can breath - that means you are alive.

That's the best you can have.

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SnooAvocados2102 t1_iuhah66 wrote

thank you my friend for the perspective. today i am feeling a lot better 💜💜 God bless you

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