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Starshapedsand t1_iudtqtu wrote

Reply to comment by SnooAvocados2102 in [Image] For whoever needed this reminder: you’ll get to where you want to be. by conversingwithoceans

Come on over to r/Stoicism. It’s the philosophy I’ve found most helpful for that, while life keeps clobbering me (post history elaborates).

It also helped me to realize that pity for myself was pointless. Burns energy, accomplishes nothing. Same for beating myself up. Rewards for good behavior—I’ll take a walk for an ice cream cone if I can get this paper finished before the shop closes—helped more.

Feel free to DM (not chat) anytime.

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[deleted] t1_iueqcgb wrote

[deleted]

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Starshapedsand t1_iuey2nr wrote

Well, put it to work! You’re being sucked down by something outside of your control. Where she is today isn’t your concern. Where you are tomorrow is. You know all of this.

(If it helps, I recently went through my own divorce from absolute hell.)

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Aeon199 t1_iugq1dv wrote

But what if you're a truly wayward and lost soul, though, who ain't young. He became like a "zombie" nearly, for over a decade. What I mean is, someone naive and avoidant already, and then they even got worse--they doubled-down on the avoidance. They weren't 'working hard' to get out of it, either. They were even allowed to be this way. Sure, eventually they developed their hobby and it became their passion. But still they're not doing much with it, and they're not integrated in society.

Highly maladaptive. So he's not a case where you can say "still young" actually he's older and at the point, developmentally, like someone much younger than him. Is it a lost cause?

Some "explanations" of it, he does have autism and ADD, he ended up with addiction, and kinda self-assessed as a lost cause at one point. He kinda beats himself up over being a dead-weight, which keeps him (like a cycle) from making any real improvement.

A lot of folks here are all "damn I had to work super-hard" this or that, this guy would be ashamed to write anything about himself here. He hates himself already for what he has become, he don't need more judgment even if it's justifiable...

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SnooAvocados2102 t1_iuh4sj1 wrote

reading this is scary because i cannot say you are wrong. i struggle with extreme anxiety and ADD, can definitely be considered maladaptive. i also feel sometimes like a lost soul and struggle to fit in with society. i did end up with addiction to weed although i have been a month free from smoking. i don’t wanna be a lost cause. i’m tired of feeling this way.

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Starshapedsand t1_iuhonh2 wrote

If you’re both reading this, you’re still young. Reading this means you’re alive. Living is the chance to change things. You’re not too old until you’re already dead: turning around on deathbeds even happens.

Self-assessing as a lost cause makes it real. So assess otherwise, especially as it’s truly the case that your perspective is far too limited to know.

Again, I’ve seen people, including hardcore convicted criminals, turn it around. (Not exaggerating.) Even if you’ve done terrible things, you can still become a good person. When your issue is that you haven’t done enough things… you’re actually ahead of the curve.

Self-hatred: another pointless energy burn. The reason against doing it isn’t that you don’t deserve it. It’s that it’s completely pointless. Hating yourself until after the heat death of the universe only fossilizes yourself in the present, at best.

Society? There’s always corners to eventually find to fit, if you want to fit, and there are also ways out, if you want out. First, decide which you’d rather choose.

Tired of feeling this way: good. Time to stop.

Time to get moving. Time to persevere.

Like going to the gym, it’s a muscle. It’s going to hurt to move forward at first, badly. But it gets easier as you keep getting up.

Frigid showers also really help cut off emotional overflows, and give greater focus, stability, and energy within a day. If you learn one thing to help, this is it.

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