[Discussion] Objectively speaking, I think I am just a failure and a waste of oxygen

Submitted by StupidAustralianMan t3_z2np83 in GetMotivated

Tldr: I worked 10 years for a career goal through a lot of hardships and just feel that my decade of effort has ended because of one exam.

Hi everyone,

Throwaway account as some of my friends and family follow my actual one.

Since I was a child, I always looked up towards space and the stars as a symbol of hope in a turbulent childhood where I was bullied and once sexually abused by a couple of my older peers when I was about 9 years old. As such, I spent my life since then trying to work towards going into the space industry.

In high school, I entered my high school's rocket and drone teams and I won a competition in those teams. Somewhere in the house there's a newspaper clipping of me winning this drone competition. I graduated in the top 8% of Australian high school graduates in 2017, motivated by my desire to reach space. In addition to my academic achievements, I also had a large number of friends and a girlfriend that cared about me. I got accepted to an electrical engineering degree as a result of my efforts.

In first year university in 2018, I had a falling out with my friends and my partner (which was my fault) and as such I lost sight of my dream for space. For that year, I dabbled in far right politics before I left due to my self disgust. I also almost got kicked out because of poor academic performance in the following year.

Late 2019, I rediscovered my passion for space after meeting a former astronaut who gave me some words of encouragement. I turned my grades around and made some new friends through my university’s rocketry and astronomy clubs. During the pandemic, I made a startup idea which I sold to a large energy utility for cash, mentoring, and a paid internship which lasted until mid this year.

Middle of this year, I was offered a role developing space systems for the Australian government. I was ecstatic, seeing that all my efforts were starting to generate results. However, as it happened I am pretty much on the edge of losing this offer because of failing the exam to one of my courses which turned out to be harder than I expected from the coursework and mid-semester tests (the offer requires all courses to be passed before I can start and Australian universities have exam hurdles where exams need to be passed for the overall course to be passed). To make matters worse, my GPA will be too low to apply for alternative engineering or management roles.

The only viable way I can see myself going into the space industry is by going into the technician route for a few years then reapplying to engineering roles and hope my GPA gets overlooked. If there's one thing that is looking up for me in this nightmare, it's that I am good at building things from my experience in my university rocket team.

I feel that everything I have done has been in vain and that suicide is the answer. I worked 10 years through significant hardships and I have nothing to show for it. I am just simply a massive waste of oxygen. This isn't the way I wanted my story to end but I guess this is it, I can't see any way forward. The sooner I finally kick the bucket, the sooner I will make way for the next generation of engineers to actually do what I failed to do.

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jeremy-o t1_ixh6w49 wrote

"On the edge of losing the offer" is not losing the offer. The position you're in is not one of failure but catastrophic thinking; besides, even a setback like the one you've described can be surmounted.

Part of growing up is learning how to right the ship when thing go off course. Don't feel like you have to throw it all away. People do care about you, and want to see you succeed. You will succeed, if you're resilient: even if success ultimately looks different to how you imagined it.

Please talk to someone - your university can help, or a GP. There's also lifeline - 131114

All the best. I'm an Australian teacher, if I can help at all DM me.

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rednulper t1_ixhaq44 wrote

Uhhh taking your self out the game is never the answer. Everyday you wake up, you get a redo on life.

Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.

You got this. Let's get it.

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bdavid_escrito t1_ixhc95g wrote

As hard as it might be right now, try and see this setback in the bigger picture. Every dream worth working towards is going to come with MANY hurdles and a non linear path to get there - that’s part of what makes them worth working towards.

Just in the paragraphs you’ve written here, you have clearly overcome enormous challenges in the past and look where you are now. You’ve come this far in a challenging engineering degree, you came up with a startup idea and you’ve been offered an internship opportunity.

It’s far from over now, you’ve just found yourself at another crossroads where you get to decide how to proceed. Talk to your professors, work with your peers to turn things around. Even if you lose the internship, your dream is far from over!

The bottom line: You aren’t a waste of oxygen, you’re resilient and you’ve been knocked down once again. Try and give yourself some grace, please talk to someone if you’re feeling suicidal, and know that there’s one more internet stranger out there who believes you are capable of the extraordinary.

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-macrozamia t1_ixhb0vl wrote

This world is so much bigger than you think. You will eventually find or even create the work that fits you best, where you can contribute and feel fulfilled. There is room for you.

Life is full of these ups and downs. Everyone experiences them; sometimes these phases go smoother than your own and sometimes they're a lot, lot worse. As a previous poster mentioned, part of growing up is understanding that we will inevitably move through these phases, over and over again, and if we keep pushing through until things swing up again - which they always do, over and over again - then sooner or later we will be okay.

It sounds like you have a lot to offer. Not everyone is so passionate as you about something. It's a special quality. I say keep moving forward and keep developing it. One day you'll look back on this time and feel so grateful you saw it through.

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WeBNice t1_ixhko31 wrote

Please know that you are valuable and that one setback doesn't need to be catastrophic for you. Your single mindedness has served you in pursuing your goal, but remember that there are many other ways to reach your dreams. You have conquered so many challenges already. If you can look beyond how u feel right now, u may be able to see other great things in your future. Just because things haven't turned out how u thought they would, it's not the end of the world . So many other life adventures await you, If you just give yourself the time to see new possibilities to achieve your dream and/or incorporate some other dreams. You are important. Please be kind to yourself. I hope that you heal from feeling this way, so you can move on a prosper.

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redrunrerun t1_iybjlqz wrote

you’ll be a damn great engineer someday despite this dark time. school is a shitty metric for how good a person is at something, standardized tests blow and are generally outdated metrics for skill or talent in an area. but fuck let this discomfort fuel you and not ruin you. get comfortable with discomfort. believe me when i say everyone is learning as they go and are making mistakes along the way and struggling right along with you.

you sound frustrated and terrified by the prospect of failing and losing this job offer. you also sound incredibly PASSIONATE or else you wouldn’t have this reaction to a midterm grade. and my guess is you’re probably damn good at engineering based on the job offer too. most people don’t even find a passion in their lifetime, but you. you have the equivalent of a compass in your hand. but now you need access to the directing arrow: you need education resources to get through this semester to get you to this job. bring this up to your preferred engineering administrator (reach out to them if you’re unsure of who is their point person) who can listen to your concerns and connect you with the proper resources. from there you should connect with the teacher from the class in question directly to set up a meeting between you, the admin and the professor to discuss your concerns so the professor can let you know your weak areas to address by the final.

i used to go to columbia and i know a good portion of people who were failing multiple classes during the semester and picked it up at the latter portion of the semester to pass. PLEASE READ THIS PART IF NOTHING ELSE: but even if you don’t end up passing, i promise you -- future employers look at progress and process and love a good “what i learned” story, so if you need the class credits and have to try again, you will be that much more prepared for it and you’ll look back with pride when you get through it. use this as your “come up” story motivation. 50 years from now you’ll be proud you pushed through this dark time of your life regardless.

please know you’re not alone, even if it feels like there’s no escaping your thoughts. your school's talk counselor will be in your corner and sessions are 99% confidential (1% they would intervene only if you were actively attempting to endanger others or yourself, but sharing suicidal thoughts is totally normal and ok!!!). plus, it's free!

you’ve punished yourself enough. now work on growing from this!

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FindTheWayThru t1_ixh8dba wrote

I can't get past "dabbled in far right politics." 🤮

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StupidAustralianMan OP t1_ixh99zx wrote

yeah I accept responsibility for that. I am a waste of oxygen and the sooner I commit unalive, the happier everyone will be

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OKR123 t1_ixhcmus wrote

That won't make anyone happier. It never does. The fact that someone who has dabbled in the far right now sees it as misguided makes me happier. Your life can have a positive meaning if you want it to, that meaning is your choice to make.

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theimperfectionists t1_ixhdm4p wrote

You are a waste of oxygen?? Man you haven't seen people who really are a waste of oxygen. Man atleast you had a purpose for 10 years. And only because you had enough guts to go through that path you are here. What if you choose another path, a path you didn't actually like. You will be far more disappointed. Nothing is easy and sometimes we don't get what we wish. So what? No one will be there for you and for the people who love or depend on you, only you. And if you look enough there are people who has worse situation than yours. Do they think they are a waste of oxygen? No. They seek and try to find the next step. And make it work. Your job your passions is not only the things that defines you. And did you really waste 10 years? You choose it and you like it. And no one can really predict what happens after 10 years before it happens.

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0ver_engineered t1_ixkney6 wrote

Never a good idea to be on either end of politics, the extremes are fucked, eitherway not a reason to suicide and no one will be happier, the ones you know will be hurt and the rest it probably won't mean anything to them anyway, stop sabotaging yourself

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