[Discussion] I occasionally struggle with jealousy and envy. What can I do about it?

Submitted by Berabouman t3_z7ecb2 in GetMotivated

I grew up poor and from an abusive family background, so I was denied a lot of advantages in life. My therapist has said that it's a miracle I am still alive. While that is probably true, I still am alive and still desire happiness.

I am not eaten alive by it the same way I used to be 5 or 20 years ago, but it gets to me in bad times (like now) I was raised to believe (and still do believe to some degree) that the world is just and fair. But obviously it is not truly that way, as people are born without limbs, sick, to rich families, that have friends etc...I have seen a lot, some things are just chance.

Though I am also a spiritual person, certain religions do not offer me the answers I am seeking, or are overly simplistic in their explanations.

I firmly believe that all humans deserve to be happy, and I would like to continue in that way.

21

Comments

You must log in or register to comment.

cityfireguy t1_iy6a9cz wrote

It's good of you to ask and be aware. Know that already you've accomplished a lot.

Maybe for you it's different, but for me jealousy always went hand in hand with ego. Worried someone was better, upset that they had more than me, concerned my girl might leave me for someone she wanted more.

But here's the deal. There's always someone better. There will always be someone with more. I'm just a regular guy, not the world's best anything.

And that's great. You know the stress attached to being the best at anything? It's a lot. Let them have it. I'm the best at one thing, being me. That's all I can do.

But what if a woman I love leaves me for another man?!? They have, couple of them now. Guess what? It sucked at the time, but now I'm thankful. I don't want anyone in my life who'd rather be with someone else.

I think that's self esteem, I don't know, weird feeling. But it makes the jealousy wash away. I have nothing to be jealous of. I have me, I kinda really like me. And I hope that the people I choose to let into my life feel the same. Even if I'm not the best.

Hope that makes sense. Good luck to you.

16

Berabouman OP t1_iybz0kl wrote

I do love myself. But yet I want happiness. Is that so wrong?

1

her0inSheik t1_iy69x0b wrote

Being raised to believe that the world is just and fair is just about the worst possible advice you can ever be given.

9

Berabouman OP t1_iybyw8c wrote

Well I was sexually abused by my mom, so...

1

amazingtribe t1_iy65gdl wrote

Jealousy and envy are certainly perceived as negative emotions and can truly put a damper on our harmonious existence.

Have you tried meditation or any form of breath work practice? Yoga or something like this? Do you pray? All of these things help me when I am struggling with those negative emotions.

What is your social life like? Do you have a good support system of friends in your life that motivate and inspire you? This has also been a huge help in my life.

Wishing you well!

6

Berabouman OP t1_iybyw8f wrote

My support system has disintegrated so I am posting here, if not I would talk to friends.

1

rendered_lurker t1_iy6ew06 wrote

The world has never been just or fair and it never will be. Good people get screwed over every second and evil people make millions every second by screwing them over.

4

exfxgx t1_iy6wtid wrote

For me personally I struggle with being envious of how other guys are in a happy marriage and how wonderful their wives treat them. I have legit reasons why I feel this way and none of my guy friends understand how I feel. I don't have any real advice on how I am getting past this but all I know is that jealously is a normal human emotion which kinda makes hurt less. Doesn't help my marriage but it does validate what I am feeling.

3

bllover123 t1_iy724ov wrote

Your attachment to your belief is what is causing you so much suffering. The world doesn't operate in black and white. It can be just and fair, just as it can be unjust and unfair. There are no absolutes.

My suggestion is to work on your mindset. It's easy to look outward to see how others are doing for validation, but as the saying goes, comparison is the thief of joy. Once you are able to be present and content with your own journey and learn to be happy for others, no matter how wildly things can change externally, it won't be able to move you internally.

3

beluih13 t1_iy6b7zn wrote

I struggled with those feelings too until I found this video Contrapoints| Envy. Her discussion gave me a new perspective on these emotions and really helped me deal with them. She made me accept the fact that jealousy and envy are part of being human, and these feelings are justified. Give it a watch. It's really worth your time.

1

Berabouman OP t1_iybz7rm wrote

It's too long. I skimmed it.

1

Berabouman OP t1_iybzbou wrote

I can't really relate to anything in it. It's a kind of mishmash of philosophy and pop culture.

1

we_invented_post-its t1_iy838q6 wrote

You assume people with missing limbs aren’t happy though. I know a guy with no legs who loves life.

Spirituality helps forge gratitude into the mindset.

1

Berabouman OP t1_iybyytw wrote

I cannot get behind gratitude. Have been doing gratitude exercises for years without any effect.

1

TheGameNavigator t1_iy8411p wrote

Envy and jealousy both start existing in your mind when you compare yourseld to others.

So minding our own business and getting busy with is a great solution.

And just like any bad habit, it takes time to get out of your system, this thinking pattern is the same So whever you catch your thoughts in that direction, get busy shift your attentions to your personal obligations and goals. And you will start seeing improvement in a matter of days.

1

CollieSchnauzer t1_iy8q9iv wrote

Jealousy and envy are incredibly painful emotions.

Can you work on identifying the emotion as soon as it shows up? Then identify the thing you want. And take steps toward getting it.

If you work toward what you want, every day, you can cut the legs out from under jealousy.

1

WarlordFruitSmoothie t1_iy8qvx1 wrote

Remember that we all do. We are human at the end of the day. Understand that we don't know everyone's story until they tell us. We don't what people go through behind closed doors. We can see someone with good looks or a nice car or they can have a whole bunch of friends but secretly they can hate themselves or really just despise their lives as it. Learn to love people as human beings first. Forgive yourself and understand that you made through the tough times for a reason. I would recommend Yoga and music with positive messages. Be more in nature and perhaps do some volunteering. More importantly learn to love yourself a bit more. The world is blessed to have you in it. I'm happy that you are so self aware. Blessings.

1