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Berkamin t1_j04ombo wrote

It really matters what the trajectory of a person's life is. The guy on the left has a downward trajectory. The guy on the right may have an upward trajectory. If your life's trajectory is from good to bad, it is not a bad thing to grieve what was lost. Just don't forever stay in that state of grief.

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Suspicious_Recover t1_j050hnn wrote

I can relate to both. I'm no longer the young, adventurous, fun guy with lots of friends. Also, I'm no longer the dumb, dangerous, drunk known by everyone.

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Tayaradga t1_j07ubc6 wrote

I feel this comment so hard... Young me was adventurous and quirky, but also an idiot that didn't think before he acted....

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Lancaster61 t1_j05acqb wrote

I saw myself as the left, felt really bad, then decided to change up everything so that became the person on the right.

Original state: not moving up in a dead end job, living in a location I don’t like, around the types of people I don’t like being around (except a handful of good friends).

I was like fuck it. Quit my job, picked a brand new career field that I’ve always wanted to be a part of, and only looked for jobs in places I wanted to live.

While my immediate life hasn’t changed much, the trajectory is now a 180.

Don’t fucking settle guys. If you don’t like your situation, change your trajectory. Actual change will be slow, but just knowing the trajectory has changed is very motivating!

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Xercies_jday t1_j05m2c5 wrote

> Original state: not moving up in a dead end job, living in a location I don’t like, around the types of people I don’t like being around (except a handful of good friends).

Damn, were you me?!

What tips would you have to take the plunge? I won’t deny I feel like I want to do what you did but I come up with problems to not do it.

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Lancaster61 t1_j05thww wrote

I find that planning everything out first made it easier. I aligned my finances, looked at places I’d actually live in, and even applied for and got offered jobs. Just working at the logistics first.

At that point, knowing my ducks are aligned from a purely logical and feasible standpoint, it was easier to make that emotional jump because lining everything up removed a lot of the excuses. The whole thing took about a year to prepare.

Worst (or best) case you line everything up and then realize you don’t actually want to leave. Then maybe something you actually do enjoy is where you’re at and keeping you emotionally there. And then you just cancel all your plans if that’s the case.

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phantomdreamwalker t1_j05lvw4 wrote

If you don’t mind me asking which state did you move from and to?

I want to move states but I’m having tough time figuring out which one.

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Lancaster61 t1_j05ubho wrote

Yeah so I travelled a lot in my last job, so I had good ideas of what I like and don’t like in terms of location. I don’t think I can do you right by recommending any specific place as that’s purely preference.

But if you have the budget, maybe go visit the place you’re interested in for a couple weeks. But keep in mind touring a place is not the same as living at a place though. So keep in mind the small details. Details like commuting time, local culture, cost of living (utilities, food, internet), weather patterns, distance to gas stations, potholes, the taste of their tap water, etc. Like for me I also look for variety of things to do a location has to offer, as I like to try new things.

Those aren’t normally things you consider when you travel there for only a week or two. The little things are the stuff that adds up and affect you. Your list of things you care about may be completely different than mine too so those examples might not even be good examples.

BUT, there’s also diving head first too. If you don’t like the new place, the cool thing is you can always try another after saving up some budget again.

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mikeochondria t1_j05savh wrote

I think it does not matter so much what the trajectory of a person's life is, within reason. What about the present moment?

I think the message here is that at any moment you ultimately can adopt one primary attitude about life change.

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RodmansSecurity t1_j0689cg wrote

Trajectories can change through continual effort. They’re not immutable.

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Berkamin t1_j06bp7a wrote

Certainly. But I think part of changing one's trajectory is acknowledging loss (even if that loss is some quality or position or status or ability) and giving oneself permission to grieve. Then, once that grief has been expressed and has been relieved, it is possible to move on without the internal encumbrance of unresolved grief.

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RodmansSecurity t1_j06e02x wrote

You nailed it. Accepting what “is” and what “isn’t” at a given time can be very difficult. However, doing so gives one the agency to make substantive changes to their life.

For instance, I quit my supposed dream job and had an large, unproductive drinking problem. That was two years ago and I’ve been sober ever since, coincidentally finding more happiness personally and professionally than ever before. But it starts with being honest and putting the work in to change your life. It certainly is possible, and I encourage everyone to give it a try. Don’t shy away from failure. Failure highlights what you need to know in order to eventually complete whatever challenge you struggled with initially.

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