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aelfrictr t1_j05d79d wrote

man I was thinking about texting after this time. maybe i shouldn't. clearly we don't work well but i just have this urge to know if she is okay and healthy.

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eatMYcookieCRUMBS t1_j05mq3t wrote

Googled my ex. Together 8 years. She cheated. It's been 4 years. She is actually getting into movies as an actress. Made me want to tell her I'm happy for her. She wanted it her entire life. I still think I didn't need to do that. Didn't make me feel better.

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Sam2734 t1_j05sczg wrote

But why did you want to tell her you're happy for her? Are you actually happy for her and you wanted to let her know/congratulate her? Or was it selfishly motivated in some way, like to make yourself feel better or to "try and be the bigger person"?

If it was just to congratulate her, then it shouldn't matter if it made you feel better. It's a nice, selfless gesture. If it was selfishly motivated, then that's probably why it didn't make you feel better. Because you're still trying to "win" the breakup or "be the bigger person" years later. The only way to "win" is to move on and stop playing the game.

Either way, sorry to hear it. I'd be upset seeing someone who cheated on me succeed like that. Sorry man

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gonzohst93 t1_j06w1ua wrote

8 year relationship would have me wishing success upon the person whether they wronged me or cheated. I think through growth we can all get there but 8 years is a long time. My last relationship was 10 years and I broke things off from my end and still really wish her the best although there was no cheating or anything

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watchoutsucka t1_j05z0ik wrote

I agree with Sam down here, but I think it doesn't even have to get that far. What is a takeaway here? I think it is if you do anything further in a situation like this, the best outcome...and that is if everything goes right and the wind is at your back...the best outcome is that you don't fuck anything up.

I can say that with such certainty because I've done the same fucking thing. I'm not on a moral mountain looking down at you. I'm looking across at you. I contemplated a similar no win situation and writing about yours is strengthening my resolve.

How about we both run Scooby Doo style away from situations like this starting now.

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HellzJanitor t1_j07htg7 wrote

It all good man, don't let little crap like that stir up the insanity in life, it ant worth it, keep moving on with life and let the past seep down where it belongs.

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donotgogenlty t1_j07kllv wrote

I had bad breakup as well, I just stopped loving the person and felt wrong to 'just be together'. Also they would threaten to kill themselves and make me have to fortify my home with fences would be more difficult for them to sneak into my property... Long story.

Pain will always be there since I once loved this person. I think people who cheat pay a higher price tho, and they have to live with their mistakes.

I feel like everyone's life is a Lake. You can erode and explore the world through streams and grow, absorbing the environment into a homogenous liquid. Let things that slow your growth naturally sink to the lakebed where only a very rough storm can briefly disturb the lakebed sediment once settled, yet at the same time the larger and deeper your Lake becomes the less of an impact it has on the whole. 🙏

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[deleted] t1_j06zfea wrote

You need to love yourself enough to put up boundaries for people like that. No woman is worth being treated like an after thought.

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