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IronTooch t1_j0kh69u wrote

My favorite quote on this:

You can't change the people around you, but you can change the people around you.

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[deleted] t1_j0mr4p6 wrote

[deleted]

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IronTooch t1_j0mtcen wrote

Oh, for sure. Pithy phrases only get you so far. But in a broad, hand-wavy sense, I use this analysis:

"Does this person enrich my life, and do I enrich theirs?"

Enrichment could be alternative view points, or activities together, or being able to help someone who values the help. But even that basic test, earlier in my life, brought me to the startling realization that my social circle just WASN'T. I wasn't growing, and I was frequently uncomfortable with the status of my relationships, romantic or friendly. Finding people who made me better, and who (hopefully) I make better drastically changed my quality of life for the better. Most of my family didn't make the cut, and my life is SUBSTANTIALLY better without them. The family that is still around is valued that much more.

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isthishowweadult t1_j0jh1a3 wrote

I wish that has been true

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Throwaway2471127 t1_j0kbn3e wrote

I think its assuming you're looking out for numero uno in other ways other than just cutting people off.

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isthishowweadult t1_j0kypi6 wrote

Also quit drinking, got in therapy etc... Still all been bad

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pineappleshnapps t1_j0n8a7y wrote

Keep trying, and keep trying new things. It’s a long road, but if you stick with it, you’ll find people and things who make it better.

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blackout-loud t1_j0jxdr2 wrote

Me being the unnecessary npc in other people's lives: I feel personally attacked!

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VoxSig t1_j0kylmg wrote

Hitler tried this

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eLdErGoDsHaUnTmE2 t1_j0mx7d8 wrote

So ghosting, shunning, and cancelling are positive behaviors for self improvement?

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Norman__Osborn t1_j0jvj0w wrote

I don’t even unnecessary people in my life 💀

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TripedalCyclops t1_j0jw7s8 wrote

Oh coincidence has been too familiar this year smh

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Pawn_of_the_Void t1_j0k9z30 wrote

Free housing! Free food! Life sentence!

Wait no, I'm not so sure now...

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Hellfire242 t1_j0kd0ur wrote

So you’re telling me to “get rid of them” right? I’m hearing you correctly, yes? I better not get into trouble

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StrionicRandom t1_j0mrnud wrote

It's a bit more nuanced than that.

If we remove people before trying to meet them in the middle, sometimes you run into the problem of creating groups of social rejects. And we know historically that's always led to bad things; groups of people rejected for the same reason gaining socially extremist views, harming themselves or others, or living in isolation forever.

If we as a society start doing this, we're also going to have to try hard to pull others up, or nothing. We can't act like we're above the people we've been encouraged to reject as of late.

Our habit of pushing """unnecessary""" people away is a logical and ethical absurdity if we also say we want to create a society that does the best things for the most people. It just wants the feeling of doing the right thing without actually having to do it.

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pineappleshnapps t1_j0n8mac wrote

I came here to say I don’t think unnecessary is the right word. First of all, no one is ABSOLUTEY necessary other than yourself, and second of all we shouldn’t be judging people based off of whether or not they’re necessary. But by all means, kick the shitty ones to the curb.

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mwkaicz t1_j0ng38c wrote

You can try hide and delete everything from your device and memory, but you will never erase the pain you've caused others by vanishing without saying a reason.

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