I think maybe it’s talking about starting out?

I’m a lawyer and I’d be disbarred if I failed at my job (gave legal advice so bad it warranted malpractice), but when I was starting out painting I’d tell myself that I’d wad up the painting study when I was done with it, and the fact that only I’d see it took some of the pressure off to get started on practicing?

Idk it’s poorly worded.