You sound to me like someone who is, however, facing and acknowledging their fears.

Try not to live like a monk, but now work to increase your income at each opportunity. Work like an immigrant. Make yourself a financial safety net. Once you know you can survive a year, or even a few months, without work you're starting to be able to relax.

Take every training program or government scheme or tax break/benefit you can get. Don't be too humble.

I went from poor terror to comfortable, and possibly am a paper millionaire now. I spent years working out how I'd reach the end of the month.

And I'm sorry to hear about your Dad. I know people in this sort of situation and it's been so tough for them. But it really does get better if you just grasp your opportunities, take am active interest in your work, and crack on.