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[deleted] t1_j1a3bab wrote

Reply to comment by ph1294 in [image] by _Cautious_Memory



ph1294 t1_j1a5fdh wrote

What is it about suffering that makes you so unhappy?

Suffering is how you achieve great things. You should be happy to suffer, it means you’re pushing for something important.


[deleted] t1_j1a93rt wrote



ph1294 t1_j1acyhk wrote

That’s the secret hack nobody wants to tell you ;)

Honestly, suffering is pain and hardship. Of course it isn’t fun.

But the pain isn’t there for no reason. It’s a means to an end. You don’t get strong by not going to the gym, and you don’t go to the gym and not suffer. When people say they feel good during a workout, they don’t mean it it’s a comfortable or entertaining experience - they mean they recognize that the suffering is producing results and they feel accordingly.

Whatever it is you have to do, it might not be enjoyable in the present moment, but you can always find enjoyment in the fact that suffering means you’re doing something nessecary and becoming better for it.


[deleted] t1_j1aevvc wrote



ph1294 t1_j1auugf wrote

Okay, I think you make some important points. Let’s follow those thoughts:

When trying for weight loss, how many different strategies have you tried? How long do you spend on a strategy? Fitness can be an incredibly difficult mountain to climb because what works for one won’t wont for the other, and results take unusually long to materialize.

Why is your first thought upon failure “I suck and can’t progress.” Why not actively change that to “I now know what doesn’t work and get the opportunity to try a different strategy!”

Leisure should be fun. But leisure time isn’t productive time. Furthermore, think about how productive you had to be to turn those things into leisure! Was your first book easy? How long did it take you to truly appreciate literature and film? Do your opinions continue to grow and mature as you consume? Does it come freely, or does it take effort? You may be naturally inclined to these things, but nobody is born knowing how to read, nobody is born a movie buff, and it took time and effort to build those skills which you aren’t recognizing because they’re so trivial to you now.

If you want to grow, you have to work. And it sounds to me like the thing that’s really got you unhappy is the fact that everyone around you seems to be growing effortlessly. Hint: they aren’t. Everyone you know who is growing is working hard at it. Even if they’re a natural at what they’re doing, they’re working. (The best-of-the-best synergize between hard work and natural skill to get further than anyone else can)

The best way to see it is to join someone on a growth path. If the gym is a big one for you, get a gym buddy. Every time you feel like someone is watching you, frankly, remind yourself they aren’t, but also know that overcoming their gaze, or even their feeling of a gaze, is a challenge worth tackling.


[deleted] t1_j1ax1in wrote



ph1294 t1_j1axyik wrote

this is all perspective, I can’t fix you refusing to see that.

There’s no such thing as a fool proof fitness plan - anybody who tells you that is trying to sell you something.

If you’re comparing your fitness level to your gym buddy, you’re setting yourself up for failure. You have your suck, they have theirs. It’s two different things. Besides, I bet none of your workout buddies had the same critical thoughts about films and books you brought with you into the gym.

All of these complaints are opportunities if you view them that way.

Why do you care if people are looking? Does it make any difference if they are or aren’t?

Maybe a traditional gym isn’t right for you - can’t say you’ve tried everything until you’ve tried something else. Have you been boxing? Swimming? Tennis? HEMA? (Guarantee you’ve never done the last one!)

This is all your choice, to view things as you do. They’re either problems to make life miserable, or challenges to be overcome and destroyed. The choice is yours.


ph1294 t1_j1b6ifk wrote

All this isn’t to say I don’t empathize with struggling. We all struggle. I struggle with my weight too.

But it’s not about whether or not you struggle - it’s about how you handle your struggle. Mindset can be just as difficult and valid a struggle as exercise or dating or work or anything else.

Maybe it’s worth it to find a smaller challenge first, with more immediate results to try the “embrace the suck” mindset on?