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PhelesDragon t1_j1btt5g wrote

Is it possible to learn this power?

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SeekersWorkAccount t1_j1d3cye wrote

Yes, yes it definitely is! Hard work and love from your friends and family help. Celebrate every victory, stay disciplined, be kind to yourself, and let yourself enjoy smelling the roses on your walk through life.

I was a depressed mess, and then I gained this level of happiness and confidence. It's gone now, but everyone can achieve it and hold onto it.

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PhelesDragon t1_j1df4yc wrote

You were this 🤏 close to convincing me

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SeekersWorkAccount t1_j1dfgsy wrote

I conquered everything I could and was on the way to achieving all my dreams but I can't cure incurable diseases.

Now these days I'm redefining my goals and what it means to win, and I can/will get back there again eventually.

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Stackfault67 t1_j1dhurl wrote

Turning 40 years old helps. At that age, you know who you are and care a lot less about what other people think.

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PhelesDragon t1_j1dhx72 wrote

I'm 36 and just upheaved my entire life, idk if that's gonna happen...

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Trarmp t1_j1d9hc7 wrote

Not completely. Like with many things, it’s a combination of luck (eg financially) and action. The former weighing pretty heavily.

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EverQrius t1_j1bwi3d wrote

I am almost there. It has been nearly a 10 year journey for me.

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BrownRecluse90 t1_j1cb98x wrote

Care to share some gems of wisdom or things you've picked up along the way?

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darkware1 t1_j1cvjux wrote

Try not to label everything within you as good or bad. Or if you have to always try to find both in every situation. You will see that accepting your fears (outcomes you label as just bad) will help you accept yourself. If you're holding regrets then try to ask yourself the question whether you did your best with the amount of knowledge you had at time. If you can answer it with yes and it was still a shitty outcome then that means you had to learn something new to realize that. You have regrets because you've learned the lesson now. You might be able to see the value in that at some point and see the good in the bad experience.

But all of this works if you truly believe your own word. And you gotta practice to be honest and start trusting yourself before you can truly believe the "yes" or "no" to your own questions.

Good luck there mate, in the end you will have to create your own tools how to best deal with yourself and noone else's methods will guarantee you that. Only you can know what's best for you, and finding what that is is hard enough in the present. Impossible to decide for the future so it requires some giving in as well.

In the end we're all going through the same journey looking from a further vantage point and if some people can do it, so can you! <3

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Sugar_Panda t1_j1eq3pc wrote

Thank you for taking the time to write this! I am very grateful 🙏 it helps

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ComeFromTheWater t1_j1d6zl9 wrote

Pick a hobby or activity you enjoy and stick with it. You don’t have to ever be great at it per se, but having something you enjoy doing that you are at least set of good at really helps.

The bad news is you have to be consistent. The good news is that it just takes a little bit each day to get decent at something.

This next part may be a bit controversial, but I began taking martial arts (BJJ, but Judo, Tae Keon Do and boxing/kickboxing are legit too) really helped me because it empowered me. Knowing that you can defend yourself really helps even in non-physical situations, such as a negotiation or a conversation with your boss. I guess it becomes easier to stand up for yourself. You also learn that you don’t have to prove yourself to anyone.

Some sort of self-help/therapy is beneficial also.

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Gyoza-shishou t1_j1fsjrw wrote

Agree on the martial arts but a word of caution to watch what gyms you go to, way too many try to sell you this idea of being a "warrior" or just offer straight up bullshit teachings. Generally speaking, if their first rule of martial arts is to run when possible then you're in a good place.

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EverQrius t1_j1ik778 wrote

Just responded in the main thread. I hope it helps with your journey.

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[deleted] t1_j1c46uf wrote

Seeing this made me realize I reached that already :/

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withoutwaxm5 t1_j1c6pgs wrote

How do u know?

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Mooseternice t1_j1cc5wr wrote

This is just my speculation, but the way I see it is that what the original post is more or less a check list of sorts. Considering that Minerva said that they reached it already probably means that they’ve pretty much checked everything off the list and are just working to improve themselves. Or that’s how I interpreted it anyways, I could be wrong.

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[deleted] t1_j1e0vgt wrote

Exactly. And it was also somewhat of a natural process, because a lot of it has to do with time and age, and the experiences you gain along the way. I'm comfortable but NOT so comfortable thay I stop being curious, and stop improving and growing. Thats the key. I indeed have checked all of that off, and what matters to me now is just continous self development and living the best life I can. That is, of course, subjective. I've been through quite a lot.

I made some changes, thought about a few things, took proper course of actions, changed habits, built new ones, changed my mindsets about a few things, even let some people go or create boundaries, change my job etc. It's been effective. And its an ongoing process requiring work. I got a lot of challenges and stresses, but I do my best to manage them. I prioritize my well-being and peace.

I also practice gratitude and keep my thoughts positive and healthy. I dont have a huge ego, I can admit when I mess up. Then work on it. I practice taking personal responsibility and ask myself questions like "How should I best handle this? What should I learn from this? What did I do that I shouldnt repeat?" instead of reacting the obvious ways. I use others as a source of inspiration and "goals". I was never the type to envy, hate, compete etc. and I dont have time for victimhood or self pity.

A lot of things start losing their importance as you transition. Others become top priority. You especially start noticing that in your 30s. I am perfectly comfortable in my own company with my thoughts. Many cant sit with themselves for 10 minutes without needing a distraction. I'm fine with others and I'm fine with me. I'm not afraid to let go or embrace anything, as necessary. I'm secured enough to not need complements, validations etc. But when I do receive it, I graciously accept.

For me, a peaceful, healthy life where I am with people who add value is of UTTER importance. Like, we're CHOOSING to be around each other, not because I'm gonna be crippled without. I'm busy, I'm on my own, I dont need shit. I just wanna spend my free time chilling, doing things I enjoy and not being a horrible person.

Also, no social/family plan? Its fine. I'm gonna enjoy Thai food and watch Family Guy or South Park on Sat night with my cat while I soak my feet in a hot foot bath. Or go out on my own. It's great!

I also FINALLY have a reasonable work-life balance. I wanted to level up, find something even a little better that doesnt just pay me, but helps me connect with others in a positive environment and helps me grow personally and professionally. As long as I make enough to support myself, I'm fine. Those aforementioned stuff matter a lot.

I didnt even care about the pay, I just wanted a change of environment because that would instantly improve things for me 100% even if same pay. Its not always about $$$. Just finished a contract yesterday and made several connections at that company while there. They told me to keep my eye out for any future positions, they'd love to have me back. What I do isnt my "passion". Its Administrative stuff. Not my dream job. But I like it and I'm valued. I keep my passions and interests aside to enjoy on my personal time.

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[deleted] t1_j1dsznl wrote

Because I am very comfortable with where I am in my life right now and the person I am. You know when you know.

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Mooseternice t1_j1e1lyp wrote

Agreed. And I’m happy that you’ve been able to find the life that you wanted to live and that you’re doing well for yourself too, keep up the good work friend☺️

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[deleted] t1_j1e8smr wrote

It takes a lot of personal responsibility....doesnt happen by itself. Thank you so much and I wish the same for you and everyone. We all deserve at least some peace and contentment for ourselves. It starts with taking personal responsibility. Love and respect yourself, be kind and caring to yourself. You will get there

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I_na_na t1_j1co9go wrote

This state of mind is called wisdom. It is all about being happy in the present and not chasing something others told you, you must achieve. I know I am not perfect and there is much more left to do, but my life is full of love and I appreciate it, as it is.

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TheChurchOfDonovan t1_j1ci1y4 wrote

Someone better check on 'em make sure they didn't ascend to the Nirvana realm

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lucastorr1 t1_j1cdbiy wrote

I’m 40 it took me to my late thirties to realise this, it’s pure freedom.

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LoneWolf_McQuade t1_j1eaooo wrote

This goal can be reached at any moment with practice. It’s an inward spiritual journey, you’ll never get there chasing material things.

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Creepy_Blueberry_554 t1_j1eke0z wrote

> to be better than anyone else

But that’s what motivates me

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Glittering_Rope379 t1_j1el1p7 wrote

Reading affirmations daily have helped me, I’ve got a ways to go though

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EverQrius t1_j1ikl1u wrote

I too use self affirmation frequently.

The thoughts become words and actions. The actions become a habit. So watching my thoughts helps to stay on course.

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majikrat69 t1_j1ccs6r wrote

I’m there but would always rather be Dave Grohl.

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muhush t1_j1cra13 wrote

Good luck bro

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ScrmNRn t1_j1cs8r1 wrote

It’s awesome -therapy

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OneLyc t1_j1cxfpm wrote

i've been on a continuous upslope for about 5 years now. i'm 35 now. i would say between 9 and 30 it was pretty shitty. i make more than i can spend. but if i told you my salary you'd laugh. i have no car and don't need it for work. maybe that helps. i enjoy my work and i knew the moment they hired me i'll retire with this company. the job security is there. i will get a new flat in 2023 and hopefully i can have a cat then.

if i told my 15 year ago self i would have the life i'm living now i wouldn't have believed my future self.

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nineonewon t1_j1d7wvt wrote

I mean it's pretty normal and even okay to dislike a part of yourself that you could improve on.

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Shawnigmatic t1_j1d9o7p wrote

The goal is to improve on those things until you can accept yourself as someone you are proud of.

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darokrol t1_j1d8ceb wrote

That's how I feel when I'm unemployed

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TrickoTreat07 t1_j1di08u wrote

I’ve reached this recently. It took a trip to a third world country to realize what I have really is just fine. Take a brake from social media and just focus on what you actually want and where you want to be. Wake up everyday and ask what you can do to get there. And once you do learn to take the foot off the gas and not look for the next move for a while. Just bask in it and take a breathe. Slow down.

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TheloniusDump t1_j1dlhe3 wrote

Therapy, exercise and purpose have helped me with this. I'm not there but I can tell I'm going the right way.

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LadyJ-78 t1_j1e3blk wrote

I like this place. I'm happy with my life and don't need to be better than anyone else. Do you know the one super power you need to achieve this (IMO)? Stubbornness, being stubborn in being happy with who you are! Lol, I come with abundance of this super power. 🤣🤣

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Lucifer284369 t1_j1eb0o6 wrote

I gotta say it was worth all the hard work to pass that goalpost myself. Worth it.

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tomhofsink t1_j1ej3qu wrote

I need this, anyone tips?

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cy13erpunk t1_j1fef34 wrote

follow the path towards becoming your own lil buddha

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PEPSICOLA123456 t1_j1dhgdh wrote

This doesn’t exist

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Gyoza-shishou t1_j1fsz8n wrote

Oh it does, but if it was as easy as that we wouldn't live in such a shitty world

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PEPSICOLA123456 t1_j1fvr2g wrote

It’s human nature to always want more. The only instance I’ve seen of this is well into old age when you truly can’t be bothered to do anything other than just exist.

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Funduk007 t1_j1f54sy wrote

Have you tried stepping out of your comfort zone?

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Gyoza-shishou t1_j1fryce wrote

Counteroffer: Turn your life upside down every few years looking for a "clean slate" and a "new you" even though all you're really doing is ghosting people and sabotaging your own career.

Trust me bro, it's fun.

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somebunnnie t1_j1fvw3j wrote

I am right here with you … 100%

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bakinpants t1_j1d7en5 wrote

Your goal is designed to make others feel inferior. Yuck

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Shawnigmatic t1_j1d9j61 wrote

I'd like to challenge you in this moment. How does focusing on yourself and not comparing yourself to others impact them?

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