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farrenkm t1_j1eglna wrote

If things had been different in my childhood, I'd never have met my wife. Sadness.


Foxsayy t1_j1ej19g wrote

People also contextualize their trauma to cope. But for all you know, you could have met someone you liked even better.

But for some reason, even if you could guarantee that your life would be massively better, but completely different, if you could go back and choose A instead of B, most people wouldn't pull that lever.


farrenkm t1_j1enopp wrote

I suspect they'd see it as a betrayal of the people they know and love. And would they keep their memories of their life as it exists? Because then, there'd be massive guilt that you rejected the direction of life with the people you know and love.

For me, I stopped doing my homework at an early age. For middle school and high school, I got put into private school so the class sizes would be smaller and they'd have better contact with the teachers. Spoiler alert, it didn't help. But I met my wife in high school 30+ years ago now. If I'd just done my homework consistently, I'd have never been transferred to private schools, and I'd never have met her. Even if I knew my life would be "better," and if I knew I would meet someone "better," well -- first of all, I can't visualize that, she's literally the best thing that's ever happened to me, and to choose a different life would carry some measure of "she's not good enough for me." Even if she never knew I chose a different life in this scenario, and we never met, I could never make that choice. And even if my life is better, what's the guarantee hers is?

I think the "But for some reason . . . most people wouldn't pull that lever" is completely understandable.

Edit: after posting this reply, I started thinking -- what is the definition of "better?" It's so nebulous and individual. Easier? Happier? Will I win the lottery or be the CEO of a major corporation? Is that better? I'm not monetarily rich, but I wouldn't trade the family I have for anything. I work a job where I feel I serve humanity. (I'm a network engineer at a hospital system. I learned I'm not cut out for direct patient care, but my work provides RNs, MDs, CNAs, RTs, etc. the information they need at a moment's notice to treat someone who is hurting.) That knowledge keeps me coming to work, even when I don't want to. I've been going through a lot of emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical turmoil/pain in the last 15 months. My wife, kids, and therapist (among many others) are behind me 100%. Would my life be "better" without that pain, without needing to go through all that? There's someone who draws fantastic fan art for a show I watch. He posted this end of November. Is "easier" or with less pain inherently better and happier? There are so many things to consider.

Edit 2: Well, I got busted for crossposting another subreddit. Didn't think about it. The drawing in question is for a show called The Owl House, by a user named makmark. In it, the main character is having a discussion with her earlier self. Her earlier self wants to stay with the life she has, because her dad didn't die of cancer and her mom fixed the bullying issues. But her older self explains that life isn't perfect, it has its ups and downs, and we're going to make mistakes, but all that helps us to grow and cherish what we have. The younger character decides to join the older character and continue on (where they stick it to one of the main antagonists).


Gyoza-shishou t1_j1ftq9r wrote

Bruh if I could go back even to last month I would try to change so much lmao


que0x t1_j1fvyf2 wrote

oh man, that's me. I could been a better person if I had a better childhood.