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[deleted] t1_j1du9yu wrote

I say this all the time,

“I am certain my bad luck has saved me from complete disaster.”


PingouinMalin t1_j1dzo78 wrote

It doesn't mean they'd be worse either. Seriously, let people cry over shit. Saying people to relativise all the time is toxic. Not motivating


The59Sownd t1_j1ebtyn wrote

I think this mentality could be a way of reframing regret. Often people can get stuck in regret, wishing they'd made a different decision. I think a lot of regret comes from believing things would have been better with a different decision, even though there's no evidence for that. So I think one can and should process painful feelings related to whatever is happening, without needing to compare their reality to an imagined alternate one.


imlikemikenike t1_j1fjoi2 wrote

I call it the doom loop when this happens, and indeed a way to reframe the mindset does help when it feel like you’re drowning in guilt and shame.


crujones33 t1_j1g500z wrote

I have regrets, lots of them. And I know they would have led to a better life.


The59Sownd t1_j1g6dit wrote

You can't know that. Any different decision creates a completely different trajectory in life, and you can't know where that would have led you. Even if the choices we made fucked things up for us, we can't ever know where a different decision would have led us. Which is what makes regret so hard: our imagination is powerful, and create entirely different and happy realities for us.


Lower_Analysis_5003 t1_j1f6mls wrote

Ah yes, a woman's rape and murder is for the best because who knows? Maybe she would have been double raped and double murdered! There's no evidence it wouldn't have happened instead!


owlunar t1_j1fjve3 wrote

What the fuck are you talking about?


COSMOOOO t1_j1fmoml wrote

They read something about regret and their mind instantly jumps to raping and murdering a woman.

The guilty wheel squeaks loudest. Anyone got a NSA agent they wanna point at that guy?


Gyoza-shishou t1_j1fthja wrote

I thought we all had our own personal agent watching us 24/7


onetimenative t1_j1e6k95 wrote

This is the worst day of your life .... so far!


sovietmcdavid t1_j1e8o8a wrote

I'm an optimist. Things could be worse!


Not_floridaman t1_j1fib2t wrote

When my blood pressure was high after I had my twins, I was getting nervous because I've always had crazy low BP and my ob (whom I love) was like "try not to get too upset. It's not terrible yet and it could always be worse" then the BP cuff finished, it was higher and he goes "look! It's worse!" In that moment, he made me laugh so much.


Phdcatbird t1_j1f1rbq wrote

This absolutely motivated me. I have a very punitive thought process sometimes and this kind of advice is actually very helpful for me.


TheGoldenSeraph t1_j1f0rjr wrote

I don't see this as meaning anything would necessarily be worse. More like whatever problems or issues you have currently would likely just be replaced with other issues and problems. Just a pick your poison type of scenario but everybody always picks what the other guy has because they think what they have is not good enough or is the worst they can get.


rb1rb1 t1_j1eck0f wrote

everything everywhere all at once was an amazing movie i recently saw is pretty much that


mglwmnc t1_j1g86na wrote

I would rather just be folding laundry and doing taxes with you.


ruddsy t1_j1eznij wrote

why is there a neon sign in a creek


ragnsep t1_j1gaoq4 wrote

I feel like everyone is glossing over the offset and rotated neon text... In a creek?

The feels like someone's AI experiment of a motivational poster.


asajosh t1_j1ejuuz wrote

I'm alive and my dogs are all happy and healthy.

Been in touch with the "one that got away" who is currently very unavailable and she confessed how close she was to dating me. Not sure what I am supposed to do with that info now but I am alive and my dogs are all healthy and happy so there is that.


farrenkm t1_j1eglna wrote

If things had been different in my childhood, I'd never have met my wife. Sadness.


Foxsayy t1_j1ej19g wrote

People also contextualize their trauma to cope. But for all you know, you could have met someone you liked even better.

But for some reason, even if you could guarantee that your life would be massively better, but completely different, if you could go back and choose A instead of B, most people wouldn't pull that lever.


farrenkm t1_j1enopp wrote

I suspect they'd see it as a betrayal of the people they know and love. And would they keep their memories of their life as it exists? Because then, there'd be massive guilt that you rejected the direction of life with the people you know and love.

For me, I stopped doing my homework at an early age. For middle school and high school, I got put into private school so the class sizes would be smaller and they'd have better contact with the teachers. Spoiler alert, it didn't help. But I met my wife in high school 30+ years ago now. If I'd just done my homework consistently, I'd have never been transferred to private schools, and I'd never have met her. Even if I knew my life would be "better," and if I knew I would meet someone "better," well -- first of all, I can't visualize that, she's literally the best thing that's ever happened to me, and to choose a different life would carry some measure of "she's not good enough for me." Even if she never knew I chose a different life in this scenario, and we never met, I could never make that choice. And even if my life is better, what's the guarantee hers is?

I think the "But for some reason . . . most people wouldn't pull that lever" is completely understandable.

Edit: after posting this reply, I started thinking -- what is the definition of "better?" It's so nebulous and individual. Easier? Happier? Will I win the lottery or be the CEO of a major corporation? Is that better? I'm not monetarily rich, but I wouldn't trade the family I have for anything. I work a job where I feel I serve humanity. (I'm a network engineer at a hospital system. I learned I'm not cut out for direct patient care, but my work provides RNs, MDs, CNAs, RTs, etc. the information they need at a moment's notice to treat someone who is hurting.) That knowledge keeps me coming to work, even when I don't want to. I've been going through a lot of emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical turmoil/pain in the last 15 months. My wife, kids, and therapist (among many others) are behind me 100%. Would my life be "better" without that pain, without needing to go through all that? There's someone who draws fantastic fan art for a show I watch. He posted this end of November. Is "easier" or with less pain inherently better and happier? There are so many things to consider.

Edit 2: Well, I got busted for crossposting another subreddit. Didn't think about it. The drawing in question is for a show called The Owl House, by a user named makmark. In it, the main character is having a discussion with her earlier self. Her earlier self wants to stay with the life she has, because her dad didn't die of cancer and her mom fixed the bullying issues. But her older self explains that life isn't perfect, it has its ups and downs, and we're going to make mistakes, but all that helps us to grow and cherish what we have. The younger character decides to join the older character and continue on (where they stick it to one of the main antagonists).


Gyoza-shishou t1_j1ftq9r wrote

Bruh if I could go back even to last month I would try to change so much lmao


que0x t1_j1fvyf2 wrote

oh man, that's me. I could been a better person if I had a better childhood.


EmberRayne2022 t1_j1duxnf wrote

Woww send the town car next time you come for me like that.


Another_Road t1_j1eoadd wrote

Idk man, I think things would be better if things were different and that tree didn’t smash a giant hole in my roof 2 days before Christmas.


Least_Lobster6295 t1_j1g5kqr wrote

Sometimes worse things are blessings in disguise.


AwkwrdPrtMskrt t1_j1f689k wrote

I thought this is r/GetMotivated, this sounds like it belongs in r/getdemotivated.


que0x t1_j1fvqrp wrote

Thanks for the quote. I have been living a nightmare of regret, maybe now is better than what it could have been.


Aldous_Hawk t1_j1fb5jt wrote

I read this just as I was deciding to text my toxic ex back after being separated for months, thanks I really needed this.


jolle2001 t1_j1eymr1 wrote

Things could be worse but they sure as hell could also have been a lot better


JerryLikesTolkien t1_j1f4d38 wrote

> 'Things might have been different, but they could not have been better.' [J.R.R. Tolkien, Leaf by Niggle]


al3237 t1_j1fxruc wrote

Looking back at all the abuse, physical, emotional, and psychological alongside to bullying and almost daily rape, with forced to work like a slave and isolated from everyone. 4 years of all that, All that because of 1 decision. I would say i trully believe it would be better. If my other path led to death, even better.


Grn_momlife t1_j1fyee9 wrote

That’s the truth rt there 🙌🏼


OctopusLover69 t1_j1g48l7 wrote

So many people think “man if only I’d done X instead of Y”

But you always envision X with the best outcome in mind. You could’ve done X and then randomly gotten into a car crash or something. You never know


You4icc t1_j1g7dz4 wrote

The hell am I supposed to do with this


rezwarrior7 t1_j1g9h9v wrote

just got out of a toxic relationship, these words resonate with me. ty.


miamaya6 t1_j1gzpa3 wrote

The midnight library is an amazing book that helped me contextualize this concept


LogicJunkie2000 t1_j1h05vm wrote

I'm 36. The number of people I came up with that are gone for a reason out of their control is immense. It helps me to reframe and try to just be happy I'm here another day, and to take in as much as I can.


Lvl1Paladin t1_j1h4wm0 wrote

-The Christmas Carol intensifies-


SGTBookWorm t1_j1h9gla wrote

idk, not having depression and crying myself to sleep every night would have been a massive improvement


burniksapwet t1_j1haq60 wrote

It doesn’t mean they won’t either.


Throwaway194757292 t1_j1hdr2e wrote

Literally anything could have happened and it would be better. I coulda got ran over as a kid and I bet I’d be happier in that life than in this one.


BillyBigRollocks t1_j1hkqe3 wrote

This is so true, too many people think the grass could always be greener.


SubaruSufferu t1_j1hn9m4 wrote

It would definitely be fucking better.


kambrother t1_j1rl1ay wrote

Needed to hear this, blaming myself over a breakup and working on self-improvement... but keep going back to not forgiving myself and the situation


maverickingprime t1_j1fo7ux wrote

I hate this quote so much. Yeah it might not be better, but at a glance this is encouraging people to stay in situations that are actively harmful at worst just because they don't know how better or worse the alternative is. Go eat a snake.


whitefoot t1_j1fqntx wrote

"you were fucked either way"


Gyoza-shishou t1_j1ft724 wrote

Idk man, I can't really see how NOT being ran over by an SUV wouldn't be better


Foxsayy t1_j1eirhc wrote

Damn, never thought of it that way. I'm going show this to the kids after my next drunken rampage.


wildirishheart t1_j1emyxg wrote

Could have been ; would have been*


FunWelcome t1_j1eu8yl wrote

This is why you shouldn't time travel and kill Hitler or stop 9/11.


SellingMySoulInHell t1_j1fcs0x wrote

wtf is this shit?

So if things change, it doesn't mean for the better?

nice ted talk