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Igrowdaily t1_j1fmekb wrote

I'm the same way at times, I tell myself how bad I am in some areas and then I'll hear compliments from people about how great I did in those areas. I really need to work on my self talk!


Dumguy1214 t1_j1g06g2 wrote

most of the bad talk comes from england, we seem to steal their cash and super cuties every time

to them we are the bad guy

to the rest of the world we are pretty funny guys


MuchoGrandeRandy t1_j1g1f5h wrote

This is 100% true.

We are only one person but we lie to ourselves that we're different from one person to the next or on the inside instead of outside.


prixellife t1_j1gc6oj wrote

I've been crying a lot recently and having lots of weird thoughts because it's getting to be the holiday seasons, and I brought it up with my boyfriend that "I don't understand why people that are not my family are getting me gifts"

(Backstory: his mom is getting me a bunch of gifts and my dad's girlfriend is sending me gifts)

He responded with "because other people know and see how kind you are and that you are a good person, while you don't see that for yourself" it's been sticking with me for about a week. It's a really weird feeling


TotallynottheCCP t1_j1gccz4 wrote

In basic training my drill sergeant used to get frustrated with me because I wasn't "using my potential ". then 12 years later, my supervisor is telling other people (in my presence too) that I "don't sell myself well".

I wish I had the ability to see what others see in me. I've been so trained to believe certain things or accomplishments are "out of my league", it's really fucking hard to imagine that I can actually do more than I believe I can. I'm not honestly sure if I'll ever realize it or just continue to live within my mental boundaries.


FreakyManBaby t1_j1gdr54 wrote

I shall continue deceiving them to the best of my ability


A-Nony-Mouse3 t1_j1gfvh0 wrote

This hits home. I’d always thought of myself as an outsider, different than others and anti-establishment/ anti- authority. (And TBH, I guess I still do in a different way.)

But I had a crazy experience that helped me see things a bit differently.

I was at a Tony Robbins event many years ago where thousands of people were grouped into maybe 10 or 12 people for a certain exercise. We were formed in a circle and asked to close our eyes. The initial instruction was to keep our eyes shut and point towards the leader of the group.

When I opened my eyes, all of my group were pointing at me. That surprised the fuck out of me! But shortly after, i remembered and realized how often others had seen me that same way. Being a team captain when I actively disdained it, reluctant chief resident, or any other number of situations where people thought of me as a leader, but I either refused or only reluctantly took on that role.

This realization went a long way toward me finally embracing my inherent leadership. And ultimately recognizing that the best way to change any system is to throw vicious elbows from a leadership position within it.

Fuck imposter syndrome. It’s an excuse to avoid doing what you know is right, in hopes that no one finds out so you can keep your job. Fuck that too.

Be who you are. And be here now.


hickdog896 t1_j1gnga6 wrote

I don't think it is about self talk as much as it is about objectivity, which is hard to achieve when you are the subject. It may be the case (as it was for me in one past situation) that you are so conscious and concerned about your weakness in some area that you apply extra effort and develop coping mechanisms that allow you to be competent or better at it.


AJMax104 t1_j1grhtz wrote

Kings and Queens implies Divine Right.

Find better ways of talking to people.

Such trite bullshit.


Just be a good person. Stop adding royalties clowns


tots4scott t1_j1grtwo wrote

Nah they just don't see all of my faults and problems that I constantly deal with and hide daily.


Analtrain t1_j1gy2zw wrote

Divine right: Right of a sovereign to rule as set forth by the theory of government that holds that a monarch receives the right to rule directly from God and not from the people.

Delete your post and get rekt


DankRev4N t1_j1h0h7t wrote

I really like this, but my imposter syndrome, that lil voice in my head, always tells me in response that I see the parts of me that they don't see, that I know myself better than other people and that I truly know how good/bad I really am


kakalbo123 t1_j1h4df2 wrote

I always feel awkward when people praise me or when they highlight what I'm capable of. I sometimes wonder if it's because I'm receiving praise from people I'm not very close with. And the people I'm very close with are boys who won't often open up about stuff like praising you about stuff. Like I'm wondering is it because I don't hold the opinion of others highly compared to very dear friends who know me front and back?


Liquidmilk1 t1_j1h5vxt wrote

So i recently started a job after being worn down by uni for years - completely messed with my perception of my own skills despite scoring among the top grades that year.

I figured the job was a fresh start, and that I'd go into it by just faking confidence and comfortability with my role from the start. Internally i was constantly belittling myself, but people only noticed a confident person not being afraid of taking on new tasks - and it WORKED. Coworkers keep praising me for stepping up and trying. 2 months later my mindset is changing to focus on maximizing successes instead of minimizing mistakes. Any mistake is just a learning opportunity to perform better next time.

It's super cheesy, but faking it can change your mindset really fast.


Dumguy1214 t1_j1h6f75 wrote

well, we raided them for awhile as vikings, bringing loot and women

you lost 2 cod wars

ice save drained you in the great market crash of 2008

there must be some feeling of always loosing


mizukata t1_j1h6mbg wrote

My father crushed my self esteem so many times it's hard for me to believe I am good. Yes, i understand what the post means. As I grew older I started believing in me more but when its your own parents that dont believe in you its soul crushing.


MeltAway421 t1_j1h8w6m wrote

Part of my job it seems is countering impostor syndrome. I think everyone gets there somehow but I get a really hard task or schedule, I think badly of my ability, and then remind myself that I am very good at this and if I put in the effort it will get done. And it does. Because I am.


azorianmilk t1_j1h9pef wrote

I beat myself to a bloody pulp. In those moments I remind myself- would you talk to your best friends this way? Would you talk to your teenage self this way? Your child self this way? Then put your big girl panties on, accept your mistake, learn from it and move on!


prismstein t1_j1haahf wrote

Kings, queens, fucking cringe

Edit: some actual contribution

Get angry. It's okay to get angry and be angry. Manifest your rage and follow up with the actions. If you have had enough sadness or fear, try anger.


SmooK_LV t1_j1hanmy wrote

At a dinner with senior colleagues I commented casually how people have tendency to overrate me. One of them responded "but have you ever thought that it may be the case because people do actually like you and your work?".


valkyrieone t1_j1hep36 wrote

A friend of mine has her own podcast called Messy Talk. And on her first episode she said that we often tell others to treat others as we wish t be treated, but fail to treat ourselves how we wish to be treated. And I started crying because I realized how often I treat myself so poorly.


philouza_stein t1_j1hf9xs wrote

Nah it's because I know of all the shitty things I've done and gotten away with. All the work projects I half assed and faked but still got accolades.

Only I know how undeserving of credit I really am


EscapedTheMatrix t1_j1hflpd wrote

See this is probably true of most people but I have legitimately just become really good at tricking other people into thinking I'm a good person, because I'm superficial and obsessed with external image. Other people seeing me as good and virtuous means more to me than actually being good and virtuous, and I'm aware of how fucked this is but that doesn't make it untrue. I feel like every kind/generous/selfless thing I've ever done has at its core just been an effort to earn people's love/admiration/respect. Even when it feels like genuine empathy, I know deep down that it's probably just so deeply engrained into my personality that in reality I'm still being superficial and disingenuous despite it feeling otherwise.


methos3 t1_j1hhoue wrote

I experienced this in a powerful way. I was upstairs in my townhouse and walked quickly past the bathroom when the door was open, looking in and saw my reflection in the mirror. I stopped completely in surprise because the face I had seen in the mirror was beautiful!

When I walked back and into the bathroom for a closer look, only then did I see all the “imperfections” and blemishes that I usually beat myself up over.

But for a split second, I had seen myself as everyone else does.


RicTheRuler16 t1_j1hhrdq wrote

I know a person who feels this way as well. Thinks low of herself, but really has it all. My constant talks have finally made a breakthrough and she’s embracing her inner warrior.


theRealJuicyJay t1_j1hj9m5 wrote

I used to have imposter syndrome, and then I took a remote job based out of Nebraska, cleared that right up, let me tell you.


The_Vat t1_j1hki7k wrote

Fuck me it's a hard road.

At some point, if you keep working hard enough the façade becomes reality.


kevinappletree t1_j1hkmld wrote

What if everyone has a lower opinion of you than what you, yourself believe


i_am_amer_ t1_j1hlcv4 wrote

This is not always true. Sometimes, people who are very socially aware of themselves, such as myself are usually correct on what others think of them, especially when it's something negative.


FamousRest t1_j1hlkfa wrote

,,,,,,,,,, , ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, , , s


What3722 t1_j1hlyt2 wrote

I never get a compliment sooooo I am shit, I knew it!!


GabbyFromHR t1_j1hmz1b wrote

I was saying some self-depricating shit and my buddy turned to me and said "Hey, don't talk about my friend like that." Still makes me smile whenever I think about it.


Stillwater215 t1_j1hnio1 wrote

If you believe yourself to be average, then any great accomplishment of yours could have been done by anyone.

-the ongoing source of my imposter syndrome and depression.


esines t1_j1hnz2h wrote

Why assume other's opinions are necessarily more accurate? If others speak lowly of you then must you be a lowly person?


shake-it-2-the-grave t1_j1hp1rd wrote

Please kindly remember: you do not have to believe everything that you think about yourself.


Nightriser t1_j1hudgj wrote

People don't need to know how the sausage is made if they like it and it doesn't get them sick. They just want delicious sausage, and if you've got the goods, who cares if making it was a big mess?


Nightriser t1_j1hurxz wrote

Greasy spoons and sorta run down-looking Chinese restaurants have some of the most delicious food. If you went into the kitchen, what you'd see might turn your stomach. But the end result is amazing. Maybe you don't need to judge the end results by the means used to get them.


DrenkBolij t1_j1hvfus wrote

Other people see maybe one percent of what really goes on inside my head. They think I'm decisive and capable because they don't know I'm confused and overanalyze and then finally make a wild guess about what to do. When it works, they talk about how brilliant I am but I know I had no idea; when it fails, they still think it was a good try.

And nobody has any idea how much of what goes on in my head is just about sex.

They're impressed because they don't know who I really am. They know who I pretend to be for their benefit.


mocxed t1_j1hw4t3 wrote

a lot of subtle narcissism in this thread


Hyda55 t1_j1hwcrq wrote

I often tell people to be a “better friend to themselves”


Somorev t1_j1hxbid wrote

I'm very much in this boat. I don't take praise very well but instead compliment others or I'll say 'ah I'm just doing my job' or 'ah anyone can do that'. I have no ego as a result of this and any form of self confidence is just me seeing things on a wire and saying 'fuck it, let's go do this thing'.


Otacon01 t1_j1hxmfy wrote

So value others opinions of myself over my own, got it….. Motivational quotes are often times trash.


moderatesoul t1_j1hyuip wrote

Great message. We really need to stop with the kings and queens business though. None of us are, or should aspire to be, anything like kings or queens.


namc13 t1_j1hzk5e wrote

Nah you also don't see any of your peers' faults and problems THEY constantly deal with. You just see the results they produce, or the face they present to the outside. Ever thought about that?


walkingfeather t1_j1i1880 wrote

It’s not a “syndrome” it’s just life. No one can fully understand you nor because of perception we can not of ourselves. You are all of who you are at any given moment it is the context that changes. Stop Worrying about such shit and think and do your best. You’re not broken.


FortunateInsanity t1_j1i3kn5 wrote

Healthy people are their own worst critic. They exclusively know their intentions versus outcomes. This only becomes problematic when a person starts believing that other people have that same perspective.


No_Kangaroo_3061 t1_j1i3u7k wrote

Whelp, I know what *I'm* talking about in therapy next session.


Jacob_MacAbre t1_j1i9fkn wrote

Reminds me of a bit from a comedian I once saw on Russel Howard Hour (Troy Hawke), and I'm paraphrasing a bit here:
"You know who doesn't have Imposter Syndrome? Imposters. Go pretend you work at B&Q for a day and see what it's like to be an imposter. You can get angry about anything and it won't mean shit tomorrow. So when you feel like you have Imposter Syndrome, remember what it's like when you, eventually, get kicked out by security. Remember you are physically, emotionally and intellectually capable of your REAL job because you self-analyse and self-reflect. And because you self-analyse and self-reflect and self-doubt means you're good at your job. You give so much of a shit about what you do that you're worrying about not doing a good job."
Makes the pain of Imposter Syndrome a bit easier to bear knowing it's because I give a shit and, hopefully, that means I'm doing a good job.


SuchAClassicGirl t1_j1ibve0 wrote

Or they see what you’ve lied to THEM about while you know the truth


china_cup t1_j1ifqk1 wrote

I do understand the sentiment of this and mostly do agree. However, on the flip-side, I think some people have outrageous expectations of others. Some people have a hard time understanding that not everyone thinks like you, has the same drive, desires, work ethic or morals as you do. I do not live up to a lot of expectations that people have put upon me and I never gave them a reason to think I could meet that.


V0dkafa11 t1_j1ildrk wrote

This is /getmotivated not /blackpeopletwitter


IIIIlllIIlIllllIllll t1_j1in5pd wrote

Or they see the fake version of you that you present externally. You’re the best equipped person to understand the real you


KPer123 t1_j1in7tp wrote

Anyone who says kings and queens is cringe AF.


Spdoink t1_j1inaz3 wrote

I’m the opposite of this, I reckon.


sevnm12 t1_j1iu9ez wrote

Theres a book called the growth mindset by carol Dweck. I recently read it and realized that I had a lot of boundaries I set for myself that were completely fictional. It helped me see things differently, that I don't have to be this way forever. I recommend taking a look!


LifeLearn777 t1_j1iv8iq wrote

Self-honesty is tough. Look in the mirror. Stare into your own eyes. Ask, "who is this person?" Confess out loud one thing you would like to improve. But don't stop there. Confess one thing that you like about yourself. Be honest. See what happens when you stare into the abyss of your own soul. It can be very scary, but it is healing. Honesty.


TotallynottheCCP t1_j1iwahh wrote

Nobody's gonna be able to fulfill their potential until they believe it exists. Unfortunately 8 weeks of some dude shorter and younger than me yelling at me to overcome the years of wearing down that was my first 25 years of life.


LifeLearn777 t1_j1iwvye wrote

In a gathering, if you are worried a bout what other people are thinking about you, don't. They usually aren't thinking about you at all. They are thinking about what people are thinking about them.

In life, sort out what you value that is life giving for yourself and others. Then put focus and energy into that. This is authentic. Bless others. This is healing. Make your contribution because this gives purpose.

And here is a trick. If you are worrying about how others think of you, simply focus on truly hearing others and caring about them. If they feel heard, they will love you. And keep in mind that we can learn something great from ANYONE. So it is worth hearing people out.


LifeLearn777 t1_j1ixzbw wrote

When we are learning, we are LEARNING. That is not fake. So choose one thing at a time to learn and grow in. Then authentically work on it with grace and forgiveness. New ways of being take a long time. Life habits are worth shaping, and you are not faking it. You are learning it. You can feel really great about that! And keep in mind, if you really want grow in an area, that potential is already in your heart. It is real and a part of the authentic you even if you have not mastered it yet. And forgive yourself for your shortcomings. Name them. Forgive them out loud in the mirror. Forgive yourself so you can bless those around you more.


horizontalrain t1_j1j1vx0 wrote

It's an odd mix of both.

People think my comments are just edgy/pervy humor not thoughts have and try and contain.

We also don't see how skilled we are in tasks as it's just what we do. Others can see the skill from outside.

I get shit on for my job most everyday to the point I question what I know. Until I'm having to explain how processes work and I kinda grasp I might have a clue.

But I am told more often than not I don't know shit about most topics even when it's part of my degree or job.


La_Baraka6431 t1_j1jms3m wrote

Trying to work out where the hell mud comes into this …


k3v1n t1_j1lr5yo wrote

What about if your whole family is naturally negative and chronically makes you feel like shit about everything?