[Discussion] Does self improvement really work? Or is it just the way how we cope with how bad our life is

Submitted by CrazyEvery3682 t3_101uirz in GetMotivated

Let me explain, I've been on the self improvement journey for over 2 years now, at start I started to see change's, made new friends, started gym saw progress.

But that didn't last long slowly it all fell to peice's, my motivation level fell down, I started socializing less, started eating unhealthy, sitting alone and avoiding human contact, started watching porn again and it just didn't felt right.

So I started my self improvement journey again, but now it's all different, now I just sit and watch countless video's, read countless self help books, go to therapist each month,

But it all just feels useless, just the next day I wake up I forget everything, it's back to sqaure 1, I don't feel like taking any actions doing anything, just lazy laying in bed procrastinating,

and then I watch more motivation, read more books, next day again back to zero and this cycle continues.

And my biggest issue is first I used to watch self improvement video's I used to get chills, I used to get that drive to go get it, work for it, but now I don't feel anything, I just binge watch those videos like movies and Tv show's, I just read books for the sake of reading and just zone out while reading learning nothing.

But why is it different this time?

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thecastingforecast t1_j2ppe0k wrote

It might be time to leave motivation behind and join r/getdisciplined. Motivation is a finite resource and waiting for those chills to act is going to leave you sadly disappointed. It's all well and good to figure out why you want to change but at some point you just have to effing do it. It doesn't matter if you want to go to the gym. Go anyways. It doesn't matter if you want an extra dessert, you don't need it if you want to lose weight. Sure you need to change your mindset to improve but you can change your mind all you want and it won't do shit if you don't follow it up with actions. Waiting for an ephemeral magic spark to spur you into action is waiting for failure. Those fleeting moments will never lead to permanent change until you turn your positive actions into a routine and habit, and that can only come through practice and discipline.

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godofgutless t1_j2prqiu wrote

This is a good advice. While I disagree on the point that motivation is finite, Discipline will continue to push you where motivation fails.

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thecastingforecast t1_j2psvw7 wrote

Motivation won't be with you 24/7, day after day, week after week. It comes and goes, ebbs and flows. You can't count on it and if you have any sort of mental health struggles like depression it can be especially hard to find. It is there when it wants to be there. It has limits which is the very definition of finite.

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godofgutless t1_j2pu6ed wrote

You are wrong. Motivation is the manifestation of will. And it is that essential animalistic instinct that drives us to continue existing.

There is no purpose to life, it has no meaning. Knowing this the onus is upon the self to drive self forward. This is pure will, and even the least disciplined animal possesses this. Motive is raison d'etre, and becomes the primary motivator when one realizes there is no reason.

Discipline is the art of using the unreasonable to propel yourself. You don't have time to be depressed. You don't have time to be weak. These mentalities are the symptom. The illness is a lack of motivation. Thus to become yourself unreasonable and attack anything that seeks to slow you.

The truth is sad. Much wants more. It will never be enough if you are using your prime motivator to chase things, or other people. Bodily and mental perfection exist in the absolute pursuit of self improvement at all costs. But the sick thing in this, is that those who pursue self improvement over all gain the most. It is because they understand that entropy wins whenever gains are not made.

Artfully stated "If you aren't improving you're losing."

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ButtyButtyButtButt t1_j2rf15g wrote

>Bodily and mental perfection exist in the absolute pursuit of self improvement at all costs

Sounds more like mental illness.

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mindseye1212 t1_j2prssp wrote

If you look at Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs on a societal level… we have come to a point where our basic needs have been met in 1st world countries to where we now have time to focus on mental & emotional health.

In the past, people were so busy with meeting their basic needs and in filling roles that communities depended on for literal survival that there wasn’t enough time for self actualization.

With the industrial revolution and the internet, we now have more time than ever to really take a look at ourselves.

I can’t help but wonder sometimes if for a lot of people “bad” can be replaced with “bored.” Please note, I’m a serious advocate for mental health. Just saying based on the above…

So yes… self improvement in this era is very important. Do the mental exercises necessary to build strength and become the best possible version of yourself.

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godofgutless t1_j2ppdd8 wrote

You can't get self motivation from a video or a book. It only comes from the self. Do you like yourself? If you don't you won't self motivate.

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truebluedetective t1_j2pqdrv wrote

Self improvement videos are generalized advice. Not necessarily a bad thing, but it’s things like: improve your physical fitness, improve your existing relationships, do things for others!

That’s all well and good but it’s not a universal fix. It doesn’t mean you’re broken. Do you take medicine? Some people are averse to that so I understand if you’re not interested but sometimes we can get into a rut chemically. Not suggesting it but it’s something you can think about. There are a lot of medicines that aren’t habit forming, it’s actually how I kick-started my way out of depression.

But everyone’s journey is different. I wish you the best. Activities, mental shift, medicine, or some combination of them all, I hope you find what you need.

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KS_HasRead t1_j2sk1nh wrote

I think what motivates me is defined goals rather than general platitudes about improvement As an example 'Get a better job' is meaningless and hollow. Versus 'finding a job that's more flexible on time would make me less stressed when I need to go pick up my ill toddler unexpectedly from daycare and not worry so much about not being able to come in the following day" makes it clear what the benefit is... the real motivation is. A lens that makes it clear how something helps you in a concrete way will always make you more motivated to keep it up or pursue it than some generalized goal with undefined benefits ... like 'a better' job.

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soloprox1 t1_j2pse02 wrote

Self improvement is masturbation. Do you. Fuck em if they can't take a joke

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JacketBeneficial3919 t1_j2ptmus wrote

Maintaining the self improvement journey can be challenging. My experience with poor mental health.see's me slide like you are describing. Once I hate myself again sufficiently, I tend to fall back on Gratitude, Empathy and Mindfulness. Starting a journal and recording 3 things I am grateful for daily. Being kind to others especially those I do not feel fondness toward. And taking time to forgive myself and understand. Like all things this to will pass. Take care.

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Ortus14 t1_j2q3toe wrote

If you pursue your goals directly, you will have to improve yourself to reach them (learn new skills, adapt physically, etc.)

The most important question is which goals are worth pursuing.

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Right_Comfortable175 t1_j2r1jm2 wrote

It comes down to the environment and if they also work on themselves

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Mysteroo t1_j2umhan wrote

>I've been on the self improvement journey for over 2 years now

My guy, self improvement is not a short exploratory venture. It's a lifelong struggle against the vices that rage against our human nature as people.

If you think 2 years could ever be enough to guarantee that you won't ever experience a momentary relapse into the life you knew before, you've been sold a lie.

What you're describing is a burst of motivation based on novelty. Now that it's gone, you aren't willing to put any effort in because you simply don't want it enough. The benefits don't seem worth the cost. When our mind sees a job that's harder than the reward appears to be worth, we feel tired. It's a physiological mechanism for saving energy. If that's what you're feeling - you need to evaluate why you want to improve in the first place. If you don't have a good reason and you don't care for it, it won't happen.

Lasting self-improvement does not come from frivolous feelings - but a foundational change in your beliefs about yourself, about life, and about what matters.

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