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Konmarty OP t1_j6cozio wrote

Reply to comment by Ortus14 in [Discussion] How to get into action without having a goal yet? by Konmarty

Well it was just an example but I guess in a way it's one of my goals, since all friends I had/have settled down and changed from 'apping daily' to 'seeing eachother once every 2 months'. I can be quite the loner and perfectly fine spending weeks without seeing anyone but I guess everyone likes having some people you feel comfortable around.But I'd think the best approach to that is 'doing things that appeal to you so you'll meet people with common interests' and then there I get kinda stuck again. (Like for example I'm very invested in pop music but I don't like big crowds so I don't enjoy concerts so that leaves... hanging around in record stores?? Well and online communities I guess but I have no lack of online people to discuss things with)

And going to things/activities in hopes of meeting people/making friends kinda reminds me of how as a teen/twentier I used to spend every night out hoping to find love, like it feels there's an element of desperation/wanting it too much to it when you're chasing it instead of letting things just happen organically? But then it's not like a lot happens organically when I spend all my time at home so I do feel I should find something I find worth spending time on out of the house..

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Ortus14 t1_j6h80wh wrote

No pain no gain.

As far as reeking of desperation, that can be fixed by practicing non attachment to outcome and focusing on the process.

So instead of telling yourself, I'm going to make a friend, you tell yourself I'm going to introduce myself to three groups of people, and if we vibe I'll exchange contact info and suggest we all hang out. They could completely ignore you, but you should consider that a success, and maybe even reward yourself for doing it.

Then you try a different approach, maybe work on your vibe, your style, your fitness, your grooming, or where you choose to go, then try again. But again the success is that you did the experiment, not weather it worked or not. Because either way you got new experiences and data, that will help you in the future.

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Konmarty OP t1_j6h8ywf wrote

That's probably a good approach yes. (Though obviously it would still help if I just go do things I enjoy in the first place so any outcome is secondary. But there's a bit of a conflict of interest there cause I don't really enjoy social interaction and all of my hobby's are quite solitary too)

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Ortus14 t1_j6hdw3z wrote

Exactly. You aren't likely to make friends if you don't push yourself out of your comfort zone.

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