Submitted by Sbinmaster69 t3_106iqjr in GetMotivated

Normally I don't do this because I hate typing a lot, but here we go this is gonna be a bit long so tighten your seat-belts, but please read this if you want to change,

So 6 months ago I was just desperate, sad, lonely, and with a crippling porn addiction { Had 3 Terabytes of porn in a bunch of hard drives, and now this is a man with issues lol} sitting on my balcony, my neighbor saw me and told me if I was okay, I said yeah, he invited me to his house to hang out, now my socially anxious mind just got scared but I also was scared of saying no,

So I went there we started talking about random stuff and my social anxiety did allow me to have a normal natural conversation, he noticed it and offered me some help, I said why not, and I don't know what happened to me, I just broke down and started ranting about how miserable my life was, he gave a copy of Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, just told me to go back to my house sit, take a journal and write about the perfect life in my opinion, how I can achieve it and what things I wish to change in my life right now to attain that dream life,

So I am sitting on my balcony, thinking and thinking writing and reading, and I filled 17 pages with just like that, and I noticed my problems weren't even that serious and easy to solve, 'there are people with life-threatening diseases living a better life than me' I said to myself.

I did some research regarding my problems and worked on them, and are some solutions that I chose to actually implement in my life,

Lesson 1:

Memento Mori or in simple terms, remember that you will die but before you die you must learn to live, it's never too late, try to get the best out of every moment possible, you never know what will happen you could get hit by a car while walking on the sidewalk or your building could collapse, anything could happen anytime, so before you go, go out with a bang.

Lesson 2:

Stop chasing people, and stop trying to please people, now this doesn't mean asking your grumpy boss to fuck off, but people who don't hold huge value in your career as toxic friends, toxic relationships, and toxic parents.

Lesson 3:

Don't be afraid of being lonely or being alone, AND TRUST ME ON THIS AS A FORMER LONER, now I just wish I had some alone time, constantly getting calls from friends wanting to hangout or party, use that alone time for some good, for from research for some brainstorming, for something productive towards you future life, or making money.

Lesson 4:

For those desperate for a girlfriend or a boyfriend, if you aren't happy single you won't be happy in a relationship, you see all these romantic novels and movies portraying a perfect couple and then your monkey brain just falls in love with the concept of relationship, well news flash it ain't that easy, mostly in a relationship you don't have to deal with problems of your own but their problems as well and if they are toxic them boy oh boy your life is gonna be worse than it was before the relationship, so my best advice is to learn to love yourself first then love someone else who is deserving of you love.

Lesson 5:

This one is for the confused people in their 20s, I'm a strong believer in that there is no such thing as Passion and it's more about acquiring a skill base, Little warren, little bill or little jeff never grew up thinking they will be trading stock, sell computer OS or do eCommerce, they acquired skills, warren buffet learned to trade stocks, bill gates learned to code, jeff Bezos started a small book store and they found that interesting continued it and now they are billionaires, it's all about acquiring skills, trial and error and then going forth with what you find interesting.

Lesson 6:

This one is for my porn addict homeboys, as a former porn addict, I now hate porn, it just not only deteriorates your brain, it just teaches you to see women as sex objects, women are humans too they have emotions and feelings too, your mom your sister your daughter they are women too, and it's not as easy as seeing a woman, choking her, rubbing her nether regions and viola you have sex, THATS RAPE, get out of it, do you realize how stupid that is, no wonder you struggle gettinng a girlfriend, porn has deterioated your mind to such a level you don't even know how to talk to a lady or treat her, my best advice for porn addiciton is don't ever have the mentality of "I'm never gonna watch porn again" this never works, instead have the mentality of waking up everyday and going "I'm not gonna watch porn today", and try this for a week, then two weeks, then a month and its a slow process, it'll take time to build enough will power, but it works and don't beat yourself up on relapsing, it's just the part of the process, there is always failure before great success.

Lesson 7:

For people struggling to lose weight, first of all, it's a long process, it takes but I'm assuming if you've read till here then you are patient enough, some personal opinions I have regarding weight is first you don't need to count your calories or do the hardest or most explosive exercises, your body is smart enough it knows how much it needs, eat to the point where your brain says I guess this much is enough, don't go over that, and just take a walk go for a walk in the morning to feel fresh or for the nyctophiles go for a walk in the cold night for some peace, it's all up to you and the choices you make, do some research lookup for a routine that suits you and follow it, it's not that hard.

Lesson 8:

If you struggle with mental health issues and don't have the necessary resources to visit a therapist, you know who is the second best therapist, your brain, the reason for all your problems can also be the best therapist you could get, after you wake up in the morning, remember to practice gratitude "I'm grateful for this life, I'm grateful I'm alive, such a beautiful day to be alive", and then meditate, observe your brains thoughts don't interrupt them or judge them, just observe, trust me this will really help to lighten up and see what are the trigger points, try to talk to your brain, I know at first it will seem stupid but this stuff really works and also practice daily affirmations.

Lesson 9:

Learn to thank your ego and accept your mistakes, let me explain, most of the time in our life we make mistakes, we are humans, but then we start putting the blame on others, now this is our ego acting up, it is protecting us from getting hurt, but instead, learn to accept the fault, it doesn't matter, taking accountability doesn't make you any smaller of a person, it just goes on to show how big your heart is and you are willing to learn from your mistakes.

Lesson 10:

You are not scared to talk to the opposite gender, you just lack social abilities in general, if you want to learn to be good at small on talk on your dates or anything, exposure therapy is the best solution to that, try to talk to strangers in general, irrespective of their gender, their social position or who they are, here's an inside story I went to an exotic car meet last month, I had a mentality that most people there will rich entitled egotistic douches, but I was the douche to judge beforehand, I talked to so many down to earth, humble and nicest people there made some new rich friends as well lol. So just try to socialize and talk, don't judge or be afraid of being judged {Remember Lesson 1}

Lesson 11:

No matter at what point you are in life, college kid, employee, employer, or retired, learn how to budget and spend your money wisely, now this doesn't mean stop enjoying or going on vacation but have a specific amount of money dedicated to that, have a specific amount dedicated to everything groceries, gym, dates, vehicle maintenance, etc, and try to save and invest as much as possible, budgeting is important and it's never too late to learn it.

Lesson 12:

Social Media is stupid and fake, so let me be brutally honest with all of you guys all everything you see on social media is just made to make you feel small and insecure about your life, you see people putting on filters, showing the perfect life, clubbing, traveling and eating at expensive restaurants, well guess what you can do that too if you stop looking at those social media posts, envying them and working towards getting that life and the biggest thing is you just see the good stuff in their lives but you never see what those people are actually going through, what those people are mentally dealing with, let me share an inside story, I had a childhood friend, she used to do TikTok dances and had 570k followers on the platform, she started hanging out big influencer friends, travel in superyachts, go to the most expensive restaurants, but last year she was literally about to commit su*cide, because her boyfriend cheated on her twice and then gaslighted her for not being a good partner and dumped her, but none of the people who follow her extravagant life know this, they just envy her amazing life.

Lesson 13:

You are not ugly, you just haven't reached your genetic potential, no one is actually ugly, so stop thinking that you're ugly, fix your posture, fix your routine, eat healthy because you are what you eat, go to the gym or go for a run, have skin problems go to a dermatologist, personally, I won't suggest taking medical advice from any skin subreddit, because different people have different skin types and different medicines work differently on different skins, improve you dressing sense your dad's sweatshirt than you call oversized won't make the cut, wear something good fitting, get a hair cut, shave if you have a good jawline and walk with your head held up high with pride, that's the biggest sign of a confident person, and voila you are the most attractive person to step on this earth.

Biggest Lesson:

There is no problem in your life that other people haven't been through, just Reddit the problem you are going through like "Why do I lack confidence Reddit, Why am I single Reddit, Why am I fat Reddit", anything and trust me you will have the solution to all your problems with Reddit. If you love Reddit use it to fix your life problems, take advantage of this platform instead of going to NSFW subs.

Some other things and teachings that are not as important, but I incorporated into my life:

1) Learn how to cook, do it as a hobby, it's really fun.

2) Read at least 30 pages of a book before going to sleep.

3) Learn to play a musical instrument, I might be biased but I have been playing guitar for the past 8 years, and trust me these musical instruments really get you through some tough times.

4) Journal daily about how your day went, whether is there something new you learned today, what you will do tomorrow and how far have you improved to achieve your goal.

5) Learn a new small skill and dedicate a proper whole month to it.

6) Try to attend more and more social events, and network as much as possible.

7) Spend more time with friends and family and try to open up more to them and share about your problems, your mental health, and stuff.

8) It's never too late to start, no matter how old you are, and the more I procrastinate about it the later it will get.

I hope this helps you out, if I was even able to impact anyone's life even just a little bit and guide them on the right path, my life will be complete.

If you have any doubts, any problems, or just anything in general, feel free to DM me.

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Comments

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Nijverdal t1_j3h3u0w wrote

I want to add something to your post.

Do some voluntarily work from time to time, that's really needed, and the gratitude you get is so rewarding ❤️

I am a volunteer at some running events (when I don't run them myself) and it's just so much fun! Helping eachother out when setting up the things, then seeing the happy runners going by, and then cleaning everything up and (sometimes) go get dinner with eachother and tell great stories 😊

It can make your whole week better 👍

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Jedi-Guy t1_j3hiqsg wrote

I love and appreciate your advice! Please don't let the "your advice is wrong, most things are part of my victim identity" whining on here incense you. You're being positive and sharing your story and insight: I can't tell you how much I appreciate it 🙏

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ThatNorCalGaymer t1_j3gubir wrote

Honestly, this needs to be pinned to the sub or at least become the most upvoted post on the sub

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Next-Masterpiece-231 t1_j3iqg0m wrote

This is beautiful thank you so much. I felt a lot of love reading it and send that all your way! ❣️

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ice_prince t1_j3kms7j wrote

How old are you for context?

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Jimwdc t1_j3h7poe wrote

You’re comment about being afraid to date someone I think can often happen if you view that partner as a sex object or want them too badly, like everything in your life is riding on this one date. Instead, connect with their mind and pretend it’s the last time you’ll ever see them, and forget about your desires.

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BlackEyedSceva t1_j3j1ajj wrote

Thank you. I saved this post. I needed to be told a lot of these things.

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Gyoza-shishou t1_j3jrw4q wrote

I'm sure schizophrenics really appreciate lesson 8 lol

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Gyoza-shishou t1_j3jrzc9 wrote

I'm sure schizophrenics really appreciate lesson 8 lol

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Doggosnotfroggos t1_j3gxcft wrote

I’m glad this worked for you but honestly some of this is just plain wrong. I hate it when I see advice like you can’t be happy in a relationship if you can’t be happy alone because its completely nonsensical. Humans are social animals and being alone for prolonged amounts of time isn’t normal or healthy. People absolutely can be miserable alone and much happier in a relationship. Sure if you can’t be five minutes on your own you have problems but otherwise advice that says stuff that means you have to be at this special level in your life (love yourself, happy alone) before you should be in a relationship is really toxic imo and makes people think they aren’t good enough to have a partner.

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Jimwdc t1_j3h6sji wrote

I get what you’re saying. I interpret what OP is saying is that you bring your emotional baggage with you into a relationship so that if you’re generally a shitty person alone then having a partner isn’t going to make you any better unless the relationship makes you want to change, and you can genuinely do it.

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BestKeptInTheDark t1_j3idvxy wrote

Silly put in this Adam handler sketch on a more recent snl https://youtu.be/TbwlC2B-BIg

The travel agent. Say there is a lot a vacation can do, but not change how yo are in group settings... Make you comfortable in a bagbb suit or change why you drnk...

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GroovyNoob t1_j3ix6k8 wrote

I get where you’re coming from. Our need for companionship and love is very strong. That said;

Yes, if you are an otherwise balanced person with a good social, fulfilling hobbies, et cetera, then getting in a relationship with another person on your level probably will make you happier.

But that is not the kind of person OP is addressing.

If you are anxious, disconnected, depressed, et cetera, and despite having no friends or social ability feel the NEED to have a romantic relationship, you need to slow down. Your lack of self-worth is creating a huge vulnerability. You think a partner is going to fix you, cure you, validate you, but they won’t. It’s a lie your monkey brain tells you in an effort to pass your genes on. Most likely, your partner will either have your same baggage and the two of you will wear each other out trying to get the validation you can’t give, or they will exploit your weaknesses for their own gain, emotionally sucking you dry for their own ego.

Or both. I’ve seen partners who do both.

Point is, I suggest you listen to OP. Learn to enjoy the company of others without needing their validation, and when the right person comes along, you will be ready for them. And in the meanwhile, you’ll have friends and interests to keep you from suffering.

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Doggosnotfroggos t1_j3yote8 wrote

I don’t need to listen to OP. I’m perfectly happy in my relationship, and think they’re talking harmful bollocks.

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GroovyNoob t1_j428n2q wrote

So, just to be clear, you were anxious and depressed, and then you got into a relationship and it fixed everything for you?

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Doggosnotfroggos t1_j45i5zm wrote

I mean yeah? Living a life alone is hard and sad. It’s not such a radical concept. 15, 20 years ago it was normal to be in a relationship and if you weren’t you were an anomaly and and it was accepted it was a shitty situation to be in. This new attitude is overthinking things and is emotional gaslighting in my opinion. Get the relationship, if you’re still sad and depressed go see someone but don’t try and treat situational symptoms without trying to fix the situation. It’s madness.

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GroovyNoob t1_j46ye7k wrote

Living life alone IS hard and sad, and most of us do long for romantic companionship. And I agree that sometimes, all that’s wrong is that you’re lonely. I don’t, however, think that’s the majority of cases.

Why? Because people who are emotionally secure, socially interested, and intellectually involved are in a perfect position to find a partner (much like you did, in fact!) This post is not written for people who are just in the normal transitory state between growing up and finding a partner. This post is intended for people for whom relationships do not come, or do not work.

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