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Turbogato t1_j3q66y3 wrote

This. My brother always wants me to hang out with him, but every time, no matter where we are at, he is constantly insulting me in front of strangers.

I tried to bring it up to him but he always tells me “get over it p*#!* it’s just a joke.”

Once he started insulting me and my therapy sessions I had to block him.


Deezus1229 t1_j3raeut wrote

My sister is like this too. She doesn't beg me to hang out but I'm the first person she'll reach out to when she needs something. And then insult me and cut me down in front of friends and family the first chance she gets.

I'm about to move 5 hours away and regret nothing about it.


VanillaBryce5 t1_j3rzv70 wrote

I moved 5 hours away from my family for similar reasons, and my life so much better then I could have ever imagined. Good luck on your new adventures! Hopefully you find some new tasty places to eat!


Deezus1229 t1_j3u524s wrote

I'm moving to Austin with my (almost) husband 4 days after the wedding, I hear there's no shortage of good food!


paulohbear t1_j3v3iuy wrote

My 6 siblings and I quite unintentionally distributed ourselves just about as far apart as possible. LA, Seattle, North ID, Chicago, Denver, Virginia. I think it was subconscious. We get along a lot better theses days, but we mostly converse via group text. One brother keeps trying to proselytize, and we keep having to shut him down.


Cash907 t1_j3rduqr wrote

Or you could just give back what he was dishing? Confront him on the real reason he does it directly instead of asking your therapist to make a best guess. Recently both my parents suffered a medical setback, and I’ve tried to be there as much as I can but they live in another state. My sibling, who rarely talks to them, started texting and occasionally dishes on me for not being there more. Instead of letting it sit, I called her directly to advise her my job and family don’t allow me to be there 24/7 and asked why she, someone who is unemployed with no kids in the house, hasn’t been there once since this issue started. That shut her up fast and she hasn’t brought it up once.

Facing adversity is not only part of adulting, it’s how you strengthen personal resolve. Hiding from it, while the easier immediate solution, only sets you up for failure when things you can’t hide from come into your life.


Sergnb t1_j3ryt30 wrote

Or he could not engage in shit behavior just because someone else is? Why should he HAVE to bother doing something he actively detests just to posture? It’s perfectly fine to not want to deal with any of that, and he’s not responsible for it happening towards him either.


Turbogato t1_j3sj1mw wrote

This point. I choose not to engage and fire back. I’m too old for that. I’d just rather stay away.

It isn’t running away, it is choosing not to surround myself with individuals who only try to put you down to make themselves feel better.


cherrybounce t1_j3sk8yk wrote

I tried to bring it up to him but he always tells me "get over it p#!* it's just a joke!*

Sometimes confronting bullies doesn’t work. They simply won’t acknowledge their behavior is wrong. It’s often the best decision to refuse to engage.


8bitbebop4 t1_j3si7ha wrote

Seriously. If you say you're offended and it doesn't change, then maybe just stop talking to me.


GroinShotz t1_j3rb0y0 wrote

For some reason... That random, redundant "watermark" triggers the heck out of me.


daworstredditor t1_j3rlexy wrote

I feel like this guy looks at himself in the mirror when he jerks off, and doesn't even believe half the stuff he tweets. He just does it for the use engagement.


AraLonely t1_j3s7dwq wrote

Same, we watermarking tweets now?

It doesn't even make sense because I'd just type out the tweet instead of cropping out the picture.


Lie2gether t1_j3rv5ei wrote

Isn't this the majority of our parents?


Rounder057 t1_j3rt6zn wrote

We teach people how to treat us


kippypapa t1_j3sda9h wrote

Can be the case. Some people no matter what just expect that they can treat others shittily. You can’t teach those people anything. That’s where the quote above comes in.


AbeLincoln30 t1_j3stq9m wrote

Sorry but I hate this slogan. Like the other commenter said, bullies are bullies on their own... not because the victim somehow taught them to act like that.

And it's not the victim's responsibility to teach a bully to stop being a bully, either.

Usually the only solution to a toxic person is to get the f away from them


Iron_Baron t1_j3rid10 wrote

Especially if they're family. You aren't chained to abusers just because they share your DNA.


krsweet t1_j3rhmsw wrote

Distance yourself from people who are constantly triggered. It’s a never ending vortex of victim-hood.


BMazeing t1_j3t8iy2 wrote

I've done this and it's both vastly improved my life and given me more hope for humanity in general. I was concerned that most people my age fell into this pattern of thinking, but someone recently helped me see differently. It turns out that people who constantly throw blame and trigger warnings around are fairly emotionally abusive and toxic, as they expect me to conform to their often illogical whims. Obviously there is nuance here, and it's not ok to just be an asshole and agitate reasonable people. But plenty of people just get angry over reasonable differences on subjective issues and then attack others in the name of "kindness". Best to cut them out.


Brain-of-Sugar t1_j3rdyqt wrote

Very true. I can't tell you how nice it is to not have someone in your life who sets you on edge.

I had to live with a narcissistic sister most of my life, and when she finally moved out it was freeing. I can finally do things without worrying about her listening in on conversations, I can finally sleep at night without hearing her stupid shows blasting through the walls (no headphones at 11pm, sometimes 1am), I can finally have voice calls, I can finally sit at my computer and not hear her screaming at her finace/now husband about how she's mad at him but not for what.

It's so nice to just not be around toxic people and you don't realize that until you get away from them.


ZerngCaith t1_j3r5muo wrote

It never is a dull day opening the comments and seeing some people completely miss the point.


AraLonely t1_j3s7jhd wrote

I just wanna nitpick about the "watermark" tbh. Advice is fine, I guess.


ZerngCaith t1_j3skukd wrote

I had not seen the watermark. So we are bookmarking tweets now 😂


Betelguese13 t1_j3rt62v wrote

This is my mother. Doesn't matter what it is. She likes to infect others with her toxicity.


theleftbuttcheek t1_j3rv596 wrote

Cut my brother out of my life 2 years ago. I haven’t had a suicidal thought since.


[deleted] t1_j3saklj wrote

Distance yourself from people that can’t tolerate completely normal behavior and expect you to adjust to their issues.


Ok_Artist_3293 t1_j3qg3ks wrote

Disagree. If we have issues, we’re the ones who are supposed to work on them, not shut down the entire world and make people act differently.


xask9 t1_j3qq6cx wrote

And how are we supposed to heal if someone keeps picking at the scab. The advice is to distance yourself not shutting down the world or demanding people act differently.


Daloowee t1_j3rfbra wrote

Found the guy who disrespects boundaries


[deleted] t1_j3ttqh9 wrote

If you can’t have reasonable normal person boundaries, that’s a you problem.

I’m not reinventing how I deal with the entire world just for you. And if you expect me to, you’re the problem. Not me.

It all depends on the nature of the “boundary”. If it’s “hey can you knock before you enter the bathroom, it’s kinda weird” that’s obviously a fairly normal request.

If it’s a “hey, I can’t stand it when people ask me about my day” or “hey, I’d prefer it if you didn’t wear the color blue around me” or “hey, I want to be able to choose every ounce of food that we consume when we’re together, forever”, those are pretty abnormal boundaries, and expecting everyone else to conform to them is pretty entitled behavior.

Basically, if you expect me to have to maintain a list of rules in my head for how I should behave that are solely applicable to you, you should get that checked out because you’re absolutely batshit crazy if you think that’s ok.

And before you start the tired old argument of “it’s easy, why not just do it”, it’s not easy to manage each person’s requirements. It’s easy for you because I have to do the work. And expecting everyone you interact with to have to adapt to you is a trash person’s perspective.


simple-silence t1_j3rw9op wrote

Distancing from one person who is toxic is not the same as shutting the entire world down or asking people to act differently. In fact choosing to distance from someone is respecting the fact the people have the right to remain the same and that you have the right to leave.


RigidPixel t1_j3roump wrote

I think there’s a very big difference, there’s asking the world to bend to you to protect you and that’s one thing. asking someone that repeatedly disrespects your boundaries and dismisses you entirely when you repeat these boundaries is another and they’re called assholes.


thricetheory t1_j3rcavw wrote

So all wounds are just "issues" that we gotta suck it up and deal with? and if those closest to us don't show support/empathy/encouragement etc then I should just say "oh well" and keep spending energy on these people? hard disagree on that one


RaisinNotNice t1_j3redwp wrote

Avoid bad thing!

Post me on getmotivated rn


Thulamir t1_j3revqq wrote

Being willing to adjust our behavior or atleast acknowledge how our words or actions have an impact on those around us shows how self-aware and caring we can be. In a romantic relationship, the willingness to see how we are impacted and impact our partners along with the desire to build connection rather than preserve ourselves is the foundation of strong and deep relationship.


SKlLLZ t1_j3q9y56 wrote

That is easier said than done.


xcryptokidx t1_j3te6xi wrote

What if I married them..?? sad laugh


areskz t1_j3v3dnw wrote

Exactly my question... And sad thing is I realize we both can be that toxic person at different times. We gonna try to solve it ourselves a few more times I guess, but maybe it is time to try family therapist services, I don't know...


AhsokaTheGrey t1_j3tesrd wrote

Tried that, now I'm a hermit with no friends


tdloader t1_j3ru3up wrote

long winded way to say "get rid of your toxic friends"


SKlLLZ t1_j3qf4zf wrote

Ok you are absolutely correct.


zebrahdh t1_j3rgr9r wrote

Underline an important word with a watermark and guarantee I dont read it.


CompoundT t1_j3rm6br wrote

So r/nofamily it is


tonygetz1 t1_j3rwx0c wrote

Father has been "that Guy" for 61 years.Have not spoken to him in last 4.


Nealaf t1_j3s0mzv wrote

Fuck yeah


KeyCar367 t1_j3s8s3g wrote

This would fit in with r/estrangedadultchild


DoctorOsmium t1_j3se0k2 wrote

This is weak and not motivating


Rumi_Champ t1_j3sedbw wrote

Or just don’t even request for different behavior and distance yourself anyway.


CrinkleLord t1_j3senqw wrote

It's also a great idea to get people out of your life who are constantly whining that they are offended by everything.

The spectrum is pretty wide.


becomethemountain t1_j3sjzh8 wrote

I’m going through such a hard time right now and it seems that no one around me cares. There’s zero room for mistakes in my family. They only want me around to see my baby.


SmartAssaholic t1_j3skh4b wrote

Face your demons head on and with vigor! Kick ass and know that you will triumph thru the dark & emerge into the light of a strong new day victorious!


DudleskBerg t1_j3sl78n wrote

wish it was easier to do honestly.

my gf is this most of the time.


Raven_Strange t1_j3slakl wrote

Boundaries aren't about telling someone what actions they're doing that upset you and requesting they stop, it's trying them what you're going to do if they don't.

Take the power away from them. Toxic people don't care if they're toxic as long as you stick around to be their target. They won't stop or change. What you need to do is explain to them that you'll have to end your relationship with them if they continue.


TheJimness t1_j3suu4h wrote

Yes, please. If the way I act, or think, or talk, bothers you, please go away. Don't expect me to change my attitude or behaviors to suit your attitude and beliefs.


mothzilla t1_j3t0ick wrote

Cool but those people pay me and do my yearly reviews.


[deleted] t1_j3tb9c3 wrote

Saying bye to toxic people is the best decision always


Rapwithbeat t1_j3td4xq wrote

I love this. Too many times people with triggers are told they’re responsible to stop the trigger whilst no one blames those causing the trigger when they know of the affect it has on the person. It’s everyone job to try to help each other and make life a little easier for one and other if we can. Everyone has hidden battles and if we can help them, why wouldn’t we?


princess_podracer t1_j3texqi wrote

Worth considering: There’s a difference between someone maliciously triggering you to inflict further trauma and those who unintentionally trigger painful memories.

These decisions require nuanced thought about the specific trigger and the reasonableness of the request given the person’s relationship to said person, rate of occurrence of said behavior in the general population, etc.


OFisGingerlyy t1_j3u65op wrote

👏 Say it louder for the people in the back! Ignore the “blood is thicker than water” saying. Sometimes it is best to distance yourself from family/friends who are dragging you down. #declutter #trimthefat #growth #positivity #positive vibes #positiveenergy #mindset #relationships


UzoicTondo t1_j3upeal wrote

Lmao, this is such an overused, generic sentiment, and this rando guy is trying to watermark it with his twitter name. It's so pathetic.


goforchamp t1_j3uslte wrote

I feel like “triggers” is supposed to mean something else


Historical-Salad6033 t1_j3v6yqo wrote

Your triggers are YOUR issue. Stop projecting your shit onto other people. It’s fucking narcissistic


Holtcrib t1_j3s5qrc wrote

YOU are responsible for your own triggers. NEVER Expect people to tip-toe around you. Especially people who don’t know you.


vicki_chicki t1_j3sf2jx wrote

What about the words “constantly” and “dismiss your requests (plural, as in you’ve made this request to them before) for different behaviour” makes you think this is about people who don’t know you?


JohnSingapore t1_j3sph17 wrote

Yeah, I wanna get this off my chest. I know this guy and he’s into conspiracy theories and all this bull crap. I just cannot listen to him anymore. Just constantly talking about how the world is wrong. I had some kind of breakthrough last time I met him where I just repeatedly told him to shut up right in front of people. I couldn’t stop myself, it was so gratifying making the noise stop but I didn’t like having to be so rough on him. I feel like he’s void of meaning. He’s just everything I don’t want to be. Unable to keep quiet, can’t stop smoking weed, can’t hold a job, carries grudges, won’t accept help, argues he has to learn everything from scratch, says the government “tricked” him, speaks in absolutisms, blames everybody else, says he won’t work hard because he deserves to teleport right to the goal, looks like a hobo and urinates in the street. Devoid of class, can’t find a reason, man. But some of his friends are my friends and I just gotta elevate myself in his presence.


PirateoftheNorth t1_j3rfv3w wrote

I needed to hear this today! Thank you for posting.


Nanaremilamina t1_j3s49z9 wrote

If you use the word "trigger" seriously in conversation then I'll distance myself very very very far away from you.


Sunny-Shinie t1_j3sn9xb wrote

Aren’t they doing me any good by triggering me? If it hurts it’s on me. It’s my wound, not their actions that hurt. I should have been grateful for being triggered as it is the only way to heal. The only question left is - do I really want that?..


egotisticalstoic t1_j3uaki1 wrote

Am I the asshole for disagreeing?

We live in a shared world, where we can't expect everyone to behave in a way we would like.

I say don't expect other people to live around you. Live and let live.


billstrash t1_j3rr589 wrote

Distance yourself from people that use the word trigger in a sentence not involving paint sprayers or guns.


GoodkallA t1_j3shmns wrote

I try to distance myself from people who have triggers. I don't want to tiptoes through life never knowing if me telling someone about my wife redecorating the kitchen is going to trigger a PTSD response because some guys uncle touched him in the kitchen 30 years ago.


ThisSorrowfulLife t1_j3r3ost wrote

No. You are responsible for your own triggers. If you can't deal with it, walk away. Other people are not to blame for your issues.


Omnithea t1_j3rhzuj wrote

"Walk away" is the distance the image is referring to.


[deleted] t1_j3rixew wrote



Omnithea t1_j3rjsn0 wrote

So he gave other people a chance to modify their behavior.


[deleted] t1_j3rl2x9 wrote



Desertscape t1_j3rvd8h wrote

I don't think most people have read this post more than once, so I'm not sure what the plural is supposed to mean, but if someone is hurting you, it's good to express your feelings, as they may not be aware how much they're hurting you. People have done so to me at least a couple times in my life, and I'm very glad they did. It can also be hard to walk away, as it can break an important relationship which you may hold hope can still be salvaged. Someyimes it takes a third party saying "this isn't working out for you" to give you the confidence to do what's best for yourself.

I don't see how this could be bad advice. Is it the word "trigger" you don't like? I know it has the unfortunate connotation of people who make their feelings others' problems.


Tahoeclown t1_j3rmwsb wrote

Aka “never be around anyone who challenges or brings you out if your bubble”


Dry_Junket_3430 t1_j3r07y4 wrote

But shes my mom……. I’d be a dick if I just abandoned her


FiascoFinn t1_j3rct8a wrote

There’s another post on this exact sub discrediting this as an idea. If someone’s acting inappropriately, that’s that. Their relationship with you is absolutely no excuse for them to act that way, and being related to someone does not mean we’re obliged to take abuse from them.

Not sure of your living situation but once a person gets some regular distance from their family, it’s easier to view them for who they are as people (for better or worse!).