Man, this hits so hard, because it’s true. The times I’ve been most depressed I’m the same way. When I was stuck in that hole, I would do similar things as I didn’t want those around me to know how sad and lonely I was. Loneliness is one of the worst experiences a human can have. I’d make everyone else laugh but I could experience no happiness. Glad those days are behind me. If this happens to you please tell your people so they can help you.