You Will Lose Everything You Love [Discussion]

Submitted by TreatThompson t3_10ztx00 in GetMotivated

Sometimes it feels like we have forever to do what we enjoy and be with the people we love.

It feels so comfortable to live under the illusion of permanence and security.

In reality, everything slips through our fingers. So we should cherish every moment while we can.

Everything is Fleeting

I used to go to a cottage every summer with my cousin, Aunt, and Uncle. When we went for the last time, I never knew that would be the last time.

When I was 12, I moved to a city further away from my best friends. When I saw them for the last time, I never knew it would be for the last time.

Fortunately, I haven’t lost a loved one yet. But when I do, I’m sure it will be hard to believe that my last time being with them was the last time ever.

Of all the time you will ever spend with your parents, 90% of it will most likely be used up by age 25. You will go from seeing them almost every day to just a couple of times per year until the end of their time.

This is all to say that even the moments that consistently occur right now are precious. There’ll come a day when I desperately wish for the things I’m used to now.

Every Super Bowl I watch with my Dad is a gem. Every time my friends and I get together to play poker is special. I treasure every morning that my dog wakes me up.

So What?

Understanding the finality of everything helps me enjoy life's moments to the max. It’s hard to neglect times that you know won’t last forever.

I like to ask what ideas or plans do you have or use to deal with this fact?

Besides hoping for technology that extends our lives to 200 years, I think there are things we can do that are within our control.

A major one is to live in the same area as the people you love the most. I’ll spend way more time with friends and family that I live in the same city with.

Another is to act on my priorities. Not seeing someone or experiencing something doesn't matter if you don't care about it to begin with. But if it bothers you that you only see your parents four times a year, then you should make that a priority and act on it.

One more is to make sure your time spent on something or with someone is quality time. Whether you’re out for dinner with family or playing tennis with friends, treat that moment how it deserves to be treated: like something precious.

***

This post was from my newsletter

I share ideas from great thinkers so we can stand on the shoulders of giants, instead of figuring life out on our own

123

Comments

You must log in or register to comment.

ricardo9505 t1_j853gcj wrote

I feel like I'm reading a Buddhist fortune cookie without the filler. Good insight.

27

TreatThompson OP t1_j853nf3 wrote

Hahah never heard it put like that before but I love it!

Glad it resonated with you 😄 thanks for letting me know

6

TreatThompson OP t1_j852x3f wrote

It’s crazy to think that things in life are so finite you can count them

Let’s say you’re 30 years old right now and you live a long life of 90 years:

- If you live in a temperate zone, like Canada, you only have 60 more summers to enjoy. If you put all those summers in a row, that's 15 straight years of summer. Imagine turning 15 and never getting to enjoy another summer ever again.

- If you read four books a year, that leaves you with 240 to read for the rest of your life. Right now, it feels like you can read all the books you want in the world. But nope, you only get 240. If you picked one a day, you could finish a lifetime booklist this year.

- If you go to an NBA game every three years, that leaves you with 20 more for the rest of your life. That’s about 45 hours, which is one workweek for a lot of people.

22

waterinhere2 t1_j85dgt6 wrote

Why do you care about this? Just let life takes its course

When you to a cinema, do you count the seconds or scenes? No you just let the show carry on however it pleases

Why are some experiences better than others? They are just experiences to be enjoyed, even pain can be enjoyed, life with its up and downs

18

Equivalent-Light-396 t1_j85f9ex wrote

I think you’re missing OPs point. Awareness of scarcity breeds gratitude.

Gratitude is the most powerful human emotion. It literally rewires our brains.

It’s not that any one experience is better than another it’s that all are limited and deserving of our attention, mindfulness, and gratitude in each moment.

25

waterinhere2 t1_j85fjpk wrote

It also breeds fear

Ahh i do heavily agree tho, gratitude is extremely important

I believe balance is the word here

13

Equivalent-Light-396 t1_j85ftdg wrote

The fear dissipates when you face it head on, at least it did for me.

I don’t have anything to fear anymore. I know I can be present and face hard things no matter what comes my way.

All of my greatest fears have become my greatest gifts and strengths

Edit: facing fears doesn’t mean no longer experiencing fear as an emotion. Emotions occur for a reason, they help protect us. Facing fears mean recognizing when an emotion is giving you helpful feedback and you should heed it versus an emotion that is helpful but not under the current context.

For example, climate change has always been one of my biggest fears and though it is real, I don’t need to live and inhabit the space of that fear. I can say “thank you body for informing me this threat is existential, I will do what I can, but I am also letting this emotion go”.

As opposed to, “I am on the edge of a cliff and am afraid I will fall off” facing that fear doesn’t mean walking up to the ledge. It means sitting down, telling your body “we are safe and yes, it is very high so we will be cautious while up here but we are in control and we can let the fear go”

3

waterinhere2 t1_j85g0vz wrote

Wow ok do you have some advice for me to become the same?

2

Equivalent-Light-396 t1_j85i30y wrote

I have done a lot of theology study searching for commonalities in the major religions, but I think there are other ways to like find and internalize this truth (meditation helps some people, time in nature others, psilocybin too for some).

I’ll share a dream though and maybe just ponder it a bit.

From the age of 19-25, I was dead set on not having kids. I was terrified that climate change would intensify in my life (it probably will) and that I may bear witness to supply chain collapse, war, famine, some really scary stuff. Even after I got married and created a beautiful life in a beautiful place, this fear plagued me.

One night, I had a dream. I was in my favorite part of the forest and as I laid in the moss to watch the trees, I was devoured whole.

I sank deeper and deeper past the roots of the trees into some utter darkness where I was presented with two doors.

Both doors contained imagery of my beautiful forest but one showed the forest burning, the other at the height of summer and the monsoons - filled with life, bursting at the seams.

As I approached each door, I reached out to touch the door. The door with fire contained immense human suffering. I saw flashes of war, murder, ra*e, death, wildfire, floods, and utter destruction. The other door when I touched it showed me birth, flowers blooming in spring, children laughing, family events, community, love, and love, and love.

I was then pulled back from the doors and a booming voice came down that said “you have a choice”

And then I woke up.

So the tl;dr is despair and fear and gratitude and joy are part of the duality of life. All are necessary, but we get to choose where we live.

Zen master Thich Nhat Hahn has a book where he talks about trying to save thousands of lives during the Vietnam War and he credits his ability to think clearly and face those difficult situations with courage - to being able to calm himself, practice gratitude and mindfulness for the opportunity - as difficult as it may be - given to him by the hardship.

The doors are always there for us to choose. The only choice we have is which choice we make.

And for those curious, I changed my mind on kids. 💕

2

waterinhere2 t1_j85ljv7 wrote

Congrats on the kids part 👏❤️

As for Climate change, I personally believe it isnt as bad people make it to be, there is a lot of fearmongering behind it

I believe human population will decrease in the future and perhaps a scientific breakthrough or more of a conservation effort and success

It will solve itself i believe

As for me, i do would want to have kids but damn if my kids would go through what ive been thrugh, id rather they not be lol

−2

Equivalent-Light-396 t1_j85lvom wrote

My radical honesty was facing every aspect of the climate issue, reading as much data as I could, ignoring media, and consuming the science on it. I also went deep on how complex systems work, how they collapse, and how Empires have collapsed before.

I was a climate scientist before I became a software engineer.

Unfortunately, reality is harsh and I wanted to wish it away, in the end, I can’t control the world or the actions of others or what people choose to believe or not to believe. I can only control myself and my emotional response to the current conditions. It’s easy to dismiss the situation out of fear, I reached a point where the data and my fear were at odds and I had to deal with that.

I’m glad it’s such a cluster fuck. That clusterfuck set me free.

2

waterinhere2 t1_j85nnjj wrote

I dont believe in climate change, I dont even believe the world exists until I open my eyes and it is there and I cannot believe there is such a thing

−2

Equivalent-Light-396 t1_j85of2c wrote

Ok. Just don’t take it for granted assuming it will always be there when you open your eyes 😉

That’s the point OP was trying to make. This is fleeting and the only certainty in this life is one day it and you and I will no longer be

2

waterinhere2 t1_j85pzid wrote

What is being ? what are we without thoughts? There has to be a ground in which is these thoughts arise

A ground of some sort, an emptiness that things come on top of it

−2

tccpang t1_j85jidg wrote

I agree that being brave is, without a doubt, an admirable trait to have. But I think we should be weary that this fearlessness doesn’t become foolhardiness.

For example, if you have a fear of heights and you can overcome it by facing this fear head on, then that’s great! But that doesn’t mean you should start doing parkour on top of buildings.

0

TreatThompson OP t1_j85famq wrote

Personally it helps me make the most out of finite things

If I think from a standpoint of abundance it’s so easy for me to be wasteful and take it for granted

I don’t wanna spend my summers indoors if I think about how I barely have any days of summer left

Hope that makes sense! Definitely not a one size fits all approach, but it helps me 😄

3

waterinhere2 t1_j85fwtp wrote

I completely agree 🙏 my bad, its just that i felt what you said would make people fear or think they have to do things with urgency

2

bluechair07 t1_j86h48q wrote

This isn’t motivating, it’s depressing.

9

blackmonkeez t1_j8779l8 wrote

Forreal how is this supposed to make me wanna go thru with the all nighter fucks sake

3

SpanielDaniels t1_j86q3fv wrote

This is exactly how it is man. Everything is finite, everything is ending, it’s not depressing, it’s the transience that makes life beautiful. Peace and love x

7

TreatThompson OP t1_j86w4vi wrote

That’s exactly how I see it!

I can for sure understand the idea being felt with anxiety and sadness, but for me it’s a healthy reminder!

2

hvitserkmylosson t1_j88qn37 wrote

I learned this almost 3 years ago, when my dog died. All the walks I postponed, all the playing time I was too lazy to do, and so on.

Now with my other dog it doesn't matter how tired I am. I always wake up at the same hour, no matter when I went to sleep, and take him out to play or to a walk. I cherish every second. Every silent moment, every thing he breaks, every bad behavior (which I of course correct or don't encourage), every minute he wants to sleep with me, I enjoy everything. Whenever he does something silly or just plain bad I'll just laugh and call him an asshole (in a caring way). I'm now unable to not enjoy anything he does.

My late dog, Tomi, left me with a valuable lesson when he died. I thank him and miss him every fucking day.

6

TreatThompson OP t1_j88qycu wrote

Damn that’s really touching

My dog is getting up there in age and I already feel some of those regrets

Wish I cherished the most common moments more

I definitely do nowadays. Thanks for sharing that 🙌

4

URcompetition t1_j87fa9p wrote

That’s funny because I was just thinking about this today and got really sad. I am 29 and really truly starting to understand time in life is precious and it goes by super fast and it’s just sad overall but you have to take advantage of the moments you have so you can look back and cry and laugh at the same time.

4

TreatThompson OP t1_j87fjej wrote

Wow that’s really well said—I feel every part of that

Thanks for sharing 🙌

1

thehumblebaboon t1_j86mdll wrote

This wasn't really motivating my man. The way you phrased everything was actually quite the bummer.

However your general Idea is pretty inline with Stoic philosophy which I believe is very motivational! And you spoke the truth! The problem is that the way it is presented comes across much more existential than motivating.

2

TreatThompson OP t1_j86nann wrote

Hey I’m sorry to hear it didn’t click with you the way I intended!

For me it’s a serious reminder to not take things for granted, but I get there is no such thing as advice that works for everyone

Hope it didn’t bum you out too bad, but I’m glad you still understood the core value of what I was trying to say

I appreciate you letting me know 😄

1

thehumblebaboon t1_j86r39g wrote

It clicked with me man! Of course it did! Honestly you spoke nothing but facts!

I literally cannot disagree with anything you said. It’s pretty spot on to how I look at life and the world!

All I was critiquing was the way it was laid out, it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it!

Your message and ideals are very motivating! It’s the title and the way they were illustrated that threw me off I guess.

Kind of a “enjoy it while you can” vibe you know?

3

grwnp t1_j86tnq9 wrote

So sad

2

cataza t1_j88ujq4 wrote

  1. Grind to the top of the food chain
  2. Make a name for yourself in a history, whether it's good or bad
  3. Don't look back, keep focus on the goals and move forward
  4. Be ruthless, shows mercy if needed to gain profits
  5. Keep grinding
2

bvogel7475 t1_j8a4alv wrote

I am 57 and have no problem dying any day. It’s been a roller coaster ride but I have achieved everything I hoped for. I still work part time and have a lot of hobbies, just no goals.

2

[deleted] t1_j860e6q wrote

[deleted]

1

TreatThompson OP t1_j864dnj wrote

That’s a good point! Stressing about making sure everything goes good can definitely be a bad mindset

I more try to remind myself not to take things granted

Thanks for sharing that😄

1

tiredfromthemeds t1_j8cf9y8 wrote

I'm 27 now and I always worry about my future. The first time I felt excited for the future was when me and my boyfriend decided to talk about our future and what we want to do. Knowing what I could achieve and how I can mold my future made me feel less anxious. What I want in life is to make the people I love feel cared for and to make their life a little more joyful. My mom and my boyfriend are the only people I want to have a wonderful life with, and also the kids that I'm eventually gonna have. I have some mental health problems and I started to realize everytime I do something selfish or hurtful I apologize as soon as I realize I was wrong. There's nothing more that I want then to have an amazing future with my bf and be able to take care of my mom while she ages. Thinking about death is terrifying, or losing my bf in some way, even losing my cats. Knowing that things can change instantly make me more aware of the time I might have with the people or things I love

1

Ethario t1_j864d5s wrote

Lose ? I already lost everything, thanks for the advice.

−3

Oh_Seriously_Though t1_j878sns wrote

You've "lost everything?" I don't think so. As long as you're alive and breathing, you haven't lost everything.

As someone who has died twice, come back, has had multiple attempts on my life (emphasis on attempts), to the dismay of more than a few people, I'm thrilled to be here, alive and breathing despite my age and health issues.

I fully intend to die laughing as much as I've been doing my entire life.

It's far too short to do otherwise.

You've been fortunate to have received the ticket to life. Now enjoy the ride as long as you can! Don't waste a moment of it.

2