I was a very high achieving student in high school and the first year of college. Then I just kept getting caught up in partying and not really caring about putting my head down and working because I was smart enough to keep As and Bs (if I had cared and tried, it woulda been mostly As). Then before my senior year, I had an awful drug experience that threw me into a deep depression with other symptoms mixed in (OCD, PTSD, psychosis). The next 6 years were basically hell and I was in a holding pattern barely hanging on. Thankfully I never hurt myself or tried, but I definitely didn't care about anything. Once COVID hit, it kinda made me start to address it, which really sucked because it was hard. The last two years I've worked jobs I didn't really love, developed some phobias and obsessions and a bad addiction to nicotine and sex/porn.

But you know what? I'm still moving forward and feel like my connection to my old self is coming back. I'm studying for the MCAT again. I'm coping with my job and learning to just adapt. If you're not dead and still have your mind even somewhat in tact, you can make small steps forward. Eventually you hit an inflection point where you get positive feedback. You step away from the bad habits that were once survival mechanisms, and just keep moving. It requires discipline and self-reflection daily. But it's possible. Some days you do nothing and feel bad about it. That's going to happen. Keep going. Go easy on yourself. Those who judge and shame either have never been through it, or area still going through it and can't cope with it. Keep going. Be more selfish about doing things that keep you well. Don't be selfish to the point you start hurting others and trying to take from them to make you feel better. That doesn't work.

Best of luck.