You need to grow up and evolve. You also need to gain self-confidence. Stop thinking of your past, what happened in school at 14 shouldn’t be burdening your progress at this point. Start setting life goals for yourself- financial, relationship, spiritual, mental health. Find a greater purpose in life through religion or volunteering with the less fortunate. Finding friends at older ages becomes difficult but you can do it, typically through work and hobbies. Make sure you stay away from drugs and it’s best if you cut out gaming until you can have a healthy relationship with it. Hope you find what your looking for. Your life is just beginning so you have a lot of opportunity ahead of you to change your life into one where you find fulfillment in many aspects of it. All the best to you on your journey.