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ValyrianJedi t1_j9013k3 wrote

What people think of me is literally like half of my actual business

612

Fuzzy_Logic_4_Life t1_j9031ok wrote

I was going to say the same thing, peopleā€™s opinions of you is a majority of the job of being a leader. But then again good leaders own up to their mistakes.

So ya, let them watch you fall, and then let them watch you get back up and try again.

That is leadership, and peopleā€™s opinions matter.

205

canwegoback1991 t1_j90cthu wrote

Na peopleā€™s opinions really do not matter. Hold yourself accountable and stick to your principles, and youā€™ll be covering the ā€œpeopleā€™s opinions matterā€ base all the time. Unless your a dumbass - then just become a sheep.

−23

Forever__Young t1_j90mh82 wrote

Depends what people.

Your boss, your wife, your parents, your family? It does matter what they think.

You shouldn't bow to their every whim, or let their opinions decide what you'll do every time, but pissing off those people or losing their respect will definitely have an impact on your life.

And winning their respect and admiration will definitely have a positive impact on your self esteem, family life and possibly finances, all of which correlate with good mental health.

28

Talullah_Belle t1_j92krbf wrote

I think the down voters missed your point, ā€œHold yourself accountable.ā€ If you hold yourself accountable, you act in a manner that doesnā€™t violate or offend people. You have taken care of ā€œpeopleā€™s opinionsā€. Their opinions then donā€™t have to matter to you. I get you!

4

canwegoback1991 t1_j931ls2 wrote

Yep that's what I meant. I think I just offended people with my last sentence, which is fine.

4

Talullah_Belle t1_j93dvdf wrote

People choose to be offended when on some level they believe that statement. Iā€™m sure I will get downvoted too.

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_themaninacan_ t1_j916jfj wrote

I think a better take is that you wouldn't spend so much time worrying about what others think of you if you knew how very little time they spent doing so.

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dwhiffing t1_j91njgc wrote

I prefer it this way: You wouldn't worry so often about what people think of you if you realized how seldom they do.

7

starjjong t1_j91ar31 wrote

yeah people have a really odd idea of what is and isnā€™t their business - if something involves or affects me in any way, itā€™s absolutely my business lol

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CaptainTripps82 t1_j92ae6i wrote

I mean not really. There's a whole portion of what people think about you that doesn't really have anything to do with you

3

starjjong t1_j92n3wr wrote

yes, but what someone thinks about me will affect how they treat me whether what they think is true or has anything to do with me or not. therefore, it affects me, which makes it my business.

0

AmargithHuld t1_j8z7eu7 wrote

It isnt my business until they make it my business and I gotto waste energy dealing with that, then getting back on track after being massively gutpunched and derailed.

Thatā€™s the part I avoid, really.

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tkdyo t1_j8zp780 wrote

This. Sometimes what people think of you gets you fired, or keeps you from getting a job/promotion, or isolates you in your small town.

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clitoreum t1_j90cvc2 wrote

Thing is, no one cares if you fail, I guarantee you they've done it before. What matters is what you do next.

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chairmanskitty t1_j90mlwg wrote

Having a job gets you money. Money is needed to exchange for sustenance. Not having sustenance means you die.

8

King-Cobra-668 t1_j90s2i6 wrote

yeah, one toxic coworker shit talking you to everyone and highlighting your every mistake does actually matter especially because those types are constantly in your boss' ear

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OhWowItsJello t1_j92y5j5 wrote

Rational and reasonable people don't care if you fail. The shitty flip side of this coin is that there's no shortage of irrational and unreasonable people in the world.

Failure isn't the hard part, nor is other people seeing it, it's the people that go out of their way to shit on you for a shortcoming. I feel like there's at least one asshole for every two reasonable people, at least in a metropolitan area.

Your world view and experience is likely different if you live in a small town out in the boonies, where assholes can be pretty easily avoided. It's hard to avoid assholes in a literal sea of people.

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FirstMiddleLass t1_j90xx4p wrote

> What matters is what you do next.

Killing them all won't make your feel better.

4

Aetra t1_j90swzu wrote

In mid 2020, one person at work thinking I was a bitch for ignoring and not talking to her cost me a promotion, friends, totally ruined my mental health for a long while, and nearly cost me my job. The reason I didnā€™t talk to her much? She was hired during lockdown when everyone was WFH and we worked in healthcare admin so we were all pretty bloody busy. I met her in person for the first time at the HR meeting for her complaints against me for workplace bullying.

If her opinion of me had been brought up with me and made my business before she went to HR, I wouldnā€™t have had to deal with that circus in addition to the hell scape that was 2020.

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One-Mind4814 t1_j903fuq wrote

Sometimes itā€™s better to keep your goals to yourself. I hate when people tell me I canā€™t do something when I know I can and have proven many people wrong. Donā€™t even bother wasting the energy telling people your goals unless you know they are supportive. Although sometimes you kind of have no choice

Hereā€™s an example: I was waiting for an interview for a grad school program. They had students out in the lobby talking to us, answering our questions, telling us about the program etc. I would have to be moving to a different state and was a single mother. Keep in mind I had been planning this for years. I was told by one of the students (who herself just had a baby) that I wouldnā€™t be able to do the program without family support (for my daughter). Which I thought was pretty funny considering I had raised my daughter all by myself for 11 years at that point. Long story short I got accepted into the program and gasp actually did it all by myself like I had been all along. Graduated and now work in the field. Itā€™s still irks me though, lol. She wasnā€™t the first and wonā€™t be the last unfortunately

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danteelite t1_j909wj1 wrote

When I used to teach I would say ā€œyou didnā€™t fail, you just havenā€™t succeeded yet.ā€

Failure is a big word, like ā€œhateā€.. itā€™s easy to throw around but it can carry serious weight for some people. So I like to acknowledge the fact that weā€™re still learning and like the mythbusters said ā€œFailure is always an option.ā€ But as long as you keep trying, youā€™ll succeed eventually. Either you succeed at your goal or you learn something.

So whenever I fail at something I just call it a ā€œlearning opportunityā€ and keep going, because I didnā€™t failā€¦ I just havenā€™t succeeded yet.

Life is full of learning opportunities, and itā€™s how we react to them that determines how and how much we grow! Messing up and failing a little doesnā€™t mean you suckā€¦ it means you were brave enough to try something to begin with! When I see a chubby person at the gym I donā€™t think ā€œHaha.. FAT! Why are they here?!ā€ even though I know whatā€™s what theyā€™re imagining people thinking.. I choose to think of the self discipline and courage to change and better themselves and I have respect for that person. I donā€™t laugh when I see a teenager falling down wearing dorky pads at the skateparkā€¦ I applaud their determination to learn and take care of their body. ā€œBadā€ art is just a stepping stone to becoming an amazing artist! Everyone starts somewhere and everyone hits speedbumps. We all fail before we succeed.

Trying takes effort and courage, remember that. Failures are opportunities to learn and grow, so when it inevitably happens, take a moment to understand why it happened and do better next time with new information. Donā€™t be ashamed of growing and getting better, because thatā€™s how life works. We all stumble before we walk. No one was born an artist or athlete, they got there by failing again and again until they succeeded.

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KristiiNicole t1_j91c660 wrote

As someone in a not so great place that has a habit of giving up way too easily, and while Iā€™ve heard this advice (or at least similar to it) many times before, for some reason the particular way you wrote this actually really sunk in for me and has given me a lot to chew on, thank you.

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countess_snow t1_j91huzr wrote

When you used to teach, did you give out failing grades?

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danteelite t1_j92n01t wrote

I wasnā€™t that kind of teacher.. lol

I taught self defense, firearms basics and security consulting. It was very important to not let my students give up, because quitting your shooting classes because you canā€™t keep up, but still keeping your firearm is a scary thought. Same with self defense, I need people to know that ANYONE can keep themselves and their loved ones safe, and it doesnā€™t require a gun or ninja skills. Stuff like self awareness, common sense, and a little bit of basic planning goes a very long way. 90% of dangerous situations can be avoided before they ever happen.

Youā€™d be surprised how many people feel like a failure when it comes to protecting themselves or their families and how devastating it is for them. They feel like crappy mothers, weak ā€œun-manlyā€ men, or an unworthy partner. I had to very often explain to people that it isnā€™t their job to be a soldierā€¦ basic knowledge and a few simple skills can do 90% of the work. Tap your collar bone or back of your hand lightly with the edge of your cellphone, try it.. hurts, doesnā€™t it? Surprisingly bad for such a light tap. It doesnā€™t take much to protect yourself if you know how.

50% of my job was instructing students, preparing classes and teaching, and the other 50% was teaching people to believe in themselves, reassuring people and sometimes answering ā€œstupid questionsā€ because other people who work in the firearms/defense industry are condescending jerks who treat people like morons for not knowing things that they consider ā€œbasicā€ā€¦

So short answer, No. I never failed anyone, I tried to make sure everyone got what they needed from my class, whether it was firearms basics to get their carry license, self defense tactics or just someone to talk to about all of the questions theyā€™ve been too afraid to ask about guns, defense, emergency situations or whatever else.

As a rule, I always believe in people. I know people are capable of so much more than they think they are. It shouldnā€™t take an emergency or life or death situation for you to recognize how incredible you are! Some people just look in the mirror with one eye closed and need to see themselves through someone elseā€™s eyes who can see how much potential they have and how awesome they are. I donā€™t know you, but I know youā€™re incredible too.. I know youā€™re capable of really amazing things of you want to. Olympic athletes, geniuses and mothers who lift cars off their children arenā€™t another speciesā€¦ weā€™re all human. Youā€™re capable of that too! Thatā€™s the mindset I keep when I teach or help people.

Hope that helps clarify, sorry if it was misleading or somethingā€¦ I have too much respect for actual academic teachers to try to compare myself to them!

6

Go88milesperhour t1_j9846lu wrote

I donā€™t know if anyone has ever told you this but thank you for being you.

3

designer_farts t1_j8yvf98 wrote

Its so true. Thats why I just don't give a fuck anymore. Fuck yall, this is me

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stevenkelby t1_j902j1h wrote

Does that feel disrespectful?

−9

meickoff t1_j90dok7 wrote

If you don't obtrude anyone's path by being yourself then no, you're not disrespectful

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stevenkelby t1_j90dtye wrote

Fair enough.

"Fuck Y'all" does feel disrespectful to me.

−2

meickoff t1_j90m9la wrote

In the case of the othe original comment it is most definetly meant figuratively to make a point, to ephasise how one should focus on themselves first, giving less redards to other for the benefit of ones self. At least this is how it came off to me.

2

honeycaek t1_j90i7el wrote

:'(

1

stevenkelby t1_j90l1qf wrote

šŸ˜‚ It's not me suffering because of other people's narcissism, it's them. ā˜ŗ šŸ˜˜

−2

PinguProductions t1_j8zsqvh wrote

This gets posted like every other week and it's totally bullshit. It's not even what most people think. It's a super narcissistic problem to have if you actually do have it.

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LordCorvid t1_j91ed1h wrote

This was my first thought as well. I'm not afraid of failing because of others. I'm afraid of putting in time and effort and getting nowhere, repeatedly. I'm afraid of confronting reality about my own limitations.

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stevenkelby t1_j902pzr wrote

I don't know why people down voted you. You're 100% right.

Only a narcissistic psychopath truly doesn't care what other people think of them.

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iamCaptainDeadpool t1_j8zg3mq wrote

Big words coming from a yoga teacher. If she was a Yoda teacher I would have given it some thought.

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JA_LT99 t1_j8z71ag wrote

Well it obviously is. It's just not something that you ask about directly.

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Gloriathewitch t1_j90g32y wrote

I need to be told this regarding my art

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born_again_tim t1_j91lgpb wrote

Can we get a link to your art?

1

Gloriathewitch t1_j9273fo wrote

Oh I'm flattered that you would ask but I don't have a page, I just recently got an iPad and started doodling, I'm really new to it, but I let my lack of skill deter me from trying, and I know I need to just keep drawing poorly so I can eventually get better. This op is what I needed to hear I think

2

WhimsicalUnknown t1_j939ola wrote

You will absolutely get better. Skills are built by practice and research, so keep at it.

1

TheDaemonette t1_j91cphy wrote

Try telling this bullshit to anyone who has to sit through a personal performance review for a pay rise.

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Domhausen t1_j90ovlh wrote

I don't know why this spelling of tonight annoys me as much as it does

7

FlotsamOfThe4Winds t1_j90510i wrote

The simultaneous knowledge of knowing tonight is spelled wrong and that the message is basically saying "you shouldn't give a dang about people nitpicking stuff like spelling" is very confusing.

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yourmentalhealthpal t1_j90ghq0 wrote

Indeed, People don't even try because of the fear of failing. We should always remember failure is the first step to success. Stay motivated.! šŸ™Œ

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These_Lingonberry635 t1_j8zj98q wrote

I was going to quit the yoga class until I read this, but namaste.

3

-dont-know-me- t1_j9135f5 wrote

I'm not afraid of farting. I'm afraid of farting in the middle of yoga class.

3

Itherial t1_j91eito wrote

No matter how much you want it to be otherwise, your opinion of yourself doesnā€™t mean shit. I mean, it does to you, but the only one thatā€™s you is yourself.

Your opinion of yourself is hugely, incomprehensibly outweighed by everyone elseā€™s perception of you, which is why, essentially, only outside perspectives matter regarding what sort of person you are.

3

RevNut t1_j8z18gj wrote

Yep!! 100%

2

poetintime t1_j8zqgm4 wrote

There is only one continuousness and we are each a container for it, if someone judges you they are really just judging themselves out of ignorance. Once you have become one with the moment that is, the past, future, negative thoughts of others don't matter unless they are ready to be helped and you are ready to help them (in order to elevate the collective consciousness). Love and light to all who read this.

2

Chillin_Maximus t1_j908yqv wrote

ā€œIt never ceases to amaze me; we love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our ownā€ ā€”Marcus Aurelius

2

GeneralZaroff1 t1_j90b0vk wrote

Thatā€™s pretty intense for a yoga class.

2

Competitive-Pop6530 t1_j90if8k wrote

Go on an interview for a job and apply this philosophy. Wear pajamas if youā€™d like.

2

CybridNexus t1_j92yqbj wrote

"well, thank you for your time, but I think we're gonna look at some other candidates."

"That's none of my fucking business"

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JTG_16 t1_j90ln8y wrote

I mean, maybe she's just talking about yoga?

2

crayoncer t1_j90slkx wrote

My job is an elected position šŸ˜’

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Filthyphill_96 t1_j915209 wrote

Heard this in a video, Comparison is the thief of joy.

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Vio94 t1_j90dfd3 wrote

Actually, I'm afraid of failing because I will feel like a failure to myself.

1

_The_Great_Autismo_ t1_j90f1wa wrote

I mean obviously it's your business because it's about you. But not paying attention to it is the point.

1

welcome-in_jaaAAMmm t1_j90g2z9 wrote

Doubt. The shame I feel from failing within myself is what stops me.

1

messy_entropy t1_j90j67r wrote

ā€˜Hereā€™s a song I wrote. Please donā€™t applaud, your opinion is none of my business.ā€™

1

lilleblake t1_j90l7wg wrote

I felt it just now reading this.

1

sabersquirl t1_j90rxia wrote

Sometimes how others perceive you is literally your business, as in, the trajectory of your career can depend on it.

1

Left-Requirement759 t1_j90so6x wrote

Fear of failure doesn't exist, why would you fear something you expected, we don't fear the known but instead the unknown..that's why I think people actually fear success ..because then shit gets real

1

the_other_irrevenant t1_j90yxvz wrote

No, I'm definitely afraid of failing. Doesn't matter if anyone else is around to see it or not - I saw it.

1

bob-leblaw t1_j90z9g7 wrote

Iā€™m so tired of ā€œSomeone did / said something, and I still think about her / think about that every day / still feel that shit.ā€

1

shemague t1_j910dgi wrote

Stole a ru paul quote and gave no credit but go off

1

lilbiggerbitch t1_j91591t wrote

It may be a RuPaul quote, but Ru also stole half the shit she says from Paris is Burning. So, who knows where Ru got it from.

1

Nasty_Necron_99 t1_j911yl6 wrote

It was just stated incorrectly, it is your business, but the credence you give it is way out of proportion. Who cares what putz A thinks of you, but putz D is your boss so his/her opinion matters slightly more. None of this should ever stop you from becoming what you want.

1

myowngalactus t1_j91321k wrote

Donā€™t worry what anyone thinks of you, no one ever thinks of you.

1

ze-sa-no-gun t1_j916scq wrote

Love this Betty Davis quote. I said it just yesterday.

Lol

Awesome

1

ejpusa t1_j91cu2r wrote

Was more concerned with falling than what other people thought, but that was me. Have zero interest in what other people think.

:-)

Source: old yogi

1

blueboot09 t1_j91d3yk wrote

The self-help, blanket statement mantra: "Other People's Opinions Are None of Your Business" is ridiculously simplistic and misleading.

1

cr125rider t1_j91j58q wrote

Always fear regret more than failure

1

TecN9ne t1_j91j86x wrote

Reputation is what people think of you. Character is what you are.

1

IhoujinDesu t1_j91n9vh wrote

If at first you don't succeed, eliminate all evidence you ever tried at all. šŸ™ƒ

1

sailorelf t1_j91neci wrote

Donā€™t they say something like that in alanon.

1

[deleted] t1_j91q92f wrote

r/mitcuwsqtqbssesietivotc (motivational influencers that come up with shitty quotes they qualify by saying someone else said it even though that is very obviously the case)

1

edwinburgers t1_j91q9vr wrote

Damn thatā€™s pretty hardcore for Yoga

1

LowUnderstandingGrub t1_j92yman wrote

Donā€™t take anything personally is a much better way to say it.

As in, everyone is living in their own dream, their own reality, and their perception of you, themselves and everything around them, is completely different than your own individual dream, or perception of reality.

And taking anything personally is just silly from that perspective and we all see things very differently.

1

cookieswirlish t1_j92zjai wrote

Hahaha ..heard that song ....everybody is dumb? Resonates with this....šŸ˜„

1

astroASMR t1_j95lb0b wrote

Ripped it off steve harvey

1

talexbatreddit t1_j96mh1f wrote

Here's one: Whenever one of the goofs on my brain committee brings up a failure from decades ago (really), my stock response is "Nobody cares!"

Yeah, that girl was obviously into you . (And that one. And that other one. And, and, and.) You didn't get it, or worse, got it, but did nothing. It's OK -- you got better. And you know what? Nobody cares about those antiquated failures.

There's a phrase that was popular in the 70's, so I may as well date myself. Y'all know I'm old already. "Today is the first day of the rest of your life." Make today better, and tomorrow better than that. Just keep movin'.

1

sloppyfreddy t1_j989wfg wrote

"Who cares what other people think" would've been better to end on.

Hey though, if people keep their shitty opinions to themselves, great. Else, it is my business.

1

Former_sandra t1_j99gwlj wrote

Iā€™m too old for yoga but my two granddaughters do it daily

1

CM_Bison t1_j9e1o8p wrote

While doing downward dog

1

Fastlearning88 t1_jabjnzv wrote

So absolutely we'll said I use to let other people views affect me like that but now I'm 35 and God is the only one my judge

1

sofa_king_rad t1_j909ldg wrote

Can this be flipped as well. ā€œYour donā€™t want success/wealth, you want others to see you succeed/wealthy.ā€ Why?

0

AlludedNuance t1_j90b1d3 wrote

Yeah no I definitely can also be afraid of failing.

0

magickungfusquirrel t1_j90ccsh wrote

No, that's projection. You are afraid of failing because you'll judge yourself.

0

Shay_Dee_Guye t1_j90ih0h wrote

And that's what got me through highschool!

I stopped caring about failing and what others would think about that, and I did it! Failed, that is.

I got some help days before finals and got probably extremely lucky, without feeling the actual gravity of the situation (but feeling the usual window/anxiety).

Almost 2 years ago, that's a different person now.

0

Texas03 t1_j90kds6 wrote

Thatā€™s terrible advice. Imagine if we all just treated others like we didnā€™t care what they thought of us

0

Collins08480 t1_j90wu21 wrote

No, im afraid of homelessness. This bs idea that failing doesn't have real consequences for most people.

0

dankbuddha0420 t1_j90wyun wrote

Until you live in a town where 50 % of the population knows you and your family by name

0

14c3c18c10 t1_j90ye23 wrote

REALLY????? I will become a self entitled psychopath who doesn't give two fucks about others and will say fucking shit every fucking shit second fucking word.

0

pasgiannis t1_j91nzcj wrote

Yea I care about what other people think I'm sorry

0

TwinkDestroyer42069 t1_j91ogtv wrote

Tell them to say that shit to their surgeon right before a difficult procedure.

0

tyco_brahe t1_j92u5yw wrote

IDK. It's pretty important to me what my co-workers, friends, family, and neighbors think of me. Even the people who provide services to you. It's all important what they think of you.

if they think you're a jerk, a failure, an idiot, etc. it'll have an outsized effect on your relationship with those people.

I read way too much into this. Is this really just saying "don't be afraid of failure"? That's much easier to say.

0

brockwallace t1_j903sh7 wrote

##Now Peel that muthafuckin tounge from the roof of that muthafuckin mouth.

−1

jambudz t1_j907g4e wrote

No. Iā€™m afraid of falling out of eka pada koudinyasana II. That shit hurts the way you land

−1

wizzense t1_j90a6m0 wrote

Nope, I just give a shit about doing my best.

Don't give a fuck what anyone else thinks.

Don't make excuses, period.

−1

Joshua_Is_Zeus t1_j90cna2 wrote

Is this a pun about shitting in yoga class

−1

ATR2002 t1_j90ele7 wrote

Failing yoga.. What's that? Sitting down?

−1

BirdShatOnMe t1_j8zutwx wrote

What's there to fail about yoga? It's just fuckin stretches and shit??? wtf

−2

SenseiRaheem t1_j901f1x wrote

"Unless they paying yo bills, pay them bitches no mind" -RuPaul

−2

DocHickory t1_j90dvew wrote

She was wrong...it IS your business what other people may think about you. BUT, it's up to you whether you allow it to have any effect on how you live your life. People can think I'm shit, but my attitude is 'fuck 'em, I don't care what the hell they think."

−2