[Text] I’m very happy, so I have no goals?!

Submitted by Mooberry_ t3_114zwfn in GetMotivated

Okay, so this is going to sound stupid and it’s embarrassing but frankly I’m tired of googling and not getting anywhere.

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I’m very happy and content with my life. I’m incredibly average, (average income, average Toyota car, wonderful husband, no extra stress etc) but to me that’s fantastic. I feel like I’m in my 30’s and I’ve curated the life that I want. And I have immense gratitude for what I have.

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But here’s the stupid. I want to want something so I have a goal again, to have that passion that fired me when I was building this life in the first place. It’s like once I achieved my dream, I stopped being capable of dreaming?

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I’m not depressed, it’s almost the opposite, I’m just so incredibly grateful that I can’t imagine wanting anything more physically or emotionally.

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Can anyone point me in the direction of the resources I need?

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Comments

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[deleted] t1_j90822j wrote

Capitalism has brainwashed us into thinking we constantly need to be “striving” for MORE. It’s a scam. You should be overjoyed that you feel content with your life. If you’re looking for goals, focus on those that nurture your soul and bring you into the present moment.

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SorryLifeguard7 t1_j91bnww wrote

This.

OP, if you REALLY want a challenge, have a baby and strive for HIS/HER happiness. If not, enjoy the best years of your life - your only plan should be to make sure to defend it from externalities.

You've made it, don't stress about it.

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Mooberry_ OP t1_j91mfie wrote

I don’t want kids, so I won’t be doing that.

But I do like the idea of helping those around me for sure, so I think I’ll research volunteer opportunities

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APCoach t1_j92c0f7 wrote

Sounds like you might benefit from trying new things. Make it a scheduled thing: once a week, month, or whatever works for you, do a different new activity (like making a content calendar — but way better — bc it’s for your life). Pottery, a 5k, whatever feels new and challenging. If you’re not usually a thrill seeker, maybe switch it up and pick something a little more edgy — something that scares the bejeesus out of you (but also ignites a spark).

Actually, this is the BEST time to find a new passion. Bc you’re not frantic or trying to fill a hole; you’re simply asking more of yourself/life. Psychologically, a super healthy place to be coming from☺️

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fluffyjellybeana t1_j8zkrym wrote

just enjoy your life & try to help people and pay it forward. A lot of people don't have a single thing on your list of "average things."

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Mooberry_ OP t1_j91mih3 wrote

I think this is a very good idea. I’ll look for volunteer opportunities

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Twee4 t1_j92ynzk wrote

Help the change more than your world. You maybe can’t do it all. But you can surely change someone else’s world

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menellinde t1_j93cc7h wrote

I definitely agree with this. Doing something that has a positive impact on others can be SO rewarding and fulfilling. I changed careers about 6 years ago and fell into a job that does that and I have never been happier.

One thing you could do is instead of setting a goal specifically focused on yourself, you could make your goal based on helping others. You could get into fundraising for meaningful causes that are important to you. You could get into doing something like being a big sister or big brother if they have that sort of thing where you are and help the kids you volunteer with reach their goals. You could volunteer to be a senior companion to your neighbor, or find out what seniors in your area are alone and could use help with small things like shopping or just a check in and visit from time to time to make sure they're ok.

Of course, if you want something more self focused you could always work at learning a new skill. I've done that as well in the past. I decided I wanted to learn how to play the piano and after some research found out it really wasn't that expensive at all. My local music store rented digital keyboards for about $40 / month and I had in person lessons there for about $25 / 30 mins. Once I had the basics, I downloaded an app called Simply Piano and then continued with that, I think that was $120 for the year.

You could also work at learning another language, Duolingo is free and there are other options for that as well.

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GuitarWorker t1_j8yw9x8 wrote

Enjoy your time, your next goals should be (in case haven’t achieved them): eat healthier, exercise more, sleep 8h, avoid alcohol/cigarettes, meditate, learn new things

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Khs11 t1_j8yzywa wrote

This sounds like the Swedish concept of “lagom”. It’s a good thing.

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IiteraIIy t1_j90e3nz wrote

If you have time I would suggest art (in any form--like music, writing, drawing etc) or charity work.

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Maximusprime-d t1_j9095qt wrote

This state is what every person should strive to achieve as opposed to financial success, although both would be perfect. Just pure bliss due to the family around you. Long may it continue for you!

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usernametakenagain00 t1_j8zwgxf wrote

Not everything that we do need to have a purpose. It is perfectly fine to find happiness in the little things!

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Sea-Cantaloupe-4741 t1_j8yu4zi wrote

Get a hobby that you can set goals with your progress. For example, start reading and set a goal number of pages or books you’ll finish in a time frame.

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craycraycatlady4 t1_j8zo1bx wrote

I actually felt similar until my long term relationship fell apart and now I have that goal to work toward. I guess just remember that everything you have could be taken away so maybe your goals can be safeguarding yourself in case something bad happens?

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OkTelevision-0 t1_j90b2hb wrote

Feel the same, having less than you (in fact, never had any 'dream'). I think is OK to just enjoy your peace and happiness, maybe you'll get a new dream at another time. I would try doing new things to fire new challenges

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Competitive-Pop6530 t1_j90e9ky wrote

You’re what society does NOT define as a success. You’re successful!!! Content in your life. Perhaps you’ve learned that there’s more to life than more. Unfortunately, sometimes success can become a bit boring.

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TrueBoot4567 t1_j90jajt wrote

Continue to be grateful and do to those less fortunate than you.

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Polyke t1_j90rt1o wrote

Maybe learn something like an instrument, language, drawing, programming... Something creative like that would be my go to but everyone is different. Being content is often mistaken for being unambitious. You do you.

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Sovereign_Usurper t1_j918dmh wrote

Fitness/personal health can be an endless and fun project.

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ElementalWheel t1_j90x138 wrote

Your goal is to find a goal, and you must make a relentless pursuit in “trying”.

Have you welded? SCUBA dived? Knife fight a chimpanzee over peanuts?

Make a new experience a goal for you! The adventure is in finding out what you like and don’t like.

Get a Brazilian butt wax, BE the Brazilian butt wax.

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DeepSeaMouse t1_j90onrg wrote

Maybe focus on new experiences you could have. A new hobby, travelling, learning something, or introduce a friend to one of your hobbies and enjoy through their achievement. Or choose things to do at random with the roll of the dice or something. But I'm kinda in the same place myself. Let yourself be and just enjoy what you have.

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blueboot09 t1_j919thh wrote

>Let yourself be and just enjoy what you have

This! Enjoy the moment. Life will change whether you plan for change or not.

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evacilia t1_j90sayb wrote

I would say juat enjoy life as it is! Sooner or later, new goals are going to come along as you live life and experience new things. Wait until that dream finds you, and then work for it 💪

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Mrs-Stringer-Bell t1_j9101ur wrote

Yay! How wonderful. No shame in being grateful for what you have and just enjoying life.

However, when I feel like this (it's been awhile - I'm kind of in chaos right now!), I found it pleasurable to plan a vacation.

It's not necessarily a "goal" - because you could go anytime if you have a little money in the bank and a little bit of freedom. But rather, you can make planning it sort of make it a long term project. Study up on a language, learn about the culture, climate, economy. And then get into the nitty gritty of hotels, restaurants, public transportation.

Eventually, TAKE that vacation, decompress, then start planning the next one at your own pace.

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Brilliant-Ground-544 t1_j91rw80 wrote

Mabe try art, yoga, dancing pick up a hobby. If you are happy i dont think you need to be incredibly ambitious. Just try something new to keep your brain and body active

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Jazzlike_Leader8755 t1_j91xtkb wrote

It’s great to have gratitude. But the fact that you’re posting this means there’s something missing. Purpose is everything. To some people that’s being a parent. To others that’s volunteering. To others that’s building a business.

Doing something to help society will be one of the most meaningful things you can do. What that looks like looks different to everyone but go find yours. If you don’t know where to start try volunteering at a soup kitchen or mentoring someone junior.

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Twitxx t1_j923jcg wrote

Lust is the enemy. Don't be fooled into thinking that wanting is the normal state of being. It is exactly the opposite. You are in a great spot. Just do what brings you joy and once your inner fountain is overfilled, others will be able to drink from it too.

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Ortus14 t1_j92425g wrote

You're good. Keep on living the dream.

If you're bored, then you can always get a hobby.

Some random hobbies to spur your imagination: Painting, Video Games, Hiking, Sun-bathing, Swimming, Gym, Tennis, Volunteering at animal shelter/old folks home, watching movies, watching tv shows, drawing, dancing, church stuff, reading books, writing, cooking, dinning out, making friends from other countries then trying to learn the language, laying in bed.

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Anandamine t1_j928ote wrote

Does the goal have to be about attaining a physical thing? How about making an impact in your community? Learning an instrument? Trying your hand at any artistic pursuit? Solving a large issue that plagues your community, your city …. The world. Something you are passionate or can become passionate about. There’s a lot of suffering in the world that you could work toward alleviating.

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Jaredthewizard t1_j92btd4 wrote

Pick up a new hobby! You never know what might really click with you and become a new passion.

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No_Sir_3600 t1_j92pcin wrote

You could have a series of small goals, or try new hobbies. A goal could be to learn to play the piano or grow tomatoes. It doesn't have to be grandiose.

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i_only_eat_nachos t1_j93ez7y wrote

You aren’t average. You’re you, and you’re more than enough.

If you are bored, that’s one thing. Go out and venture. Try new things. Go to new places. Do shit alone. But you’re anything but average.

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maggieufledu t1_j947q6x wrote

Life is about the journey, not the prize at the end - it sounds like you have found paradise- got what you want AND grateful for it- being satiated is ok! It’s good! Why not stop and smell those roses!!

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Chililemonlime t1_j94p6uz wrote

I hope it’s late 30s because I’m 25 and this makes me envious haha. It’s not stupid to want a goal. Maybe you could try learning a new skill or something fun you’ve always wanted to do or never really considered. Maybe like learning a new language, painting, rock climbing, yoga.

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namenomatter85 t1_j95gt4n wrote

Man’s search for meaning is a good book on finding purpose. But essentially you are so lucky. Help others find this amazing point yourself.

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itsantmun t1_j9bbajk wrote

It sounds like you are living a great life! Just enjoy it.

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Jones-bones-boots t1_j9cgbas wrote

You probably are feeling that you should have a goal instead of actually wanting one. We usually strive for goals so that we feel success. Nobody is more successful in life than one who is grateful and happy.

Maybe you should just take up a new sport or interest. You may just be surprised where that takes you.

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SpecificEnough t1_j9conkn wrote

That’s the thing about goals and dreams. They are yours, created by you, decided by you, for you. Create a bucket list, maybe written down near your bed or in your phone notes. Check it once a week. You don’t have to write anything yet. Only write when you genuinely decide on something you want. Write little achievable thing, and big dreams. Maybe you want to visit the South Pole to see penguins. Maybe you want to try actual peaches and cream. Everybody needs something they could do tomorrow, and a big dream you take years to aim towards.

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hi_im_snowman t1_j9cxze3 wrote

Please share that joy and gratitude, the world could certainly use your smile and positive attitude ☺️

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Master-Blacksmith453 t1_j9e1h8m wrote

This is a different way of seeing life. I can really appreciate this approach to living life. I would in my 30’s I have things figured out like job or getting a house. I think it is wonderful to be content with your life. I think doing a hobby that you enjoy then that could led you to a goal. Learning should be the ultimate goal of life. Sometimes it is hard to not see your worth in material thing, I know I love having expensive stuff. I also want to point out that most people don’t have things figured out. So getting your life together is definitely a goal everyone should strive though. I don’t usually respond to post but this one caught my attention. I hope you find the goal you are looking for.

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New_Elle t1_j9f0gpq wrote

It sounds like my life. A few years ago I started to feel like you. But I got a few more hobbies and got over it. I just had my stupid yearly review at work. What are my professional goals this year? None. I’m 46. I worked my ass off in my 30s. I’ve been there 16 years. If I wanted to be the boss I would be. If I had any more goals I would have met them by now. I’m a nurse at the top of the pay scale. I have enough seniority to self schedule. I’m union and my overtime pay is ridiculously good. Other than reading a few journals every month I do not think about work at all when I am not there. I own my house, my car and my boat. My daughter is in college and I can afford it. I have 8 chickens and a dog. My husband is nice.
Here’s my goals: paint the living room. Get bees. Make a purple and orange quilt. Finish the laundry.

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[deleted] t1_ja22hdy wrote

I’m in the same boat.

Super amazing husband who cherishes me, moved to a beautiful Baltic country and experiencing snow for the first time, got a massive promotion in my finance career and my workplace is funding my studies to get further if I want to, the only thing that would make it all complete is our own cute lil apartment būt i don’t even mind renting here as prices are so low compared to how much we make

I’m trying to walk more and appreciate nature, that’s my goal. I’m only 29 but I lived in a tropical island my whole life and I’m now somewhere with an abundance of nature and forests and my goal is to embrace that 🥹

People think I should want more but my life is literally perfect for us and I want ways to embrace that daily instead of looking to add things

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PsychologicalSea9049 t1_j90l5le wrote

As a previous commenter mentioned, what you call average is what many might aspire to. I'm aware that that's not what you want to hear or that you find helpful, so here's my practical advice for you:

If you're honest when you say you value the stuff in your life you need to accept it, your "average" life. Desire nothing more than but to nurture what you already have. You might also find this brings value to others.

I also advise you see a therapist.

A new affair of sorts - career, romantic, life passion - can be great, but if you're someone who thrives in stability or needs it, understand that the risk profile for engaging in one these activities is high. The cost for being above average requires sacrifice. Whichever decision you make, you'll need to accept full responsibility, as you are for your current mindset.

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APCoach t1_j92dxp5 wrote

You serious, Clark? I don’t see how anything that you wrote applies to what OP was expressing.

“Risk profile for engaging in one of these activities?” Who says OP was considering having an affair? All due respect, seems to be some sort of projection going on here.

I would’ve normally just chalked this response up as “ODD”.

But dear God, who are you to advise anyone to “see a therapist”? IDC who you are, that’s NOT OK.

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PsychologicalSea9049 t1_j97si1o wrote

Thanks for the feedback.

I didn't say that their seeing a therapist is a bad thing. I think anyone can benefit from talking to one. Wouldn't you agree?

I don't think I'm projecting.

The OP sounds like a nice person. They also come across as bored. I think that is an indicator to something. Or consciously decide not to do anything and begin processing the grief that could accompany that. Or, to kick start something new and potentially meaningful.

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mbrellaSandwich t1_j98s2kd wrote

You know, I hate to be a dick, but this is literally a problem that doesn't need to be solved and I can't spend the energy to try to imagine what I would do in your situation because all I can think is I'd just be happy and appreciate getting what almost no one else in the world gets regardless of how their life turns out.

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[deleted] t1_j9050ec wrote

And you're totally sober right? Just checking ;)

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Keldor25 t1_j90dc02 wrote

Jesus says “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

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