[Text] I need to find a higher paying job, but self doubt makes me feel like I can’t handle any job

Submitted by thequeasydream t3_1153bmq in GetMotivated

Throughout my life I’ve always only ever been called smart, or even brilliant. Never been called dumb by anyone.

However I have failed at different, low skill jobs. I was fired when I was a hostess for my first job, I was a terrible waitress, a horrible barista… that was so humiliating. That work environment was too much for me. It was a small work area and we were all over each other serving coffees to college students. I was the “team lead” but I was so overwhelmed I shut down and couldn’t do anything right. I could never work fast enough, I couldn’t multitask, I fucked up the whole rhythm every day and no one liked me.

I process things slowly, especially verbal instructions, and especially when in a social setting. I shut down so easily. I don’t know what to do.

I work retail now and it’s fine but I’m not making enough. I don’t feel like I’m smart enough for any job really, that’s how low my confidence is at this point. As I look through listings for example I’m like, no, I’m too dumb to be a bank teller, would never try being a barista again, etc. Any advice?

38

Comments

You must log in or register to comment.

LordTindale t1_j8zf1sh wrote

It's important to remember that intelligence comes in many different forms, and the skills that are required for success in different jobs can vary greatly. Just because you may struggle with certain tasks or job requirements doesn't mean that you are not intelligent or capable in other ways.

It sounds like you may benefit from finding a job that better aligns with your strengths and natural abilities. Rather than focusing on jobs that you think you are not capable of, try to identify jobs that you would be interested in and that might suit your skills and personality better. For example, if you are good at problem-solving or critical thinking, you might consider roles in customer service, data entry, or quality control. If you have good writing or communication skills, you might consider roles in marketing or social media management.

It's also important to remember that many skills can be learned or improved over time with practice and training. If there are areas that you feel you need to work on, consider seeking out additional training or taking courses to develop those skills. You might also consider speaking with a career counselor or mentor who can help you identify your strengths and provide guidance on finding a career that is a good fit for you.

Most importantly, be kind to yourself and remember that everyone has strengths and weaknesses. It's okay to struggle with certain tasks or jobs, and it doesn't define your intelligence or worth as a person. Focus on your strengths and what you can bring to a job, and keep an open mind about your career path. With time and effort, you will find a job that is a good fit for you.

39

MarcM95 t1_j959l5l wrote

Maybe I’ve spent too much time on chatgpt

3

Environmental_Fig942 t1_j8zygsz wrote

LordTindale has an awesome answer.

The other things to keep in mind are that we all have different processing speeds as well, so just because someone is smart does not mean they process quickly, and vice versa. We’re all on a spectrum for everything, so work out where you’re good, where you’re not so you can practise, and everything else is out of your control so don’t sweat it.

Finally, I’m not saying that you have this, but sometimes people with ADHD freeze in situations like you listed above; it’s too chaotic; having too many choices to make, etc etc. Once again it doesn’t mean you have it, but it might be worth researching and mulling over (and this can be over weeks, months or even years.) If you feel you might have it, or you’re not sure then have a chat with your GP or a Clinical Psychologist or Psychiatrist (Paediatricians treat under 16 years old, Psychiatrists treat everybody else.) But keep in mind that not everybody with ADHD needs treatment.

10

thequeasydream OP t1_j928fdk wrote

I swear I have it. My 2nd grade teacher suspected it, but no conclusion that I can remember came from any dr I’ve seen throughout my life. But I have every single symptom, and pretty much every day it interferes with my work.

2

Environmental_Fig942 t1_j94suxh wrote

Then you quite possibly have it. One of the difficulties with diagnosis is often, and especially in the past, that people were reportedly compared to the typically disruptive boys who could not sit still or perform tasks at all, and if you weren’t one of them then apparently you didn’t have it. Nowadays it’s more recognised (but still has a long way to go) that not all people with ADHD present like that, and often (but not always) females present differently compared to that male stereotype. (For the record males too can differ from that stereotype.)

The two biggest limiting factors for diagnosis and treatment these days are seeing the specialist: 1) the time and 2) the money that go with assessing and finding the right treatment (should someone decide with their psychiatrist to go down that path.). This is where talking with family and friends, researching, and talking with your GP or psychologist can also help, to help you find the right decision for you. And if you have a diagnosis but are confused about whether or not medication is a good idea, sometimes a leap of faith (also called a trial of medication) will be useful. Maybe with a diary beforehand so you can compare your thoughts and feelings off medications and then on medications.

I hope, whichever path you take, you find the help and solace you need 👍

Edit: just another bit of info.

3

ampsby t1_j8zxh63 wrote

Low skill jobs are not for everyone but are sometimes required as a starting point to move up. Just tell your self this isn’t forever and things will get better. As long as you keep working to improve you’ll find what your good at.

5

[deleted] t1_j96y3yj wrote

But it’s so degrading it feels like for an intelligent being to be at a not so intelligent job. It leads to bad thoughts with time. How do you stay happy on the job. Around where I am, people only get welding jobs or go to college. I am not college material but I’m also not welding material either. I’m not sure what to do without going ape **** crazy. Thanks for any input fellas and gals.

1

WatercressTop2942 t1_j8zyljk wrote

It sounds like you might be suited to something more analytical and less fast paced! Like less customer service oriented and more project oriented. I’m not sure where your interests or experience lie but maybe look into accounting, finance, business operations. You might not make as much as a waitress in the first year, but earnings potential after a few years is much higher!

Also, if it makes you feel any better, I have friends who’ve been in the restaurant industry for years and all of them say being a hostess is by far the hardest gig!

3

CollieSchnauzer t1_j94c790 wrote

You might have an auditory processing disorder. (Are you bad at singing? Do you need to take notes to remember lectures/instructions?)

You might have some social anxiety.

Are you bad at facial recognition? Bad with directions?

You might not be good at working fast or multi-tasking.

None of these things mean you are not smart and none of them mean you can't be very successful in the right job. I like others' suggestions of programming. How are you with logic puzzles?

Look for a high-paying career path. It's not just the salary; you will have better work conditions all the way along. (I worked in a restaurant long ago. People were competitive, cliquish and unfriendly.)

Check out r/girlsgoneswired. They will steer you in the right direction.

3

menellinde t1_j94njyx wrote

So as others have said everyone has different aptitudes for different things. For example my husband is amazing at anything mechanical. He can build a car from a pile of junk on the ground or figure out the wiring for a complex home theatre system without even batting an eye. However, if you put him in an "intellectual" role or worse, a customer service type role he will fail horribly and likely be fired on his first day because he has no filter and can't deal with the general jerks of the public.

At 26 you are still so young you have your whole life to figure out "what you want to be when you grow up." I'm 50 and I've only just figured that out in the last few years myself. Of course, I definitely don't want you to take as long as I did but, truth be told I didn't even know until I fell into my current career by accident.

You need to figure out what you love in life and then figure out how to make a living wage doing that. Money is important, you need to make enough to thrive in life, but if you make that money at a job that you hate then it can become a soul sucking abyss from which there is no escape and you will hate your life.

3

Densityroa t1_j95xt45 wrote

Watch the internal dialogues you have with yourself. Hard to progress when you’re always putting yourself down.

3

Neither_Suspect2661 t1_j9049f6 wrote

You just haven't found your strength in your work ethic. And yes I said "just". Everyone cannot perform every job that everyone else does. I prefer being a team member. However, everywhere I've worked, I've been promoted to lead or supervisor. I do not enjoy the responsibility, yet I'm fully capable more qualified than some of those who actually want the position. I only get those positions because of how meticulous I am, my ability to multi-task, the ability to work under pressure, and delegate as well as being a team player. I just want to blend in. My work ethic is because I have extreme anxiety from things not being done correctly. So I counter it by fixing problems I see instead of complaint to my superior, knowing they will do nothing about it or mess it up even more. These problems are usually things that effect my work. So I have to fix someone else's mess in order to effectively do my own work. To management, it comes across as initiative. Its really my anxiety. Which I have panic attacks if my anxiety isn't alleviated.

What I'm saying is, find your strength then go from there. I understand needing higher pay. But if you get somewhere that you Excel in for least desired pay, you'll stand a greater chance of promotion/ raise to get the income you're searching for.

2

Maximusprime-d t1_j909nkz wrote

Do you have an education? If yes, maybe stop looking for service-based jobs, and focus more on what your education covers. If no, best I can say is find something you’re passionate about and just stick with it. You’ll make mistakes, but who doesn’t?

2

thequeasydream OP t1_j9283b8 wrote

I started college but dropped out. I have 2 years worth of coursework, though. But never officially got my AA.

1

theyellowpants t1_j90ju1h wrote

Have you ever been evaluated for adhd?

2

thequeasydream OP t1_j927yta wrote

My teacher thought I had it was a kid, I was tested for it as a kid but nothing came of it. I was tested for it again as an adult and I think the psych thought I had it, but don’t remember what the conclusion was (he talked a lot). I have every symptom though at work, pretty much every day.

2

theyellowpants t1_j929prj wrote

I really recommend you circle back to who evaluated you or check in with even your GP.

Executive dysfunction is so real and debilitating - meds can help. Being dx and on meds changed my life

2

RemoteMammoth6 t1_j90sznt wrote

You sound like me. I'm a software engineer. Maybe try getting into coding. It's a dream job for a smart person who doesn't do well with stress and social situations.

2

thequeasydream OP t1_j927ou2 wrote

I think I might just try that. Have been thinking about it for a while now.

3

buwefy t1_j90txda wrote

Try coding, see if it clicks for you ;)

2

foxpaws42 t1_j91613f wrote

I know some folks (who I consider intelligent) who can't deal with multiple things demanding and competing for their attention.

I wonder if you might do better at a job where the tasks are few, the focus is deep, and you generally don't need to collaborate with or manage other people, rather than a job that requires you to spread your attention broadly and interact with many other folks.

'Few tasks; deep focus; solo work' tends to have a large overlap with artistic endeavors, such as woodcarving or painting, where you can focus on your craft with few to no distractions. If you are artistically inclined, it might be worth consideration.

Edit: Another factor to consider is what appears to be social anxiety. You mentioned shutting down in social settings. It might be worth exploring the root causes with a psychiatrist?

2

rdmgraziel t1_j91r7f8 wrote

Those jobs aren't low-skill per say, they're much harder than a number of higher paying jobs and not everyone is cut out to handle them for the exact reasons you struggled with them (being bombarded with vocal information while trying to write it down while ambient noise and other activity demands your attentention). It has nothing to do with you or your intelligence. You just need to find out what you're better suited for.

2

cannahappy t1_j90ezn1 wrote

USPS. Become a letter carrier. The work can be tiring and monotonous, but you don’t really have to talk to anyone. You can spend most of the day lost in your head once you get the hang of stuffing boxes and delivering packages.

1

prima0donna t1_j90f5pq wrote

Look for a career with a setting that doesn’t make you feel so on edge. You might have to temporarily work at places that make you uncomfortable but you can gradually work towards something more geared to you. Research and try everything.

For instance, I not too long ago made a switch to massage therapy because I have really bad anxiety and don’t like talking or sales much but love helping people. The spa is also really quiet and calming so I find it to be relaxing. Best job I’ve ever had.

1

pedestrianpinniped t1_j93bqi8 wrote

I think you would be just fine as a bank teller. But from what you say it seems like remote work might be an ideal option for you. I guess i'm now that guy but have you considered learning to code. Seems like analyzing complex problems on mostly your own time might be up your alley.

1

uhhohhitskate t1_j93c111 wrote

Do you have a local hospital you could apply to? There are sooo many roles that are needed that are more clerical and higher paying in nature - from registration/creating appointments/following up with people on their follow up appointments to financial services where there is billing, refunds, cash management. Not to mention customer service. Hospitals have lots and lots of entry-level jobs where you can learn more about those departments and then learn skills so you can advance. It's usually not the greatest money in the world, but there's always opportunity to go somewhere else. I've even heard that hospitals are a good place for entry-level IT work too. (Someone needs to help all those people who are doing registration/billing with their computers when needed.)

1

No_Sir_3600 t1_j93ouy6 wrote

Have you tried anything in a construction-type field? It wouldn't have to be straight building a building. You could do event work through IATSE at the convention center. People who work as decorators do things like staple table skirts, set up tables, things like that. Or you could be a forklift operator or something similar. That could be union or non-union, for a private company or through a union hiring hall.

Working with the general public can be draining. Sometimes a behind the scenes job (warehouse, kitchen, set-up and take-down type event work) can be better.

1

samsara_arasmas t1_j9gxleq wrote

If she's got an auditory processing problem, steer well the fuck away from the construction industry, Jesus. Can't imagine how suggesting a workplace where you're subjected to a constant barrage of noise you have no control is beneficial, at all.

I'm speaking from experience. I struggle with noise, personal space etc and worked in construction for 5+ years. Horrid experience. Drills, saws, radios, loud double digit IQ yelling and screaming, orders being barked at you. Definitely not the industry to choose if you don't deal well with a high paced or highly strung environment.

1

No_Sir_3600 t1_j9kg9wz wrote

IATSE is often just like tables, chairs, table skirts if you're deco. It's convention center/hotel event set up. It's actually not that loud.

1

ThrowRAaaaa1 t1_j93r45n wrote

have you considered you may have some form of neurodivergence, such as adhd or autism? this is what your description brings to mind to me.

1

Lorien6 t1_j949699 wrote

What are the things you are good at? Not necessarily work related, what are you good at, and what do you enjoy/like to do?

1