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nhaines t1_iqpz5xl wrote

Hey, I'm sorry you didn't get traction on this AMA.

As someone with almost a decade in indie publishing, I see so many missteps in the launch. The cover looks YA, but doesn't read as sci-fi at all. The blurb shouldn't quote your opening lines, and is structured wrong. You don't have a series, you have a single book, and there's no reason at all to give away your book for free. (You shouldn't discount/freebie the first book in a series until the series has five books, at which point, go wild.) Why would you offer the paperback for $9.99 for a limited time only? You probably shouldn't announce that this is your first published book; it's only going to turn people away. Meanwhile you claim you're a romance, sci-fi author, but the book is categorized as fantasy, contemporary, and romance.

The book itself isn't my style, so I won't say much about it. Just that the formatting (one sentence per line most of the time) makes things difficult to read. If you have to put a guide before the story begins that explains how to read the textual conventions because they're so weird (and did you make sure the "start" marker in the ebook includes this and doesn't start with the prose?) then you should seriously think about the prose style.

But good luck, and publish the rest of the series as fast as you can. The momentum will only help, and I hope you find your reader base that loves what you've done.

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[deleted] OP t1_iqqn8vk wrote

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nhaines t1_iqqolin wrote

You're welcome! I'm sorry it wasn't more positive, but with every single book you publish you'll improve, and of course in a year you can go back and refresh your titles. Better cover? Better blurb? Easy and simple. It all comes with experience. So keep writing, keep improving, and again, best of luck!

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[deleted] OP t1_iqtrh1j wrote

People don’t like when they’re criticized for something when in their eyes it’s finished. Being harsh only makes them better if they listen. Saying, “this sucks” and nothing else helps no one. You’re telling him how to improve based on experience since you see how it could be better. That’s great leadership.

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riptaway t1_iqu6wsc wrote

Eh, tbf he didn't ask for criticism. I know it's ask anything but that doesn't necessarily mean it's appropriate to rip his project to shreds.

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[deleted] OP t1_iqulej2 wrote

It’s free mentoring or guidance. He’s telling the author what needs improvement in a respectful way. If he’s coddled and told everything is ok, everything’s just ok.

I’d say this IAmA is an appropriate time to tell him what’s up. Personally I thought the names were weird and the story seems like the author’s spiteful of people who find love. I’m not a writer, I have no idea what to look for, but that alone makes me uninterested. nhaines knows what to look for and my take would have been useless. He’s not giving advice to a random person not asking for it.

There’s things that have been done before and mistakes that have already been made. He’s only showing how to avoid that so an entire “series of books” don’t get written off.

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nhaines t1_iqv3h6n wrote

> He’s not giving advice to a random person not asking for it.

That's exactly what I did. I didn't have a question for him.

When I wrote my comment, the AMA post was at 0 karma, he'd gotten like 3 replies after 4 hours, and he had already gone to bed. I thought the thread was going to disappear forever or I'd have maybe PMed him. But that seemed a little too direct. It wasn't an attack.

I don't know if he was receptive to it or if he was raging in private (or both, lol). Or even if he plans to ignore it all. None of that's my business. "Thank you for your feedback" was a super professional response, and it impressed me.

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[deleted] OP t1_ir1mpb9 wrote

So it’s not like at the gym where random people go up to each other and give advice. There’s a comment section for a reason. It seems like quite a few people shared your opinion anyway and you shouldn’t feel bad about it. I was only trying to show appreciation for someone leaving feedback that could help improve OP’s future projects.

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nhaines t1_ir35yl0 wrote

And I appreciate it!

I'm just saying that "AMAs aren't the place for critical feedback" is also a valid take.

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riptaway t1_iqv0fjd wrote

Which is fine, if the person asked for that kind of criticism. If they didn't, it's usually polite to either say nothing or just say "it's got some issues". I don't necessarily have a problem with it on the internet; when someone decides to put it out there it's free game. But OP was obviously not asking for that kind of response.

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Extension_Ok t1_iqrz7f2 wrote

I read the first few pages. The unusual names and style make it harder to read than necessary. Spelling and grammar seem to be better than other self published books I read.

It seems to be a little thirsty. Is this intentional?

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Youmeanmoidoid t1_iqtcd5g wrote

This style is very common when it comes to Japanese light novels. Kind of a mix between scriptwriting and traditional novel. This is the first time I've seen it outside that whole Japanese genre though. It's a really specific style of writing for a really specific genre. As long as OP likes it that's what matters. But I'll just say it probably won't really appeal to readers in the traditional market. The cover is great. Though, like others have said, is really more found in the YA category.

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veni_vidi_risi t1_iquembf wrote

I read a decent portion of this, and it’s really hard to track what’s going on with some of the scenes. I’d also like to earnestly ask - do you have any autism spectrum disorder? A lot of the interactions between people, internal thoughts, and sentence structure/method of writing ran counter to many of the thoughts I’d have while reading. I couldn’t adequately make sense of characters’ actions, how time scenes progressed, or why certain sentences were used/had any remote relevance in some areas. Also, there’s a huge contrast in writing effort between certain lines: there are multiple sentences that are structured poetically, but then a lot of descriptive lines or thoughts are written with the simplest adjectives. I am not trying to be rude, but I am genuinely curious if you have any form of ASD.

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tdzangel t1_iqs6gi8 wrote

Did you have a specific audience in mind when writing this story?

Why the hell did you pick that as your title??

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[deleted] OP t1_iqs9dv7 wrote

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tdzangel t1_iqsdgko wrote

I applaud your creativity and the pure enthusiasm with which you've self-published, but maybe try out a test audience beforehand next time.

I'm sure you feel the title is pertinent to the story, but I'll be honest, it really does not sound appealing. If your goal is a passion project that's just for you, then great, but if you are hoping to market to a wider audience, test reads and market appeal are very important

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[deleted] OP t1_iqrqt16 wrote

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[deleted] OP t1_iqtft4w wrote

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[deleted] OP t1_iqun3n3 wrote

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[deleted] OP t1_iquto5t wrote

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[deleted] OP t1_iquvdju wrote

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f1newhatever t1_iqtkksf wrote

Do you have an editor? I’d highly recommend one to smooth it out.

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[deleted] OP t1_iqtl7bu wrote

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bean_the_betta t1_iquipp7 wrote

You need to fix that before you even think about publishing anything else. And don’t ask someone you know - it’s really difficult to tell a friend when their stuff is shit.

Normally I wouldn’t be this harsh, but the racist caricature of the black man really pissed me off, so I’m not too pressed about being nice.

Also, figure out how to have a coherent plot. My eyes are scrolling past words on autopilot. Where is your worldbuilding?? “AIDS-2” is the name of your deadly disease?! What’s with sleeping in plastic bags? Why did you mention bodies in the ocean once and never again? To be clear, I don’t want the answers. I’m just pointing out some specifics.

All the best of luck to your growth as a better writer and a less bigoted person.

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c74 t1_iqpd8fy wrote

good luck with your book. strange i see your post. 4 upvotes after 2 hours. what do you think will bring eyeballs to your stuff?

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ElemLibraryLady t1_iqptv81 wrote

What gave you the idea for this book? Will it be a series? How did you choose the names of the characters? Are the characters based on people you know?

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dragonmase t1_iqu7um8 wrote

Did you let any of your friends read through the draft of the book?

It's pretty difficult to read.

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greenspiral40 t1_iqp40u7 wrote

who are your influences?

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[deleted] OP t1_iqp4yu5 wrote

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Charlettaa t1_iqwnbva wrote

Your writing influences are anime, documentaries and compilations of movie clips? Oh my God... 😭😭😭

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Reedrbwear t1_iqscxxr wrote

Ohhh that name ... so where did you come up with that?

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radiosync t1_iqt1pad wrote

Congrats. What would you say you're most proud about?

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badbrowngirl t1_iqqv0hs wrote

Are you a full time writer? Or is this a hobby? I’m curious as how to anyone ever has the time unless they quit their day job ..

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