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Claudia-Delgado-LCSW OP t1_izewrra wrote

Reply to comment by Other_Exercise in I’m Online Therapist, Claudia Delgado, LCSW. I work with Women that are having an Affair - Emotional or Physical. AMA. by Claudia-Delgado-LCSW

Thank you for your question.

  1. Grief and Loss is a big part of the work I do.
  2. Although I never encourage cheating as a solution to a problem, in abusive situations, the affair relationship can be healthier.
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Other_Exercise t1_izeyzrc wrote

Thank you for your answer. Could I be cheeky (this is a British idiom) and ask you to expand your answers slightly?

  1. Do you mean, grief and loss meaning that the woman feels grief over her actions? Or loss in the sense that their main relationship isn't working out? I'm afraid I don't quite understand the answer.
  2. Do you ever tell the client: "leave partner X and get with affair partner Y?" I am of the belief that relationships during/following abusive ones may generally be better, but usually are not sustainable. However, I'm far from expert!
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Claudia-Delgado-LCSW OP t1_izf1u1m wrote

Absolutely. I would be happy to elaborate.

  1. for example, if a client wanted to work on the relationship after being unfaithful and their partner did not want to work on the relationship or both parties wanted to walk away from the relationship there is lots of grief and loss. Some of those things would include the loss of mutual friendships, the loss of connections with certain family members as family members take sides, the loss of their home if one has to move out, the loss of the ability to see their children regularly if they have children, the loss of having a consistent person in their life , the loss of confidence in decision making. These are just a few. If a person is able to work through the relationship because the other person is an agreement, there is still a loss of what the relationship once was. There is also morning of the loss of trust and respect that their partner had for them.

  2. In my practice, I do not tell my clients what to do. I do, however, deeply discuss many different ways one can view a situation to point out important things to consider.

It is true that many times an affair relationship is not one that will last or one that is the best for the client. I will also add that there are times where Affair Relationships do work out and last.

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