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gerbalinmybutthole t1_izfetn3 wrote

Op, do you believe that cheating is a mistake or a choice?

Do you help women understand the difference between guilt, and remorse?

Do you believe affair fog is real?

Do you explain to these women that they made their husband a second choice or they became a backup plan by having the affair?

Do you tell women that the other betrayed spouse if there is one should be notified by her the wayward?

Do you believe that a man dealing with a cheating wife should offer consequences to their actions if they want to reconcile? Examples would be, removal of all social media, giving the husband full access to usernames and passwords and phone at any time, tracking apps or devices, keylogger programs, removing friends who were supportive of the affair, letting family members know of the affair to build a support system, postnuptial agreement, etc.

I tend to tell men to automatically file for divorce, as they can stop the divorce process at anytime if they choose to reconcile. I also tell men to ask for a hall pass in some instances for reconciliation.

What are your thoughts on this?

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Claudia-Delgado-LCSW OP t1_izfij1q wrote

Thank you for your post.

I believe cheating can be both a choice and a mistake.

We definitely work both on remorse and guilt. This is very important in the healing process as they are very different.

I do believe affair fog is real and affair fog does not take away responsibility.

We definitely discuss the ripple affect of actions that include how loved one was hurt and betrayed.

I do often encourage disclosure of details to partner and that is up to each individual client. Not all situations are safe to do so.

We do work on disclosure to partner for those that want to take that step. I do discuss the importance to have full disclosure for those wanting to attempt to work on relationships.

I do work with clients in steps to rebuild trust with partner which do include being “open-books”. This is not a consequence and a way to attempt to show partner they are no longer keeping secrets. This would include access to things requiring passwords, email, phone, schedules, tracking app on phone and cutting all ties with affair partner and peers that encourage cheating.

It is a very delicate subject on whom to tell about the affair, especially family. If a couple wants to work on relationship, telling family or friends can be more harmful in the long run for many people.

I hope this information was helpful to you.

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gerbalinmybutthole t1_izfsmp2 wrote

Thank you, very insightful. If you did not you may want to post on supportforwaywards. As you may be able to pickup some clients from there. Most of them are working towards reconciliation. Your support may be beneficial to some. Keep up the great work.

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