Not OP obviously but this thread is relevant to my journey. As a complete amateur, take this for what it's worth .

You can't change other people, ultimately. Your friends may be stuck on the past but you are not. You can change and you can point this out to your friends, but ultimately they decide for themselves what they want to believe and how they respond to you.

If they won't change and you have, then you have choices to make. You can continue as you have and put up with the frustration. You could cut them off completely if it's bad enough. Or you can set boundaries and enforce them. Ultimately that is your choice.

I've been through this with both sides of my family, my spouse and my kids. Been through the phase of demanding they change. It just doesn't work. No one likes to be told they are wrong.

So work on yourself. Be comfortable with yourself and your past. If you hurt them, apologize. Make amends. If they can't move on then maybe you should. But you can also leave the door open to reconciling in the future if they do change. If you do not act on your own, that's where the pattern repeats and you get stuck.

I kind of view it like my relationship with my therapist. They are not really my friend but they are friendly. They are there to give me advice from their experience and training. I accept their influence or I do not. We've had three therapists in the past decade, each was good for some things/areas, not so good for other things. Make progress in one area then move on. Do some self work as well.

It's a journey. It moves at different speeds. Sometimes slow, sometimes amazingly fast.

The good therapists have absolutely been worth their fees. They have helped me see things I could not on my own. I've done a lot on my own but with their guidance.