First - thank you for your service and congratulations on creating financial security for yourself.

Now, for your question:

Stop playing fucking video games. You're meant to do more with your life. And if you love them so much - figure out how to create a business around it.

And while you're at it - get outside, spend more time taking walks, hiking, and less time online. There is no way in hell you are going to figure out what your intuition is trying to say to you if there is so much noise around you. I can tell that you have a bigger calling. As I read this paragraph it's very clear that it's haunting you. So stop squandering your time. It's killing your dreams. Get fucking serious about figuring it out.

I did an episode on this - and I hope that it will provide a spark and ignite some clarity for you

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002?i=1000585717691

I like to think about gratitude as an attitude or mindset that you have about life. That's different than the emotions you may feel or the stress that is causing you to feel anxious. I often say that you can be 2 things at once and you can certainly feel grateful that you have a roof over your head and many blessings and still hate the anxiety and sadness that you feel in your body and emotions. So #1, stop making yourself feel wrong b/c you have a lot in life but you still struggle emotionally, #2 get serious about healing your nervous system and your anxiety and I'd highly recommend you listen to this episode of the podcast -
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002?i=1000582487785

I'm so glad you're loving The Mel Robbins Podcast.

I was inspired to start it for a number of reasons:

1. I wanted to find a way to connect with you more deeply on a personal level and share what's going on in my life and work in real time
2. I wanted to dig deeper into topics and have more meaningful, tactical tools for you, because there's only so much you can do on a topic in a 60 second TikTok or reel.
3. I wanted to build a community of people who were positive and inspired to do the work to create a better life for themselves. And I knew that I could start to find a like-minded global tribe of awesome people by launching this podcast. So thank you for being a part of that force for good.
4. I wanted to be able to give you the tools and inspiration that you need at zero cost and I wanted it to be available everywhere. You can listen on every podcast platform, and you can watch unabridged versions of every episode on YouTube. Because of our advertisers - we can bring all of this to you for zero cost twice a week.
5. I also wanted to feel like I was learning alot again. When you write books or produce audiobooks or give speeches for a living, you do a lot of talking. One of the things I love most about this podcast - is how much listening and learning I'm doing. Like this one on narcissism - wow did I learn a lot from Dr. Ramani Durvasula: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002?i=1000583254647

What has surprised me about doing this podcast?

I did not expect to come out of the gates and top the charts the way that we have.

I know how hard it is to create a really great podcast, and it has been a lot of work.

And I also know how many other podcasts are out there (there are 5m of them on Spotify alone).

I thought it would take at least a year before we even broke into the top 100 - and right now we are #9 overall of all podcasts on Apple - and have consistently been the #1 education podcast in the world on every podcast platform since we have launched in October.

And you know what this tells me?

It tells me that we are doing something that was missing. And that only makes me more motivated and hardworking to continue to deliver something that is valuable, entertaining, and most importantly - impactful in your life.

So from the bottom of my heard - thank you.

I don't consider this my podcast, I consider it ours.

We scour the DMs, read your topic submissions, we will take your Reddit questions and probably create episodes based on this.

I often say - this isn't just a listening podcast, it's a doing podcast, and you're helping us do something that makes a big impact around the world - so thank you

Procrastination is a way of coping with stress. you avoid things that require brain power b/c you're on edge about other shit going on in your life. There's only 1 way based on research to deal with moments of procrastination, here it is:

#1 - use The 5 Second Rule when you find yourself procrastinating and count backwards 5-4-3-2-1 to summon your prefrontal cortex and interrupt this habit that you now have of putting things off

#2 - after counting 5-4-3-2-1 just start the task and work on it for 1 minute. Research shows that 80% of the time you'll keep going, the issue is getting started

and one other note - do you give a shit about the thing you need to get done?

maybe this is an issue of priorities and not procrastination. You'll probably find the research related to the "will" and "the way" needing to be present in order to become more productive as a habit. I explain this in detail in this episode -

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002?i=1000592550554

Yes I do have tips.
#1 - if you can't do it for yourself, do it for your mom. I know she would want you to be the person who isn't afraid to take risks, so in any moment you feel you doubt yourself, ask, what would my mom want to me to do?

This not only leverages the power of objectivity - it also creates meaning from your mother's death because you're using her memory to create a better life for yourself.

#2 - it's important to believe in your ability to change your life at any age. However I find that so many of us don't actually believe until we experience ourselves doing something. For you - that means taking that risk that you're avoiding, because it's only in the action that you truly shift how you see yourself

#3 - Ironically today's episode is all about giving yourself a mindset reset using simple neuroscience - I feel like we must have published it today for you
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002?i=1000595362596

I'm really grateful that you're here - and that you loved my books The High 5 Habit and The 5 Second Rule.

If we can figure out how to do it simply - sure, I'd love to do that.

That is fucking awesome!

That right there is why we are doing this podcast.

I'm so proud of you and I'm so happy for you.

And I'll wear a sparkly blazer with you anywhere.

And if you want to get on the fun bus too -

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002?i=1000587212749

External motivation is a wonderful thing... when it's there.

My point about motivation being garbage is that most of us make the mistake of relying on intrinsic motivation to suddenly swell up and inspire us to run 5 miles, have the hard conversation, or take any action that we don't feel like taking.

If motivational content truly pushes you to take action - that's great.

That means you're using it as a tool to push yourself to do the shit you don't want to do.

But be wary of using it for entertainment only, or a little burst of feeling good.

And the reason why I say that is because you can trick yourself into thinking that you're getting stuff done, by just watching other people do the things you wish you were doing.

At some point - you need to go from passively feeling "motivated" to taking action, because action is the only thing that will change your life for real.

Thinking about doing something or feeling "motivated" isn't the same thing as actually doing the damn thing.

Motivation is garbage because it's almost never there when you need it, and most of us can't watch a YouTube video and muster up the inspiration to get outside in the freezing rain and get the training run done.

You need to know how to push yourself in those moments.

I unpack this in detail in this episode -

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002?i=1000582102667

To deal with anxiety - read The 5 Second Rule book and share this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast with your girlfriend -

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002?i=1000582487785

​

For debt - it's a long game. You have to chip away at it. You also have to look at both your expenses and cutting back, as much as you look at how you're going to make more money. You will get it down if you're consistently chipping away at paying it off

and here's another thing - if you can rack up that much debt to the IRS you know exactly how to make enough money to pay it off - so stop licking your fucking wounds and get to work :)

and for those of you who don't know - between 2008 and 2014 we were 800k in debt and took us another 3 years to even get the liens off the house, you can do it, it just won't happen over night

​

and that's a great joke about Pooh and Tigger... I'm assuming you're talking about our 3 kids, and they are all fine today, tomorrow who knows!

Highly recommend finding a tax expert to negotiate with the IRS. Enrolled agent is what you want. They're certified to work with the irs, and many used to work for them. Offer in compromise I believe is the process.

It can be done on your own but those guys know the system better.

Despite the common thought, the IRS can be reasonable.

If you're still a high earner, they'll want whatever they can get. But usually over a limited period, 5 years. They can waive the rest.

They're not cheap, but many years ago $5k of help got over $50k wiped clean (actually $50, not zero). Made this grown man weep years of joy when I got that letter.

Yes, I do have advice on this. It sounds like you've done the talk therapy aspect of identifying and processing trauma.

But to truly heal it - you have to repair your nervous system.

In the next couple of weeks - we are releasing multiple episodes of The Mel Robbins Podcast about this topic specifically - diving into both the topic of trauma and how you can repair your nervous system and heal yourself.

Regarding your mom - she could turn at any moment.

You can't control that.... you tried to as a kid and look where that ended up. It resulted in trauma in your nervous system. The fact that you're nervous and can't let go is a sign that it's still in there.

You can't "let go" of trauma, you have to repair the parts of your nervous system that are dysregulated right now due to it.

When you do the work to repair - it won't matter what your mother does, because you'll no longer be trigged by it

Make sure to subscribe to The Mel Robbins Podcast so the new episodes on this topic will be downloaded in your queue when they release in the next week or so.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002

We also release new videos daily on our YouTube channel and discuss this quite a bit - https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins

Reply - what does "make room for my future" mean? More details please

Thank you so much - it's hard to explain how grateful I am to hear that something I created to help me get out of bed when the anxiety was so bad is helping you too...

The book that's made the biggest impact on me - it's a tie between The Book of Awakening and The Alchemist. But I do have to say - I am loving David Goggins' new book too and it makes me want to kick my own ass even harder

As a mother of 3 - who has been married for 26 years and built a massive business that required a lot of traveling - I can tell you that balance is not possible. It's all about priorities.

And I will also tell you that even stay at home moms don't have balance. Because I hear from them every day talking about how they put everyone in their life first and never have time for themselves.

At any age you can decide what you want and what kind of person you want to be. It's all about priorities and intention. Do not let fears keep you from pursuing your dream of having a family. Especially in today's world with remote and hybrid work companies are more flexible than ever. And you're not going to do it on your own, you have a partner who will be by your side.

So relax, when you're ready pull the goalie, and trust that the timing will be right.

And for insight into what kids think about a working parent - you'll love this episode of the podcast -

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002?i=1000590944044

Here's what I think about that article - the truth is very boring. And parts of that article are complete fabrications that make me look like a self-centered asshole.

If you follow me online you know that's not the kind of person I am.

When the article came out and I read the complete lies that the reporter fabricated - it was devastating.

But 15 years later, I honestly don't give a shit, and I understand that nice doesn't sell magazines.

Everything is connected. And it has nothing to do with your learning disabilities. You need to learn to love yourself as you are, despite it all.

If you can do that - and I'm not saying it's the easiest thing to do - it takes time, it's a muscle you need to build, but it changes everything. So much of your question is about things outside of you. What other people think, what other people say, how other people see you.

The answers to this question are about you and your relationship to yourself. you get that right and the outside world really doesn't matter.

You need to listen to this and follow the advice- https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002?i=1000591862344

I tell all authors the same thing - own your work.

If you believe in what you're doing - own your work.

A lot of people go after publishing deals because they need the advice in order to pay their bills while they finish a book.

And they also go after those deals to satisfy their ego.

The math working with a traditional publisher is horrendous.

So I like self-publishing, or hybrid publishing (like what the company Amplify does - where you pay them to help you get this published but you own everything).

I'm also a control freak when it comes to look, feel, and editing, so the process of doing it was really satisfying, and nothing feels better than placing a bet on yourself.

And don't underestimate the power of audio.

I am one of the most successful self published authors in the world, because of the success of my self published audiobook The 5 Second Rule.

In 2017, it was the #1 listened to audiobook of the entire year.

And it continues to be the most successful self published audiobook.

So as we move into the future - consider that you don't even need to print a book to be an author :)

Bullshit. Of course you can come back from your failures. History is painted w/ people just like you and me who have come back from their failures. The only way to stop feeling so shitty about yourself is to stop looking in the rearview mirror and start looking at the road ahead.

You do have a choice when it comes to the thoughts that you indulge. Stop listening to this bullshit and start telling yourself - you haven't succeeded YET.

DM me on Instagram when you got back on the saddle because I'm not going to listen to your bullshit excuses and neither should you

and if you need an additional kick in the ass (and a loving reminder) that you have the power within you to change your life - and that all of those "failures" were there to teach you something you needed to learn - I highly recommend you listen to this on repeat

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002?i=1000591862344

I am so thankful you are doing the podcast now.

I was in your studio audience in NYC twice in 2019. You were so wonderful and genuine talking to my group.

You really got me to a good place in my life from all the material you have put out! I still have a long ways to go in personal growth but you have been such a key inspiration.

Do you ever plan to have guests on your podcast that would like feedback on their life?

Go all in on adventure. You are young and you have nothing tying you down. And that adventure will likely reveal things much more important than your next job.

At any age you can decide what kind of person you want to be next.

And it sounds like you're starting to realize that.

I had a doozy of a time these past few years and did the work to reinvent most aspects of my life.

I think you'll find 3 lessons I learned during the process really helpful - you can listen to them here -

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mel-robbins-podcast/id1646101002?i=1000591280465

Thank you for listening and you are a goddess too.

Are you asking me personally how I generate 100k an hour?

I think you're referring to a viral video where somebody asked me what my keynote speaking fee was for one hour.

At the time - it was 100k.

I got to that level after many years speaking about The 5 Second Rule and the science of change to the world's top brands - ie. Starbucks, Microsoft, JP Morgan.

I became the most booked female speaker in the world on the corporate circuit.

But as my business has expanded and my platform has grown and priorities have changed - I have stopped doing a lot of speeches and my price for a keynote has risen significantly.

So technically, I make even more, and as a woman I love saying that.

And here's a really important takeaway in business and in life - when you say no, because you're clear about your priorities, people and companies want you even more.

Don't feel broken.

Embrace your amazing brain.

Your ADHD is a superpower, even if it drives you crazy.

And remember, it's not that you can't focus - it's that you have trouble directing your focus when you feel overwhelmed or not that interested.

I plan on a doing a ton of episodes about this - it's a huge issue for women that I have personally experienced myself.

But now that you know - you can create systems to support you better.

Please don't feel broken, a whole new world is just beginning for you.

And you asked about how I "deal" with ADHD - the first step of ADHD is acceptance, the second stop is research, and the third is applying what you've learned to your own life.

You shouldn't.

You will likely follow the advice of somebody that you feel most connected to.

And I can tell, based on the tone of your question, that you don't feel hopeful when you hear my experience, you feel judgemental.

I personally think the best qualified person to help you and somebody who used to be you.

I struggled for 30 years because I didn't know any better.

The shit I discovered - and I share with people around the world - I learned the hard way, so you don't have to.

I'm 54. Thirty years ago - you wouldn't be caught dead walking into a self help section of a book store. If you saw a therapist you were a freak. Prozac had only just been invented. There was no social media. And there was a massive stigma around mental health.

And if you've "always been good at dealing with it" - you probably don't struggle with anxiety. That's not the kind of person that I would personally turn to for help.

But now that I know what I know - I manage situational anxiety like a pro.